First time using any form of schizophrenia support group/forum.
I was baker acted and diagnosed with Schizophrenia in my early high school years, (I believe it was in 2015).
I am very isolated from the world at a social level, and am living with my parents. I wanted to try and reach out to get some help from other people who are more familiar with schizophrenia than my immediate family. (I have problems with my parents, but that is another topic in and of itself.)
My generic schizophrenia experience:
I know I am schizophrenic, I have had and continue to have paranoid delusions, I have experienced a handful of hallucinations, but they only happen immediately after waking up from sleeping and except for one case (that would go in the unusual beliefs category), I know that they are just dream sequences I am waking up from. I do not have hallucinations otherwise. I have tinnitus (ear ringing), I know that the thoughts I hear in my mind are my own conscious voice, I do not hear âotherâ voices in my head that I do not control, BUT I have noticed some odd things with my conscious voice itself that are strange.
What I want to discuss in this thread:
-Physiological abnormalities, that I know I can physically feel within my body (and may not have anything to do with schizophrenia?)
-My personal experience with schizophrenia and the related events leading to the disorder.
-Strange coincidences I have noticed in my life experience, that may be nothing at all, but are still bothering me psychologically.
This could be âdelusions of referenceâ. Where you think things are referencing you specifically but theyâre just ordinary everyday things. Like thinking a song was written for you, or that an advert is talking especially to you.
Welcome to the forum!
You are most likely right about delusions of reference. One of those coincidences happened at my last held job: (earlier within a year ago.)
I watched the Disney movie Anastasia one night for personal reasons, and the following morning one of my co-workers said to another right in front of me:
âWhat was Anastasia all aboutâ
And the other half replied:
âI donât knowâ
I talked to my mom about that weird incident, I did not confront my co-workers about it, and she told me they may have been mentioning a Floridian park called Anastasia (I live in Florida). But considering how weird my entire experience was at that job site and how my relations were to my co-workers, that seems entirely unlikelyâŚ
I know that first co-worker would talk about me in front of the others, in a negative gossiping type way, where I could overhear him. But I honestly have no idea what this was about and honestly it made me paranoid that I am being spied on somehow, even though I know that must not be true.
Ok, that doesnât sound like delusions of reference, just a very unfortunate coincidence probably.
âI did not confront my co-workers about it, and she told me they may have been mentioning a Floridian park called Anastasia (I live in Florida).â
Sometimes/more often with schizophrenia they are the reference delusions. I can have them sometimes, but not since being medicated. Today I sat in the park and had a breakthrough revelation: Everything is energy. The energy you put into things comes out that way. So instead of obsessively wondering about this strange glitch in the âsystemâ focus on more productive things or coping skills to detract from the discomfort.
It sounds simple but it is a lot more difficult to master than just saying this on a forum. Energy really is what you put into it though. I believe I understand some of my past/old beliefs that I am beginning to complete/master my mentality despite having schizoaffective.
Schizophrenia is an illusion to society and others because everyone experiences reality to a certain degree of difference, there is no total schizophrenic, there are total states of mind, but if you learn to stop clinging to events you can move through them, release the stress of every day habits like smoking cigarettes I can just accept that Im smoking but less frequently when I realize that its energy.
I dont want to put energy into things that are destructive. Welcome to the forum.
I have 2 physiological abnormalities, that may be related to each other, IDK.
- I can physically feel and control (through my nervous system) a electric sensation within my body, that makes whatever part of my body that I focus (move it towards) feel like it is getting colder. I can start it at the base of my neck and control it to move it throughout my nervous system like a patch of electric/cold sensation. Normally it goes automatically from my neck all the way to my hands and feet, tracing out my nervous systemâs path throughout my body, But I can focus it and even move the sensation back and forth within my body. I know that this is just within my perception of sensation, for example if I push it into just one hand and hold the other one that is unaffected together with it, then the unaffected hand cannot feel this sensation in the one that can. I have tried to do the same with my mother, by having her hold my hand while I push the sensation into my hand, and she cannot feel anything. I notice the my hair on my arms feels like static electricity is going through it when I push the cold patch through my arm.
- I have a pressure like feeling in my head, that comes and goes, at itâs worse, my head feels like it is being whacked by a shovel, just without the physical pain of it, when I was at my last job it got to itâs peak (maybe because of stress) and it felt like a anaconda was wrapped around the top part of my head (in a kind of constricted feeling). That was a significant factor as to why I quit my job. I notice that it corresponds with my mood changes.
âŚ
In the first sensation, it may be connected to a seizure like panic episode, that had a similar but much greater affect, I will explain in another post. I have only had the panic seizure experience twice in my life, once in high school before being baker acted, and once during the thanksgiving of last year.
Like I said, it is most likely just a harmless coincidence, but other things did happen in my life, and on that job site as well that also seem suspect.
And you are absolutely right on with the positive attitude. I really wish there were some things in my past that I could just let go of and move on.
On a related note, I like reading philosophy, recently read the Tao Te Ching by lao tzu (think I spelled that correctly). Greatest short book I have ever read.
Welcome to the forum 
In the case of my 2 âpanic seizuresâ:
One happened in high school, while I was in a chemistry class. I didnât know what was going on, and went to the school nurse. She basically told me to go away in more polite terms, I guess she had to deal with kids trying to get out of school with any excuse possible, first and last time I ever went to the school nurse.
The other happened while I was taking a shower (during thanksgiving of 2022) and seemed much more psychotic and severe, almost like a legitimate seizure.
In both cases the sensation felt like it was going out of control, making the nerves in my entire body fire off, it would start in my head and face and then envelope my entire body. It was not painful, but it was the freakiest thing I have ever felt in my entire life.
In both cases there was a precursor of psychological trauma before I had these âpanic seizuresâ.
In high school I was traumatized by a girl I had liked, within a month before the seizure. She had obvious interest in me the previous school year, and even asked me if I wanted to go out with her, but due to my growing paranoia of other people at the time (the onset of schizophrenia), I told her no in a weird way. So she ended up lap dancing on her boyfriend she went out with instead right in front of me with the intent to diss me off. At that time I felt a cold feeling envelope my body, probably due to trauma or shock, and from that point onward, I could not feel any love or affection towards her again. The reason I bring that up is because she was in the same classroom that I had the panic seizure in.
Last thanksgiving, I felt extremely stressed and tired from working my previous jobâs shifts, and felt very isolated from my family as they came to my parentâs house for their yearly visit. In any case, I went through the seizure again, this time it got much worse, While I was going through the sensation feeling I could not remember anything, almost like amnesia, and the only way I got the seizure to calm down was through a psychological trigger that somehow stopped it. I could remember things again once it had calmed down, but ever since my memory and cognitive abilities feels like it has been going downhill, but that may have been due to the abilify drug I had been prescribed over the last decade or so. I have since stopped taking that drug.
So has this ever happened to other people who are diagnosed schizophrenic, either the cold sensation or the panic seizures?
The bodily sensations you describe sound like tactile hallucinations. Early in my disorder I thought I was feeling peopleâs auras but it ended up being a treatable hallucination.
This morning I had a pretend conversation with my future self: i asked what would you have done differently if you could go back to now. the hypothetical me answered: continue my medication and work on my goals.
It was a very soft intuitive answer not like a voice, but I pay attention to that insight which I have developed over time. I have taken abilify for 16+ years and it does work.
I still had anxiety attacks on klonopin. Im still having issues with wellbutrin inducing mania and over-confidence. the wellbutrin seemed to help me a little but now Im thinking I was better off without it. Im thinking I needed to increase not decrease Abilify which I did the same time I started wellbutrin. So I take 20mgs a day and I can handle that.
Klonopin is supposed to help with anxiety and seizures but doesnt seem to work for me so I want to stop that too. I was prescribed it every day not as PRN. I started getting weird panic attacks, or I have had them for awhileâbut it got worse with klonopin.
I dont get seizures. For me its more like panic, then vertigoâlike something is going to happen, and then I distract myself or do something productive to get out of it.
I used to take 20 mg of Abilify (branded ariprozole), then got it worked down to 5 mg by my assigned health psychologist. I noticed it would help suppress my aggression (in terms of mood or anger, not violence), but seemed to have no other noticeable effects on me. I have stopped taking due to my own concerns with the decline of my memory and cognitive capabilities, it may have nothing to due with abilify, but I have seen others post about it online as having negative side affects almost exactly similar to my own.
In any case, it is best to contact your doctor before changing anything with medication. I seem to be doing exactly the same without being on it, in terms of mental health and schizophrenia, but it can be different for everyone else, on a case basis.
I assume it is not a hallucination, as I can control it consciously, besides the panic seizure like events I posted about already. It never happens otherwise unless I make it happen consciously. It always starts up in the back of my neck and then I can push it down my spine into my body, such as my arms or legs. I can also make it go into my head (which I assume uses my brainâs neurons). I think it is just a weird condition of the nervous system, I donât know how I make it happen, but it must be something biological.
I am going to talk to my main primary care doctor early in July to see if I can get a referral to a neurologist. I hope to get a MRI scan of my brain done, as my mind seems to be getting worse in terms of cognitive ability and the pressure that I feel in my head. I had one done when I was baker acted as a teenager, so I would really like to see if anything has changed in my brain since then.
I researched schizophrenia on the neurological front, and found that people who have it tend to have the TPN and DMN parts of their brain activate differently than people without it, and under an MRI it showed similar effects as people who are induced by psychedelic drugs.
At first, several years ago I also resisted taking the medication after being baker acted, but then I decided to take it, mostly because it made my parents feel better if I was on it. It never made the conscious electric-like sensations go away, and other than a more sedated mood or lack of anger/aggression I never noticed any changes in me.
When I was baker acted I was also resentful, and I did not trust the medical staff around me. I actually got a cold or some form of illness from being in the medical facility, I was coughing and hacking all over the place, eventually I convinced the nurse on duty to get me some medicine, but I was miserable and unable to sleep the entire night before hand.
Wellcome to the forum @anon4807860. You seem very knowledgeble of your self.
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