I was diagnosed at 2016.
I am worrying a lot… my father and godparents say “youre only pretending that youre ill, your personality is such”… Sometimes ((i dont know how to understand this)) but I want to smile like… smile like a bad person, with evil smile, when I think, that I am actually only pretending!
My doctor is saying the opposite, she says my symptoms and everything is more or less like from “psychiatric books”. I had one psychosis after meth and weed, which was long, I was scared, paranoid etc as I remember. I believe, that the fact I thought I am god, and that I can control everyone’s thoughts is a clue- that I actually experienced psychosis. Yet I still dont know, why my family dont believe in me, and why I feel like I am pretending, actually even smiling when I think about it. I am confused as hell.
I look at it as both, its part of me as a person and its basically what they say as well, you are the same person only you are very troubled,
Imo this illness is seriously hard to fake, you can fake a smile and look ok on the outside and you can try to make that smile a genuine smile as well,
It is what it is as well, we can only try to improve our situation 
hope this helps.
If you were faking that would mean you could snap out of it anytime and be OK. I doubt you can do that.
It would mean you don’t have any symptoms and you could just go about your life functioning fully and living a normal life. I doubt that’s true of you too.
There is no reason to pretend. It’s more likely that unresolved trauma can make a person stuck in a delusional state if anything, but for most people with the diagnosis there is no logical explanation I would think.
Society punishes you badly for being honest about schizophrenia. Believe me your not faking it.
I don’t think with most of us that the old saying “fake it till you make it “ applies to us. It’s a misunderstood illness and it can be lonely.
I experience the “evil smile thing” sometimes, too.
Each time I’m doing well I am scared I faked my sza. Sometimes this leads to me messing with my meds which ultimately makes me ill again so then I would realise I’m not faking it.
Till next time I’m well …
I’ve been well for four months now and doubting I have had sza at all and if I still have it. I probably do… As they say it can’t be cured.
So I understand how you feel
If you’re holding down three jobs and you’re on the Forbe’s list you’re probably a faker. If you have a hard time functioning to the point where you’re lucky if you are wearing clean socks and your parents who you live with nag you about it, you’re probably legitimately ill.
None of these… studying and working sometimes,wouldnt say I am doing very well or very bad.
Just things are more tough than they used to be.
You sound like the real deal to me.
I smile when im uncomfortable. Its embarrassing sometimes but i dont know how to not do it
Thinking you’re faking is a fairly common symptom it seems. I’ve seen it mentioned on the forums on almost a monthly basis… by different people.
I think family just doesnt like to think anything is wrong especially when it comes to mental health. My parents still deny my diagnoses even though ive been in the hospital 15 times
Every time I dont feel psychotic I start to doubt whether I have scizophrenia or not. Then I relapse and know for sure I have it
I heard in a twelve step meeting someone say, “an insane person never knows he’s insane”. This helped me a lot even though it may not be true. It would have been true with me.
I’ve met more than one woman in hospitals who were committed by their husbands and unforgiving of it. I don’t know why I mention that, I go by hunches. (?)
@Moon
Im lucky my parents dont know what schizophrenia is.
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