I looked and didn’t see one of these yet and I know there are a lot of us struggling right now. So come tell us about it. Get some virtual hugs. Vent and complain and cry as much as you need to. We’re here for you regardless of what winter holiday you’re celebrating or not celebrating.
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I think I may have me a good cry while I listen to some music.
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Crying is very cathartic. I wish I could cry more often.
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I’m feeling really lonely. I had a flatmate for a while and we really connected for a few months. Then I got on her nerves and she just moved out. And now I am all alone again. I’m sad and crying.
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I’m sorry. Do you have any support system near you? Friends, family, partner, waitress at the coffee shop?
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Got some friends and family, but I don’t feel close - so it’s not the same, I’ll get over it - just felling sorry for myself atm
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I’m really struggling tonight. Holidays are especially hard when there is so much focus on family and kids. It all seems so incomplete without my son. I keep wondering when I’ll move on. When I’ll accept that he’s gone and I’ll only ever have one living child. But every day, and especially holidays and special days, I’m reminded that he’s gone.
It’s nights like tonight that make me think about going off my meds and letting the hallucinations take over again. Just so I can see him again. 
But, I can’t do that. Instead, I’m going to spend the holidays with my in-laws who won’t even acknowledge that my son ever existed. So that’s fun.
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That sounds really really hard, I’m feeling for you.
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I’m also wanting to stop my meds. Ran out today was going to get the script filled, but just couldn’t. I just feeling like saying F#$ck it. Retreat into psychosis.
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That’s never a good idea. Been there done that way too many times. It’s never ends well.
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Whereabouts in the world are you @Led Got anybody you can talk to?
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I’m in the States. No one to talk to at the moment. No one really understands anyways.
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hey @LED
thanks for this thread. This is a gross time of year for me. I’m so sick of answering colleagues’ happy questions about the 25th. They are all so pumped about the 25th and I could give a ■■■■. The 25th means hellish interactions with relatives I haven’t seen for ages, who can’t wait to tell me what a failure I am & how awesome they & their kids are. Hmm.
I attempted to do damage control for the 25th by creating a 26th picnic event for those of my friends who find the 25th stressful & not happy. Initial response was good. But big problem is my back is totally damaged just now after a 20km hike. I don’t think I can host the picnic, I can barely sit despite osteo treatment. Even if weather in SE Australia isn’t lethally high temps & we’re actually able to meet in a park in the outdoors to tend to each others wounds inflicted on the 25th, won’t I look like a big arse?
There’s a few days to go still but right now I’m catastrophising & seeing black & white thinking that my picnic is a dumb & awful idea that my friends will think is terrible & therefore that I’m terrible.
Can you see any positive in this poo-poo plan @LED?
A big summer hug (yeah it’s 44 deg Celsius tomorrow - 112F here in SE Australia) to all who need one at this delicate & stressful time of year. Thanks @LED for giving us a space.
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Yeah your right, I just need to somehow find a way to get to the pharmacist and get the script filled. Hopefully I’ll be up to it tomorrow. The AP’s don’t do all that much for me anyway. I’m usually not that much worse without the AP’s, but I really have to take the mood stabilizers (I’m ShzA) or I’m a mess
Well you’re here, talking to people who do understand. If that helps…
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Can you stop by to visit family but leave early to avoid becoming overwhelmed with the blathering and judgement?
I think getting together with friends is a great idea. What about making it a brunch type picnic to avoid the worst of the heat? Like 9-10am.
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It’s helped me already. I’m glad I came here right now - put things in perspective
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I feel for you @LED That is such a heavy weight to bare. 
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My twin brother invited me for xmas dinner, now he’s feeling a bit let down cos i said no. Im not exactly a misery over christmas, but i dont look forward to it either. Im not very good company this time of year, especially as i wont be seeing my daughter. So im best left alone to zone out for the xmas period in front of the tv, dosed up on Aps. Il venture out the front door when its all over.
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thanks @LED, you’re a sweety
If I go to the family do it’s heavy-duty, right wing Christianity, my aunt’s belief in the wrathful god: suffering is good, starvation is good. The food is all about suffering & starvation which is just a tad triggering for me given I’ve got psychotic symptoms! My guy cousins just walk on eggshells around her and it’s all kinds of miserable family politics I don’t have the skills to negotiate. I don’t know if I can make it there. I always feel the need to be peacemaker & make everyone feel normal & loved. I’m good at that but it takes it’s toll.
I don’t want to write anymore negative garbage here as I feel it’s disrespectful to the purpose of your thread. You’re a kind soul, trying to make a painful time for us better.
Yeah, my mates may be up for an earlier picnic. I’ve made pudding & was planning on celebrity head & charades.
What are you doing for the 25th and 26th?
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