So ive apparently been in a state of psychosis on and off for about 2 months now, or so i am told, my memory is very spotty as of late. This would be my first somewhat major episode without extreme paranoia (thanks meds!) But this my wifes opinion, i feel i hae just had bad days here and there and have generally felt not to bad maybe just a little “off” until a few days ago. That said my voices have been clearer and distinguishable during this episode. i have been arguing with them (tho no memory of that), i have recently identified them only because i have the same voices (3 different “sets” ). Clearly identifiable Voices are a fairly new phenomena for me so just wanted some outside opinions if any body can help. Are other peoples voices the same all the time or does it always seem to be a different voice? Just now that I have become comfortable with my “sets” of voices, i have new ones popping up again. Now usually when i hear voices i cannot distinguish the “directionality” of where they are coming from (hear thru both ears equally and similtainiously) this is generally how ive differentiated between real and my hallucinations, which generally hasnt been difficult. My new voices this week i have heard now have directionality, (coming from front left or behind to the right for example). Curious how you all have heard yours and whether they come in “3D sound” so to speak? If this is to continue i feel i will have a hard time distinguishing real people talking to hallucinations which i havent had this problem in the past, especially if they continue to be a different voice each time. Just looking for a little guidance from some people with more experiences with this than i currently have. I was content hearing things as long as my paranoia and delusions are under control with meds because they were all clearly distinguishable before, figured they cant fix everything, but after this week i may have to rethink my gameplan. I have tdoc session this afternoon and just want some input from you all before i bring it to him, as he is good but these sublte nuances normies dont quite know and just speculate about, i feel. Thanks.
Mine, although like thoughts (pseudo hallucinations), can seem pretty real when in another person’s voice, especially when the person is right next to me. I casually reality check, when I’m not sure, ask “did you say something?”, neurotypicals do that a lot too, it’s alright to do it.
Also, start by noticing the differences between hallucinations and voices, it’s mostly the content of what’s being said usually. It’s easier to recognize once you understand the voices’ limitations.
And, try to paragraph your writting, a lot of folks here have difficulty reading big blocks of text, you’ll get more replies that way.
took me a while to read your post Reggie but I think I got it.
I have heard them since very young so 30 years or so. At first it was one maybe two and I heard them both ears same time. Then I got a lot of different ones and it became a jumbled mess.
It took me years of actually listening to them instead of fighting and arguing with them, to make sense of the chaos. After 10 or so yrs, I was able to consistently differentiate out who was who. So I know now when someone new shows up. But I look at this different than most everyone trying to get help.
Because of me listening, I can tell it is the new ones that try the bs crap of being mean or talking negatively to me. They are trying to make themselves known and if I don;t address it and talk to them they will continue. They are also the ones that I will hear differently like behind me or off in the corner. They try their very best to be heard by being different.
So another 5 or so years I learned that and how to get them back in line with the rest. I acknowledge their existence. For me it is simple as that. Like I said I take a completely different approach to this than most everyone here.
I do admit when I am stressed which is often, they all start acting up again because they know I am weaker and can’t control them as much. But I am stubborn and they know that as well. I won’t shun them and send them away as long as they behave and act right.
So my short answer I guess is when I have things under control, everyone in their place, I hear both ears - when stressed or new one come on board, I hear the echo effect like they are coming from different directions.
Have you been under stress lately?
well i missed a dose of my med (of which i take a low dose) and my head was swimming with very loud thoughts and spinning, so i quickly took my med and it was better 30 mins later so all i can say is everybody is different,
its good that you know what is happening bc some people really dont have a clue and nothing changes, its just the changes that are difficult to see, you need to find your own ways to cope, i distract myself as much as possible, whether it be coming online, playing an instrument or writing poetry all of which are great ways to express yourself and i am sure there are more ways than that.
so i guess just keep taking meds, talk to your doc and find your own ways to cope along side meds. good luck
Yeah i usually do. Sry for jumbled mess everyone, i know its prob hard to decipher, i have a bit of a brain cloud today, finding it hard to concentrate but that has been my M.O. lately.
@Minnii you were right the other day i was def manic but i think i stayed mostly grounded thanks to your reality check, def helped! Congrats on the newly appointed position!
Aw, thanks, glad I could help. You definitely sound calmer.
Yes definitely, i thought i was on the upslide out of it though and actually felt really well for the first time in a while when these new hallucinations showed up and threw me off my game.
@mjgh06 i have the same process you do by acknowledging my voices and keeping them in check. Seems to work better than fighting myself.
Glad to see our method worked for you, reassures me a great deal in my chosen method. Ive had to personify them a little and disagreed with my wife over whether this would be a good tactic or not, but works for me i think.
Now i get the same mean talking derogatory talk when stressed from my mine, but when not stressed and hearing things, as in the other night, its more giggles or mumbled language, or laughing, or someone calling my name in the distance, it has been unbearably distracting.
@Minnii and @mjgh06, were either of you able to dessern the validity of what you hear by speach patterns or location of sound if there was no actual body of content in what they say, for example laughing or calling name? I feel i am ok distinguishing whether real when they actually talk in sentences but struggling with this other aspect.
@Minnii, whats a pseudo hallucination? And is a slight hallucination like i have been experiencing enough to be considered a state of psychosis? i may just have all this terminology confused.
Thanks a lot for the help everyone, i have an extremely analytical mind and must quantify things to get some sort of closure for plan of action for myself or else i become obessive searching for answers, and stress myself out over it making it all much worse. I have always have to know why and how everything works which i love and hate about myself.
Without my paranoia to guage reality i am having to find all new ways lately to reality check what i percieve and all of your experiences really help me analyze, so thanks a bunch!!
I thouroughly disagree with the personifying method really, just lands you back on the psychosis train. Believe me, I’ve seen enough of it. Not personifying them, however, lands you on the recovery train. And I really don’t believe in exceptions to this. It’s simple, once you believe they are real and come from real sources, you have a very thin chance of dismissing them, because you keep thinking of what that source can be. If you dismiss them as “simple hallucinations”, you have a better chance at looking at your illness on a recovery prespective. And that’s the path you want to be on, if you want to get better. It’s the only way you develop coping mechanisms that will work.
And this, personifying the voices, is considered a state of psychosis.
Pseudo hallucinations are thought like voices, they come from different “regions of the brain” but are not heard as an outside auditive hallucination, rather inside the brain. It’s weird 
Top - That is kinda funny - mine were singing to me the other night, and then a new one popped up and called my name.
Next -I am not sure what you mean by ‘validity’ But the singers I knew who they were because I knew them, know their voices. The new one took me offguard and I actually thought someone was in my room. For me you have to get to know them and recognize their voices, so when things happen I know who it is.
Not always true… My new pdoc when I explained to her how I view it and how I believe them as being spirits that I have to take care and for me that has been the only thing that works. She agreed with me in the point that as humans we all have different viewpoints and there are many cultures that believe this way. I forget the exact wording she used, but it made me feel better that she can accept the fact that as long as I can control them and they don’t begin to overpower me, I am okay…
Sorry mj, believing the voices have sources is considered a delusion.
And your pdoc probably said that out of political correctness.
I dont consider them coming from an external source, more that they are a hallucination coming from within, but to tame them i need to have a way to distinguish them and not get wrapped up in thinking to myself “your getting worse, your talking to nothing, whats wrong with you, why dont they stop, what do they want” that would take me over.
So i have made them entities within myself that i can quantify and use my personal ways to quiet them and not let them take over my thought process and drag me into a pit of despair. them meaning my own intrusive thoughts and delusions, i do know there is no them, i just use the personification for the sheer issue of ease and distinguishability when explaining to others. This allows me to argue back, only slightly most times, to stop them in their tracks. I get wrapped up in the philosophy and self deprication of “why do i have these horrible thoughts and ideas” and thinking of them as an entity allows me to remove the blame from myself and move forward more easily and faster.
It has really helped me so far just to be able to wrap my head around all of it and not get stuck chasing my own tail, because i do know my tendency to analyze it to death and over obesess about it until its all i can manage to do, thus sending me into deep psychosis as a result (last months issue) The lesser of 2 evils i am choosing i feel maybe? @Minnii i understand your position but can it really be all that damaging if im not delusional about it, just choosing my own “language” to describe it to help keep my thought process and obessive nature in check, and keepi g the thoughts from becoming overly intrusive and unbearable?
(This is the same disagreement ive had with my wife and i really value your opinion on this)
I couldn’t have said it better @Reggie It is the only way I can cope. If I try to do it the other way it leads me to worse psychosis. Maybe I am more analytic as well - I always said it a rational or logical. So thinking this way keeps it more logical for me - more reasonable to control.
Whether they are real or not if it is a voice you are not used to hearing? Just looking for a tool to keep from constantly walking around going “did you call me?” I would never get anything done, lol. Or completely blocking out everyone always thinking its a hallucination and getting yelled at for “not listening or paying attention” by everyone. By everyone i mean my wife and my mom, lol.
Im in a loose loose situation def with my mom. I just hope i dont get a voice that sounds like my wife then ill be in some serious trouble, lol. But i feel bad enough already for what she deals with for me and looking stay “in the moment” when im with her, and not concern her and stress her out by making her think im never cognizant of whats going on or that i dont care about her feelings, which makes me feel worse when it happens and we get stuck in that cycle.
She gets worried because i get lost analyzing things and she knows where that has lead to before. But it is part of me and fighting it just makes more intrusive thoughts and things much worse. My ability to analyze any and every situation or question is my superpower, but also my kryptonite. I have to “feed the beast” so to speak but also keep it on a chain and finding balance is an ever changing formula, then that needs to analyzed, then the reason i had the formula needs to be analyzed…then check my math…then make a graph…see there i go! Lol. I have a tendency to drive people batty and just need a few more “tools” for my " toolbox " used for troubleshooting this new me.
As soon as you argue back, the illness wins that battle. The idea is not to understand them, but to live comfortable despite them. Or even without them, that’s the preferable.
I won’t argue with you on this, I honestly believe someday you’ll understand what I’m saying. It’s not a battle between you and the entitie behind the illness, it’s a battle between you and the illness. In lack of better words, we don’t know, and what we don’t know we’ll never understand, why waste our precious time thinking about it?
What we do know is psychology for example, that can really help you with the voices, since they’re a part of you. Science, books and other fantasy worlds that don’t revolve around obsessing over the illness either.
Food for thought…
The real or not is just by listening to them and knowing your surroundings. I keep a very limited social realm IRL - my parents, my brother, and those who actually live here - my dd, my spouse, my son, and my bil. I know their schedules and when they are home and where they are at. Sometimes my brother-in-law gets freaked out because I will go see where he is at just to make sure I know. But he has gotten used to it over the years.
If you know where everyone real is at then you know the voices are not them.
As for voices that sound like someone you know, I have not had that happen. But I do sometimes have trouble following conversations if the ‘voices’ are talking to much. Everyone above mentioned knows I have this issue, so as example if I am talking to my mom and forget what she is saying or can’t comprehend - I just say can you repeat or give me a moment - the voices… and she knows to give me time.
with your wife you need to get her onboard with that. I did that with all of them - explain how I have problems conversing sometimes either because of the cognitive or voices. It is nothing against them, so they understand. So they know I just say wait a minute - the voices and they click in their brains she’s not being rude and calm down.
But i am focused on the war. If by having only a slight bit of collateral damage could i overcome what has beat me down for so long, meaning is there such a thing as sacficing a piece “for the greater good of the whole”.
Is it unhealthy to use my methods to ultimately find a path of comfort in life despite the illness, if it works? I do not see it as an entity behind the illness, i see the illness as a part of me, thus i am at war with myself and have to regain and keep control or the illness wins by tearing me apart and robbing the enjoyment from my life. that when it starts getting bad i can tell myself or yell at myself or argue with myself to keep me from succumbing to it, if at the very least it gives me hope to continue the fight.
@Minnii do really appreciate your position and opinions in all this and enjoy the back and forth, it helps me analyze all the different aspects of this issue, because unfortunately i cant let things go and have never been able to accept that i dont understand something and move on, i HAVE to know why, always, about everything. I have an obessive thirst for knowledge and it actually makes my intrusive thoughts worse by giving up and not finding answers to questions, or at least generate a perspective theory that i am comfortable with, regardless the subject. So it is all in search of overall comfort and quality of life for myself.
It will eat away at me to no end if i dont u derstand because i have resounded myself to refuse to ever give up anything. I see myself as a bit of a philosopher and have a haunting desire to understand the universe and the overall meaning of life. I have a very obsessive nature when i dont understand an issue because i take great pride in my intellect and my powers of deductive reasoning, and am a control freak and perfectionist, always having to be the best at everything. Whether or not there are underlying issues behind all this i have accepted that it is my nature and ingrained i who i am as a person. This conversation is prob evidence of how obessive i can be over the most miniscule of topics!! Sry to drive you nuts @Minnii i am ruthlessly relentless, lol.
It’s alright 
I can relate with a lot of what you said, some takes me back to a darker time, other things are still very present. The prefectionism, the mysteries of the universe, all relatable.
Our minds just keep spinning and spinning and just be sure not to believe, don’t settle for an answer your mind might find, even if it makes sense and the whole universe is “telling” you that it is so.
Always remember our minds play tricks on us, double question, reality check, ask, listen to others, don’t take others for granted either, or their opinion.
I honestly think, and I will say it again, that personifying the voices isn’t the way to go, you’ll either figure it out for yourself or you’ll be the only person in the world that discovers a way for that to help
I don’t admire in myself the stubborness that comes with perfectionism, and it’s been a long road to leave some of those neuropathways behind.
or at least two in the world… There are always those who medically or otherwise go against the norm. In my case what works for everyone else never usually works for me. If left to the medical realm of what works for the majority I would already be dead as my doctors had prognosed I would be by age 25. I am still here fighting doing it against the grain. That has been my only survival method because meds so far don’t work for me.
Around and around we go, endlessly, with no relief in sight. My friends and family dont quite get it and are quite content in saying “i dont know” but if i resound myself to that i think i always feel like i have let myself down in some form or another.
I am well aware of the tricks our minds play on us. I have written pages and pages on theories of self deception possibilities and probabilities. I constantly am seeming to be in a battle of wits with myself and i might be loosing! Or would that be winning?! A tie maybe? Either way im a sure bet!! Lol.
@Minnii thanks for letting me bounce some ideas off you and debate methodology, it allowed me to get my thoughts in order for therepy today so i wasnt just rambling incoherently and i made some real progress today. i just got done tdoc session and he gave me some tips tools and reassurance so i feel much better now and not so conflicted and worried. You have been invaluable to me this past month. Thanks!!