Just curious how many fellow people are diagnosed Sz and fought their Diagnosis or just took time for you to be aware of it?? I was exhibiting symptoms as early as 5 years old but it wasn’t until I was 13 that my mom took me to a psychiatrist and I was diagnosed with manic-depression.She said he didn’t tell her what was going on. I was hospitalized. I was later hospitalized again at 14 and spent my 15th birthday and a month psychotic in Milledgeville. They put me on Haldol, cogetin, Effexor. They increased my seizure meds too. I was a walking zombie.
I have been in an out of hospitals for years. I was later diagnosed with Aspergers, possible Schizoaffective and then when I was finally not scared to talk anymore about my symptoms (because I seen how it was affecting my relationships-I’m married now) and I opened up about the hallucinations and delusions/paranoia - I received my Sz diagnosis.
I always knew deep down the manic depression/bi-polar diagnosis was wrong but wanted to believe my doctors. How can this happen? A New foreign doctor- language barrier coupled with my inability to communicate my illness properly and no one with me at my appointments. I took lithium, abilify, Wellbutrin (Haldol, Respiridone) and anti-anxiety drugs for years. It’s only taken 34 years of hallucinations, delusions, feeling watched, paranoid, disorganized speech, horrible side effects and wrong medications, suicidal ideation, no clarity about my illness and poor social/coping skills to see the truth about it all.
I also have Complex PTSD from trauma. I take Geodon now and nothing else. I still have positive symptoms but my now different psychiatrist feels I have my disease in a better manageable place. I’m unresponsive to anti-depressants and certain ones make me act manic. Otherwise I don’t experience mania. Between side effects, weight gain, misdiagnosis, opening up and receiving accurate dx it’s been a whirlwind ride. I still find myself questioning everything but I know I am Sz.
Does anyone else experience what I know now is called ‘meta-awareness’?
I mentally fought my diagnosis, sometimes I still get grandiose and think that I don’t have sz, but deep down I know the dr.s were right. Good you are down to one med. I was on 5 at one point, now I’m down to 2. Sorry to hear you were misdiagnosed for so long.
Thank you. Yes I was on as many at once as well. I should probably be on more an they may increase it to more but for now it’s just the one. It did suck for lack of better words that it took so long. I’m 39 and feel like I was cheated somehow. My mother is my only family member that knows. My husband knows of course. I have three friends that knows and that’s it. It’s still a huge secret in my life.
I welcomed my diagnosis. (I am sza). My first dx was major depression, recurrent and severe. I knew that this was wrong but I didn’t want to question my doctors. My second diagnosis was bipolar. I knew this was wrong too but, again, didn’t want to question. Four years went by before a pdoc finally diagnosed me with sza at which point I finally agreed. I have had this sza diagnosis now for the last 26 years.
I fought my diagnosis of sz. They changed my diagnosis regularly to all corners of the dsm and i never really believed they knew what they were doing. I dont believe in sz.
I now have a diagnosis of complex ptsd with psychosis/premenstrual psychotic depression.
I am thankful…it is quite a relief to be truthful to finally have answers. Real answers. I just wish it hadn’t took so long for me to receive the diagnosis and be aware. I fought my own truth about my symptoms. Maybe deep down I was terrified everyone would be scared of me. My moms best friend was diagnosed Sz and she came to visit around same time I started hallucinating at age 5 and mom locked our bedroom door cause she was scared of her. I didn’t understand why bc she seemed so nice. I didn’t want my mom scared of me too. I know I’m adult now but I guess that stayed with me. I know things have come a long ways but stigma and the media portrays Sz in a bad way. My mother used to say it was paranoid Sz that would shoot up malls. I am last of gen X or oldest millennial I don’t even know anymore but growing up early 80’s/90’s you didn’t talk about this stuff so openly. When I was talking to my mom one day she said “oh you are one of those!”
Interesting. I conquer they will surely change the diagnosis and many don’t know or don’t care what it is as long as they are treating you and getting their kick back. I do believe they just don’t have the brain figured out yet. I have studied the brain myself in depth in college. One of my interests is health science. I find the brain fascinating. They haven’t began to scratch the surface on understanding its complete functioning. The DSM-5 overlaps many illnesses. I think it’s helpful but not definitive.
I had delusions and hallucinations that were out of this world, so far beyond what is required to correctly diagnose schizophrenia that it convinced me without a doubt. I just needed to get back enough insight to look back on the experience properly.
Truly truly my experience too with meeting requirements for diagnosis. I met them all. I honestly thought my husband poisoned me years ago. I have seen creatures appear, people say things they say they didn’t, I literally heard voices in my room all around me taunting me for 1st time as a teen. I thought I was being possessed though. It’s just crazy I was in denial for so long and it was so obvious. I mean I had to know. I thought there were cameras implanted and I thought I could read peoples minds for the longest at one time. I think my problem is with patterns. I see them everywhere and my delusions are fed by them and interwoven. I somehow get convinced that it’s normal world. That I’m somehow just tuned into a higher frequency. It’s hard to shake this whole life faith I built.
Yes although i knew I had psychosis I could not accept the sz because I felt there was more to it … I mean fine if it was sz but I felt I had mood swings too… they changed it eventually to schizoaffective… now it turns out I never had any of those things and I have anxiety which makes no sense whatsoever but I’m going with the treatment…
Back when I was in my delusional phase though, I read the wikipedia page on schizophrenia and didn’t think it applied very well. I mean it mentioned not having good social skills and my social skills are fine. I always thought of Donnie Darko when I thought of schizophrenia. It was the fact that I was hallucinating that eventually got me thinking the diagnosis might apply to me. Then I started improving with medication, so it was easy to realize I was sick before, since I felt so much better.
Right? I understand Donnie’s thought process but I’ve only visually hallucinated like that a few times. Maybe 5-10 times. Mostly during my prodrome phase. I recently experienced tactile hallucinations and that was unnerving. I do experience more of the perception changes. Like shifts in someone’s face. It’s more of a grimace or sneer when someone isn’t making it at me. Also, I have great difficulty talking but not writing. When I take medication my symptoms improve and my communication greatly improves and I can talk like a human being again.
How did that affect your relationships if you don’t mind me asking? I have had great difficulties in expressing myself during psychosis when I tried hiding it. Led to many an argument and frustrated moments and hopelessness for me. I am finding my accepting of it more and more liberating.
I only have my family left. My friends at the time all disappeared and did not stick around. It’s a shame, as I thought I’d made some lasting friendships, but Schizophrenia sure does weed out those who’re genuine and those who’re not.
Unfortunately I did not hide my psychosis after the first couple of episodes. Probably for the best, as I could have ended up doing something stupid.
Guess you’re right - acceptance is liberating, as the insight you get from knowing you have Schizophrenia does help you sort your thoughts, and derail anything that seems crazy.
I lose it sometimes, but much of the time I am able to function now much better than before. Just experience and knowing your triggers.
You took the words out of my mouth. Well for me it’s been lack of telling people I have it that has driven people away. I make fast friends then I guess they sense something “off” about me - I’m secretive and vague and they just disappear as quickly as they enter my life. I have a few good friends that knew me during my teen years and have stuck by me through thick and thin. They didn’t know then but they know now and still love me. For that I’m grateful. I’m a recluse too so that’s off about me. I don’t trust anyone and I don’t let people close. I get lonely though and want people close but then they disappear. Its a no win situation.
My mom told me not to tell the rest of my family. She told me that recently. I don’t know what to make of that really. She said they won’t believe it or understand. I really feel the people that truly care and are genuine will stick by. I think I’ll tell my family anyways.