A book that might help your husband is Surviving Schizophrenia. It’s for caregivers and loved ones.
2 Likes
I need to get a real diagnosis. That’s the Forster step. I just don’t want to be forced into a program or kept overnight or for days or weeks.
1 Like
That’s very smart to be pro-active!
It will be hard for him to understand! Give him examples, instead of trying to explain yourself. Remind him that he is your husband, not your doctor, and that is his role. His intentions are good. He wants to support you. And you need support.
1 Like
They don’t just take you away for having symptoms. Trust me. They hospitalize you for being a dangerous threat to yourself or others. You can be having thoughts of harming yourself or others and still not be taken away. It’s only when you have a plan to hurt someone, that they will commit you. At other times they might recommend hospitalization, but you can say no. You’ll find that people say yes to give their loved ones a break. The other reason they hospitalize you is for functioning. When you stop functioning and meeting your basic needs, they will recommend hospitalization.
@FlyingPurplePeopleMeeter I often feel like I can’t handle this. I want to die frequently and I feel this pressure in my arms and this whisper to just relieve the pressure. If I try to ignore it it gets louder and if I put headphones in or cover my ears it screams.
I had to take a leave of absence at work and now if I’m not back Monday I’m being terminated. Between dealing with this and my mother being ill (I have to find placement for her after she gets out of her rehab; possibly an assisted living) it’s all I can really handle.
That whisper answered the gas pump. The pump was making these grunts and it was terrible. The whisper recommended I light a cigarette as I pumped the gas. I said that was dangerous and she told me worst case I blow up the pump and it’ll stop. I had to leave the gas station.
I’m afraid of reality completely breaking.
@Kim33 You can’t handle this. It is too much for you. You aren’t meant to do it alone. There is help and support. We’re going to help you find it.
It makes sense that you want to die. You want the pain to end. You are being tortured, and you can not endure. However, death is not the answer. The pain can be alleviated, and you can find relief without death.
It was smart to take a leave of absence. Can you extend it? Are you able to return to work on Monday?
I’m sorry your mom is sick. Have you looked into assisted living yet? Do you know what you are looking for? Is assisted living definitely the plan?
The whisper is called a voice. It is a hallucination. It is not real. It is smart not to listen to it. You still have insight. That is a very good thing.
I understand you are afraid of reality breaking. We don’t know if it will. It might, but it might not. It’s best to continue talking about your hallucinations, so you have truth coming in.
1 Like
@Kim33
You can put yourself on a waiting list for a psychiatrist and make a mental health appointment at your primary family doctor.
I’ve been dealing with all of this since I was about 13.
My job won’t extend my leave. I’m just going to be terminated. Imagine that, they gave me paperwork saying I only asked until 4-23 but I have an email that shows it was until further notice. My husband called a lawyer for me.
I really feel like a huge burden and yet at the same time I’m the person that runs the house and keeps it going.
I take care of my husband and child (feeding, laundry, all the housework), I work (it I guess did work) 40+ work weeks to get the money to pay the bills, I help my grandparents (we are taking over there mortgage so they can keep their house), and I’ve taken care of my mother since she fell ill about 5 years ago. I think it’s just one thing after another.
Usually I can use CBT and talk myself down. I’ve helped myself keep it together for over a decade.
Now I feel like I just can’t anymore. I don’t even have a doctor I see. My PCP ignored my post partum depression; which was likely part of all of this—it got so bad I didn’t believe my child was mine when he was an infant and then I didn’t leave the house for months; afraid someone would take him. Now I can’t stand to be in the house. I feel like I need to do, to go, if I stop I’m going to lose. Anything for a little bit of quiet.
@Kim33
You have a lot on your plate! You’ve been doing so much! Your brain is exhausted!
Ok. 
I love to watch vampire programmes… movies… but it’s fictional. I think you need help
I know I need help. It’s actually getting it that’s difficult.
1 Like
I’m amazed you managed to date and marry with this disorder. My SZA makes that milestone feel unreachable. You should definitely congratulate yourself on that!
I don’t know what to say, most of my advice is only useful for newly diagnosed people. I’ve only had it four years myself, I was a healthy quick-witted smart alec before I got sick. You’ve had it for so long, I would hope that gives you experience dealing with it… but you might simply be heading for an episode. I get them too, sometimes they are inevitable. I think a hospital stay or something similar would be great, it can be a good reset button and almost always leaves you feeling better leaving than when you went in.
I really wish you the best, please keep us informed if you go in or if you need help, this forum was designed specifically to help people like us. If I go into crisis I post about it, just to get some human contact while I breathe. People here are very helpful.
@agent101g I have a “normal” life. You can do anything.
It’s these episodes that make it hard. My husband didn’t know I heard voices until recently; I never had to tell him b/c I managed to manage
1 Like
Wow! You kept it to yourself that whole time? You’re a strong person for sure.
@agent101g I think I’m a stupid person. I should have gotten help years ago. My partner has always known something is “off” (his word) about me and just accepted it. He thought my delusions were mostly bad dreams and panic attacks. For him it’s scary but also a relief to know what’s actually wrong.
1 Like
Well I’m sure you’re not stupid or anything, you sound smart to me. I didn’t tell my psychiatrist about my voices right away either.
1 Like
I’ve now reached out to four offices and gotten no replies.
I feel like I’m not meant to get help. Why is it so difficult to get help?
Hang in there. You’re not even diagnosed yet. It’s a long road but one that does get easier to travel as you continue to get help
Go to your local homeless shelter. You may not need free or low income help but you need help and they have a LOT of resources for the mentally ill homeless communities. That is how I got help. Almost instantly