Nobody gives a ■■■■ about me. Holidays always sucks for me. Like what am I here for I’m sick I struggle to do the basics and I fight so hard to make sure my kids have everything. I’m alone I take medicine just to function but I’m barely living. I’m tired of going to hospitals I’m tired of medication I’m even tired of wanting someone to be there because they cant help me. When my kids grow up they’re just going to leave. Everyone hates me no one sees what I do not even my ex. If I die life will go on. My battle buddy at least she’s at peace no more suffering. What’s the sense in fighting anymore. Maybe this christmas I might be gone for good. Life will move on like usual my kids will be happy. Then I will be at peace no worries and I dont want to come back to this earth no more hardship.
Hey @Sleepy . You have your kids and they think the world of you. Christmas is a bad time for many people. It’ll be January soon. A new year. New possibilities.
i am very alone too currently, sleepy… Idk what to say… But i am sure your kids love you a lot!!! Believe this pls. But yeah, with this illness, we find ourselves quite alone… Sleepy, i am isolated between 4 walls since 20 years with this… My only friend told me she would have killed herself in my place… I get worse on holidays too…
Me too i am tired. I am tired also from the others who say i dont fight and that i should do this or that… Its just not helping even when i fight… I always end up with my symptoms…
Pls, stay in life for us. me too, ill try this… It looks like many people feel as s*** in the holidays lol…
I dont feel like I have a purpose anymore. I run but I’m slow I’m a joke to everyone I can never get my ■■■■ together. I struggle just to keep an apartment clean. Like why did god put me here to suffer. I feel like a joke couldn’t complete my military service cant work and I struggle with everything.
It’s comforting to think of another possibility, a solution to our suffering. Thinking of empowering yourself with control over a life you feel powerless in is a natural path for a mind that actually wants to survive.
I’ve had suicidal ideation most of my life. And it’s comforting, like I said, but in reality the best solution and the most power comes from waiting out these times.
I have a son who’s grown and living far from me now, but I’m his mother and I will not leave him a legacy of desperation and loss. He may see me struggle but he’ll never see me give up.
He will see me stay through each cycle of depression over and over. He’ll see me win every time, even if it’s winning a life of hardship, it’s still winning.
You can do this. You love your kids. They love you and they would never be better off without you.
Lets try to get over those holidays together… 
I say f*** to them then… Sorry if i sound crazy now… But yeah, i am very alone too now… sleepy, lets keep walking… Just make it day by day now… You can get better. But ok, we are two then who are tired to fight now. Think of me 20 years of isolation, dear… And me too, i gave up… I am tired to fight tonight too… the others dont understand why i gave up, but they dont have my pains… Stay in life. Just this. Ill have a cigarette now thinking of you… This illness is very painful. hellish… My thoughts are to you now… Me too idk if i can recover one day… My mom says no, you know… whatever…
Keep walking, dont think of fighting now, just walking if you can And if you want, do smth pleasant to you now. Just this tbh, i am very bad too now too… we are two.
I’ll state the obvious. Because you’re mad, lonely and feel hopeless, all you can see is the negatives. Which is understandable but not accurate. I could give you a list of what’s good in life and what’s positive but I will just say one: your kids love and need you. Kids are pretty accepting and forgiving and you’re the only mother they have.
Life is not a 100 percent bad. You will see this when you start having the inevitable good days. No matter how good life gets there will always be occasional bad days but just the best part of life is always around you like getting out in nature or enjoying a good meal or smiles from kind strangers etc. You just have to plow through the bad times the best you know how and there is light and good times at the end of the tunnel. Good luck and Merry Christmas.
If you are feeling suicidal, please tell someone — a friend or family member, a teacher, a doctor or therapist or call 911 (if you’re in the U.S.) or the Emergency Medical Services phone number in your country.
You can also call a suicide prevention hotline—these are available in the U.S. and in many other countries.
International suicide hotlines:
Suicide hotlines in the U.S.:
https://www.thetrevorproject.org
More resources:
The crisis text lines are good for when you need to just have someone to listen.
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