How do you let it out?

[anon49185775]

My descent in art form

[image] [image] [image] I drew these the first week of my active phase of psychosis. The plain skull has kanji translating to “survival”, representing me before schizophrenia. The ninja skull has kanji meaning “pain” which is significant because in my prodromal phase, i was learning krav maga and conditioning intensely often injuring myself lifting weights, preparing for ROTC. The final drawing has kanji meaning “rage” which represents my full blown insanity, paranoia and distrust of everything and everyone. I lost my creativity due to my medication, but I hope to add one more skull, the “on meds” skull. I will probably upload it in a couple weeks, im on break before next semester.

My art

I also write science fiction

me powerlifting

Me being “highly intelligent”

These are my outlets, creativity, aggression, learning…and orgasms…and alcohol, tobacco and being the equivalent of a walking firearm- trained in hand to hand combat and very strong…I’m power-oriented, I get off on having power, physical power, achievements, overcoming challenges, ect…If I am told that I can’t do something or have something, I just feel challenged, then accomplishing it is a great source of pleasure for me. Like when I am told that I can’t do something, I just get irate.

The only people I listen to in regards of what I can and cannot do are my doctors, and my psychotherapist tells me that I could take it a little easier and not be a perfectionist. But then again, that is mainly about working out and getting pissed over making an A- instead of an A. He himself is an elitist to a degree and also arrogant like I am. He and I get along. I trust him and completely respect him, perhaps as much or even more than I respect myself.