I’m trying to be better at listening to my brother talk about his SzA symptoms.
He was diagnosed about 3 years ago, and we’ve talked about sza a lot (more recently than ever). I find myself struggling to understand, or just simply at a loss as to how to reply sometimes. If anyone has advice, I’d really appreciate it:
Is there anything people do or say that is consistently really annoying or frustrating when you’re trying to talk about stuff with someone you trust?
When he comes to me for a sort of “reality check” on his delusions, how can I assure him that his delusion isn’t true without being insulting or condescending? Is it enough to say, “That doesn’t seem likely to me. I really don’t think ‘X’ and ‘Y’ could be true.”?
Should I be more firm, or less pushy about it?
What are some red flags I should look out for that mean I should encourage him to take precautionary steps like going to the hospital / calling his doctor?
By now, I’ve seen some examples of people communicating with my brother effectively (like how his doctor does) and also how people communicate poorly (over reacting to relatively mundane symptoms and making situations turn stressful when they shouldn’t have). I don’t want to treat him like a fragile teacup.
Thinking you can do stuff just because “everyone else” is able to do it.
It depends on his reactions. If he doesn’t react negatively to it, being firm and pushy is probably a good thing. If he reacts with opposition, you might end up just making things worse.
You should probably ask him about this. I don’t mind it when people ask me. That means they take my experiences seriously and believe me. And I think most people, when they’re doing well, know their own warning signs better than their doctors or other people with sz/sza.
All I can really say is that space may be needed. I have SZ not SZA, but some times my family don’t understand me when I say I want some distance from them or space - whatever you want to call it.
Some times I feel I need to just be left alone at times to not only protect myself, but also others from my distorted thinking. I think it’s best describe as grounding myself or giving me time to ruminate and get into a better place mentally.
Not sure if I am making sense, but I guess if your brother ever pushes away, it may be good to give some space. I have found this recently that I have been talking more about stuff with family, but it can get a bit much going from one extreme to another. I am not saying cut support, but just allow some breathing space from it all, as if his head is anything like mine, it needs time on occasion to recover from everyday stresses that get amplified, and the last thing you want to do is talk about symptoms.
I keep my delusions to myself, but occasionally mention them here. I think it’s good this reality check thing. I only feel I can do this with Mental Health professionals as well as asking them to repeat themselves, which I don’t think you can keep doing to people normally as it would get irritating in normal convo.
Sorry I am rambling. Hopefully there are some things I posted that you can take on board if it sounds similar to your current situation with your Brother.
I think it’s great you want to support him in the right way.
Might even be worth getting him to join this forum if he feels up to it. You can get peer support here online 24 hours a day - there’s people across the globe using the site…
@anon9798425
Wow! Thanks for the advice!
I really appreciate it.
@Joker
I think I get what you mean. Anyone can feel smothered, and anyone can get tired of talking about the same topic all the time. If I understand, it would make sense that it takes time to collect your thoughts and regain the kind of peace of mind you need to just participate in family / society.
That’s not so foreign of an idea. Hell, I even skip out on entire holidays sometimes (I’m look at you, Thanksgiving / Chrismas), just cuz I need time to myself. Expectations, man. Expectations from family, especially. Wears you down in some subtle way.
I definitely did recommend that my brother join the forum, by the way. Just mentioned it seems like a good group of people with similar experiences and sent him a link.
Thanks for being accepting and for the solid advice! You all seem like genuinely great people! I’m going to leap back over to the family side of the forums where I belong.