I hate being me. I get nothing done. I am so immobile. I just want to be a better person but I’m not. My body is falling apart. My mind is slipping more and more. My house is a mess. My body is a mess. There is no relief. My kids deserve better. I want to sleep my life away.
3 Likes
Don’t be so hard on yourself.
Take small steps to get stuff done and you’ll feel better, more accomplished.
You can do it, FatMama, you just need to give yourself some more credit.
7 Likes
Remember 5 minutes! A little adds up.
I know exactly how you feel. I fight it everyday.
3 Likes
My mom felt this way too. She didnt realize us kids really needed her, even as a flawed person. You dont have to be superwoman, you just need to be there for them despite it all. If you can do just that, youre a great mom. Thats all anyone can ask, dont fall into the trap of feeling worthless because youre not at 100%, you arent
4 Likes
I like being me but hate what I go through what people say, wish for more kindness and peace
1 Like
Thanks @GoldenRex and @anon4362788 @zwolfgang for encouraging words
@see121 I hope for that too
2 Likes
You need to change something, right? You make your own luck.
I understand to a degree because I went through periods where I was basically non functioning. I was younger and and I didn’t always have a choice on changes that happen to me. But It was my choice to get clean and sober, it was me who took the action and after I got clean my life I did a 180 degree change and not only did I become employed and went to college but on a personal level became a better person.
Sorry, I digressed; but that’s an example of making a change and it paid off immeasurably. But in my life with schizophrenia I moved around a lot, I went through different jobs, I met new people, had a dozen therapists and psychiatrists etc. But I also had to do things I didn’t like, and even hated and I had no control over the situation. I’ve been put into group homes or programs but they sometimes helped. Just physically being among people was very good for me.
I believe every case of schizophrenia is as unique as the individual who suffers from it. No two schizophrenics have exactly the same experiences in life and they don’t experience schizophrenia the exact same way. So I might have gotten lucky in the schizophrenia lottery that makes me able to work and drive and a few other things that not everybody is able to do but it does not make my suffering when I was younger any less real or less severe. I was very, very ill.
So it sounds like you’re suffering more than me at this point, but when I was younger I was shuffled around from hospitals and group homes that I had no say in. But I still had choices and you still have choices too. I wrote all this to highlight the power of change. You have the power to make a change. It doesn’t have to be some huge, monumental change, but just something, anything. Just starting off with small changes that you know you can handle and then graduate to bigger things. Good luck @FatMama.
3 Likes
who can follow that ??? good words @77nick77
4 Likes
Didn’t you just spend $30 at KFC just to make your kids happy? You bought *cheesecake." Who exactly do you think they’d rather have as a mother? Because let me tell you that, provided you aren’t beating them with belts on the daily, they love you for you, warts and all. So much so that one of them will probably eat your cheesecake tonight without worrying that it’ll end with anything but a laugh. They’ll come to you and ask if they can have your dessert, hoping you’ll say yes because they already ate it. They don’t just need you, they want you, forever and always.
1 Like
Money may be an issue but if you could maybe pull enough together to get a cleaning lady to come once and fully clean the house then that way you can keep up with it a little each day it could take some of the stress off of you for you to focus completely on your kids. Not saying you don’t, I have no clue about that, but it will at least get that off your mind. I think you have mentioned before about having a dirty house so you would feel so much better in that aspect which could result in more positive outcomes! I know if I have a mess (which is only when my parents are out of town because both of my parents are neat freaks, which I appreciate) but it makes me stressed in general. I once had a boyfriend whose house was so gross I had to end it because it stressed me out! A clean house and a clean body does wonder for my mental and physical health!
2 Likes
You all give me hope. Thank you!
1 Like
I think that’s a great idea from @Pinkbarbie23, I thoroughly agree. The important thing now is to have a clean house no matter who does it. Once it’s cleaned by a cleaning lady or a friend or a neighbor or Peter Cottontail or whoever; it don’t matter, just get it clean.
Every day is a new day to make a fresh start and improve ourselves. Once that house is clean then you can tackle the problem of keeping it clean
But having it done will take a load off your mind and relieve stress and then you have a little leeway on what to do next and what problem to tackle next. There’s no shame in getting help occasionally to clean your house. Maybe you can just plan to have a cleaning lady to come every two months and the rest of the time in between you can do it yourself or get help from the kids.
Hell, when I was 15 I had to do the dinner dishes every night, clean the bathroom once a week and occasionally do laundry. I fought every night to get out of doing those but I always lost. (I did all this but my own room always looked like a tornado hit it, lol.)
My sisters come occasionally but are not in town. I just want to be self sufficient. I already think I’m totally useless.
Self-sufficiency is a great goal but you don’t have to be a 100% self-sufficient. You can work on being mostly self-sufficient and still lean on people when you need to and get help.
1 Like
@FatMama your never useless … you are always important and special to your kids if no one else, and to us in the forum.
1 Like
This topic was automatically closed 90 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.