my mother and me didnt really got along all the time but latetly its getting worse.
she is always criticizing me and doubting my dreams and my decisions, never being satisfied.
i think she is just unsupoortive by her nature.
i cant cope anymore with all the stress of the hospitalization and her caracter, to me she is very antypatic.
i dont have a lot of friends who can/will help.
Can you live on your own?
It sounds like you should consider moving out. If you can’t afford it, maybe a group home?
i dont have that here
Your country doesn’t have group homes? What country do you live in?
it dosent and i dont think i would like a group home. i can wait for sure a few months till i get a job.
the things i wonder is if i am in a dysfunctional relationhsip
Your mom is used to having to take care of you, which most likely makes her worried about your future. Using I statements, and not you statements, sit her down and talk about your goals and dreams and what they mean to you. Tell her you’d like her support as you work to achieve those goals. Explain that lots of schizophrenics manage eventually, by taking their medicine and working on their health, to get married and have jobs. It is possible
good advice @LilyoftheValley
i did something i learned from therapy and realised she acts like that with evryone.
which makes me think its not dirrected at me, its her problem. it affects me because i am a lil paranoid by nature so i think it has something to do with me.
but actually its her own problems that shes dealing with.
im preety sure of it.
overall its my reaction to her behaivour that bothers me.
and thats something i nees to work on. showing more compassione towards her
she has some bad sides for sure and brings in damage to the relationship too, but not to the extent i feel sometimes she does.
and same goes with me
I do have an advice for you, but you probably not going to like it.
Until you live under her roof and eat from her table she kinda owns you. You need to start setting up your own boundaries, but you won’t be able to do that unless you are an independent person. Taking a full responsibility for your own life is how you get ahead. This means that you need to start earning your own money, and get the hell out of your mother’s house.
If you have a disability that prevents you from working, you can still make it happen. But since you haven’t specified anything about your disability I’d assume that you can work.
My mother knows that I love her dearly, but she also knows where and when not to cross the line. Show your mother that you are capable and willing to change, and then do those things. Put a smile on your face and get after it.
Your advice is garbage Genesis. “You’re not entitled to boundaries when you live with someone else”. “They own you”. Ah yeah offspring are slaves.
“you didn’t mention not being able to work so it should be no problem” why dont you ask them instead of making assumptions.
“if you do have an issue that stops you from working you can still make it work” even when they said there is limited support in their country…
How old are you Cig and what country do you live in?
I think a lot of people don’t get on with their parents. Its made a lot worse with schizophrenia when you have genuine issues stopping you from doing things yet parents hold on to their expectations and don’t make adjustments.
I think its good that you can identify that it isnt personal and that your Mum has issues with other people too.
I think you do need to communicate your feelings more like @LilyoftheValley said. Use I statements and try to speak calmly.
In terms of setting goals and achieving things. I think its important to be realistic and not set yourself up for failure. But its more important to explore your ambition and see where it can take you. If theres something that really interests you I would just do it. If it doesnt work - then it doesnt work and you can try something else. You don’t really lose much.
Ultimately you are in charge of your life so even if your parents disaprove it doesnt really matter if that thing makes you happy or successful. Its your life so live it how you want. I also think most parents will approve of their child’s happiness/success even if they had inital doubts.
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