i am laying here in my filthy bed, in my pit of a house, having not moved much for two days. my hair is greasy and all i’ve done the last two days is load the dishwasher, a bit of washing and drying and cook dinners. i haven’t had a shower for two days and i feel like ■■■■. i need a serious kick up the arse. the hot water is on just waiting for me to jump in the shower. it’s been on since yesterday morning but i’m finding it hard to get naked…probably subconscious leftovers from the abuse i’ve suffered. i will have to force myself to get in there. i hate feeling like this. it’s sooo annoying. i hate being dirty but every day it’s a struggle to force myself to get naked and get in there. so my list of things to do today is: have a shower, tidy my room and change my bed and clean the kitchen, load the dishwasher and cook dinner. i will not tolerate anything less than those things. i can do this…i just have to force myself but it’s soooo hard to do it. some days it’s easy but most of the time it’s difficult but i force myself because i don’t want to live like a pig in ■■■■. one more coffee then i’ll unload and load the dishwasher. that’s a start. then i have to force myself to get naked and in the shower. i can do this! grrrrrr!
You’re right, you can do this. Don’t look at all the work you have to do as a huge mountain to climb, but a bunch of small hills. Take each chore one task at a time, and don’t rush yourself. You have all day.
You can do this and so much more. I know your trying to level out after having a med switched up. Please be patient with yourself.
You have a lot of determination and you’re just having an off day. You’ll turn it around.
How’s the weather in your woods? Is there a way to treat yourself to a nice walk after you get the work done?
That’s to me is just as important… self reward for facing that hard task.
I accomplished tasks with self rewards as well. Sometimes, if I have something big to do, like clean my bedroom, I’ll clean in increments of 5 minutes, and then break for 3 minutes. And so on until the room is clean. That helps me get started, but usually I’ll get in a roll and I will clean longer than that 5 minute increment.
I know too well how difficult and frustrating it is to deal with lack of motivation - As tough and as insurmountable as these tasks/chores seem, it is possible to overcome them - one step at a time - my last therapist calls it baby steps - but it is possible - try not to be hard on yourself, I am sure things will improve for you
Did you say you were on haldol? That drug sure robbed me of my initiative.
yeah weather is fine j. maybe i’ll take choop choop to the woods later. that always cheers me up. thanx for the suggestion. just unloaded and loaded the dishwasher so that’s one job done. quick coffee and cig and then i’ll force myself into the shower. can’t be going to the woods with greasy hair! i guess i’m just being impatient. you know me, i like to get things done and this apathy is driving me crazy. i was supposed to go shopping this morning to get stuff for a roast dinner later but because i haven’t had a shower, i couldn’t do it. i told the kids that i couldn’t afford it but the real reason was that i didn’t want to go out stinking of cigarettes looking unkempt. never mind. it won’t kill us to not have a roast on a sunday i guess. right. coffee, cigarette…then the dreaded shower. your right i can do this. thanx for the support guys. ur lifesavers, all of u xxx
yeah, thoough i took it down to 50mgs shot on friday. guess it’s that godawful drug kicking in huh. can’t wait to b haldol free!
I get discouraged when I look around my messy place. I went to the store this morning and I really should have gotten cleaned up before I went. I keep telling myself I’m going to get things together, but I slack so much.
had my shower…whoop whoop!!
I can sympathize. I have mornings where the thought of water drumming on my skull is unbearable. I will try to send some positive vibes your way.
10-96
The next time you’re concerned about getting naked for the shower think of all the people who take naked pictures of themselves and share them on the internet. You are making a healthy decision, them not so much.
While in a bad state of mind, I had issues about getting into the shower as well. Wasn’t related to any sort of abuse, but the thought of being there, naked, in water, made me shudder. I’m so thankful I’m past that now, and I’m glad you got in too!
I need a shower and a hair cut and a shave and a new body and I wish I was a woman
Sometimes I wish I was a man, so you’re not alone. Don’t worry, you’ll feel better soon, and so will I! 