I hate the term ‘snowflake’ with a burning passion. But I have a friend who is such a snowflake stereotype. everything is racist, ableist, agist, sexist, or otherwise offensive.
Any slight disagreement turns into a week of pouting and public “this person is a big meanie and I’m triggered”.
They’re always salty and upset at something or someone.
I used to like being friends with them, but it’s starting to get exhausting.
How do I tell them in a nice way to try a bit harder not to take offense at everything, without them taking offense?
And yes I am aware this post makes me seem like an arsehole. But if I have to sit through one more public rant about how someone offended them and everyone needs to know, I’ll end up telling them in a not so nice way.
It’s just… They post screenshots of conversations where they perceived people as mean or offensive, and I reaaally don’t want to be one of their screenshotd
I have dealt with a lot of this personality type before. If I want to preserve the relationship, I usually start telling stories about “oh this one time when X person did this, and at first I was offended, but then I stopped to think and realized they were actually trying to say Y,and I just misunderstood. I felt so glad that I took the time to understand them”
Or else I try to remind them that if they really want the world to be a better place, they are going to have to either murder everyone with bigoted beliefs or accept the fact that everyone has the potential to grow and change, and that people are more likely to change their behavior when they feel like it will lead to more love and acceptance.
One thing that NEVER works with this personality type is directly challenging their beliefs about the people they are offended by. To them, that person is truly out of line and terrible for doing X. If you disagree, you are saying that it is okay to be IRREDEEMABLY EVIL. Modelling healthy responses to conflict and trying to encourage patience seem to work better in my experience.
Understanding the mechanics of why also can help. People who act like this tend to be people who spent a good portion of their life afraid to stand up for themselves. They may have been prone to blaming themselves for things that clearly weren’t their fault, and quick to excuse or dismiss abuses against them. Now, they are massively overcorrecting, the way we all do when learning a new skill. So now, NOTHING is their fault and EVERYTHING is someone else’s. They are sick of being beaten down and will NOT let it happen again. Eventually, they will even out when they realize people are more complex than that. It’s up to you if you think their behavior is bearable enough to be around in the meantime.
When a head strong person was mistaken about something, without her knowing it, I referred her to the computer which explained it clearly and correctly. I was on the subject but not directly, so there was no confrontation. She just has a real hard time discovering she is wrong about something and will deny it.
