How I HATE THESE VOICES


#1

Hell How I HATE THESE VOICES.


Came back early, how are you?
#2

The schizophrenia tries to take way the most precious thing for me in life, Mathematics.


#3

@Chess24. I moved your posts out of the other thread because they were off topic. I created this new thread for you.


#4

I wish you would talk with your psych doc about sz meds, because these meds might help you also in your math studies.


#5

I disagree with you, @mjseu .
They won’t help me they’ll harm me.


#6

Good afternoon @Chess24, good to see you want to study. But I found myself impossible in study. Better is to involve in any works.


#7

@Chess24. I’m curious – how many meds have you tried?


#8

I am AGAINST meds.
If you’ll keep pestering me about meds I’ll quit the forum.


#9

I believe the medications help in some areas but are really harmful in others. I notice on medications, I seem to not have memory loss from psychotic breaks. But my thinking is tarnished. I got really tired of learning something, and then have complete or near memory loss of what I learned. It made me depressed and obsolete. I noticed this problem in college. At the time, I felt like I was pushing myself beyond my mental limit.

When I was in college for undergraduate math, I was a poor student. I did well at community college (straight As), but I was a C student in upper division math. I can’t really blame the schizophrenia for this. I have no evidence. I simply am not a top math student. I could not comprehend most of what I studied. But after my illness, I was sometimes able to solve these problems pretty well. It’s just my mind has slowed down to the point where I could not compete with others. Overtime, it has gotten worse. But I remember before 2015, I was studying for the Actuary P1 exam and I could do some of it. It’s just it took me longer to solve these problems.

Before 2015, I did like over 500 math problems, mainly in probability. I want to get back to that performance level, but I don’t know how to replicate it. Was I on lower medication or something? I have no idea. Has the illness progressed or have I been absent in my studies too long? I don’t know.

I’ve noticed with schizophrenia I see too many patterns or solutions sometimes. Sometimes, I see stuff that takes me down the wrong path: a less efficient method.

Mathematics isn’t everything. Are you a genius? Are you going to be a first-rate mathematician? Maybe the schizophrenia is getting in the way. I know I was never one. I’ve said this before, you are very smart Chess, much smarter than me. I believe you have the potential and the interest you show is probably the most important thing; that along with perseverance.

I guess thinking about how ‘good’ I was compared to now is depressing. I’m glad I can’t remember much or I’d probably be more depressed.

Mathematics is a hard subject/field. I’ve thought about going into computer science/programming because it’s less abstract and less demanding on my working memory.


#10

It appears that what you have been doing isn’t working,

Maybe time to reconsider your stand on medication.