Ok, i go out now almost every day, but i prefer it still alone and just in my neighborhood, for just 15 minutes too…
I isolate since 20 years… It was because of my total lack of connection with the reality, my deceptions too i guess, the withdrawal of my positive emotions and a bit later- because of the paranoia and my conversion disorder, who affects me physically too and i am scared then…
I dont even know… Tbh, before, i was locked up at home too, but i was protesting it… Lately, ive accepted this and just am trying to stay occupied even if its at home… It feels even a little bit less lonelier too lol…
Idk, i see now that there are many other ill people, who cant leave their homes either, but they dont go crazy… I know its bad for our health, but it can be understood too… I was blaming myself for this kind of sz of mine… I guess this sz friend is still ill tbh, cause shes obsessed with going outs and she cant even understand why my thing…
I dont deny, that maybe it made me worse, i still lose hope totally per moments and this is quite painful, but in the same time, my illness started like that - to avoid… I was already unhappy as ■■■■ since kid, around my beating father, who was maybe ill too…
But i just dont know how i can endure this still… I dont have a good answer on that heh… My sister understands though my isolation… But maybe some normies no…
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