This month has been really bad, I think I need to move to a higher dose injection because I’ve been hearing voices near constantly telling me that I should stop taking my medication and telling me that I should kill myself. And it’s so loud, it hasn’t been like this for months; they’re practically screaming. The ■■■■■■ up thing is that this time it’s really getting to me, I’ve actually been thinking a lot about why and how I should die, whether I should go off my meds, because the spirits in my head give such good reasons.
I want to talk to my therapist about this, but I’m afraid she will hospitalize me. It’s taking everything in me to resist the urge to obey them.
Yeah I’m really gonna have to develop some sort of healthy coping skill to combat this, but I’m still working that out. I drink 5-8 cups of coffee a day and drink on the weekends and I don’t think those are healthy coping skills.
What sucks is that she’s on vacation right now, as well as my psychiatrist. But via my outpatient program I have a second therapist, but I just met her last week so we haven’t had any sort of work yet. Just introductions. I am also afraid of how this new therapist will react to the suicidal content of my voices.
I know the feeling, but you don’t seem suicidal, you seem you want a way out of those thoughts and feelings. The content of the voices don’t need to reflect how you feel.
My therapist gave me homework that really helped me with looking at things more positively. I have to write three positive things that happen during the day, every day.
That’s a good method. Before my most recent episode I kept a journal of symptoms, routines, schedules, and meditation exercises. I also used an index card to track progress with building positive habits. The main focus of my recovery plan was going over each day and describing the emotions that occurred. I found that helpful.
Well, I will tell my therapist but I will specify that I do not actually plan to kill myself. That will prevent me from being hospitalized because I really don’t need it right now since I just got out of the hospital five months ago.
What I’m trying to help you do here, is to not be affected by the voices content. I know it’s difficult, but I think you can do it, you’ve made such good progress already.
You might tell your therapist and talk about medication change. My daughter had demanding
voices on some medications, Hang in there and remember as long as your not hurting your self
it is your choice to go in the hospital or work through the medication with your treatment team.
Thank you, @anon9798425@faith1986, and @neveragain I will try to reinstitute positive habits and I will definitely talk to my therapist about this. When my psychiatrist gets back, I will ask him to increase the dosage on my antipsychotic.