I have found out how my schizophrenia started.
Firstly, as I posted before, I heard a weird sound coming from the apartment upstairs. I couldn’t record it, maybe it was too faint, but here’s a rough reproduction of that sound, using online tone generator:
If it’s not a hallucination, I can’t imagine what could cause such a sound, and how/why would it respond to cars passing by. It’d have to be something quite strange.
If it’s a hallucination, it would make my schizophrenia even more strange - I heard that sound long before the onset of my schizophrenia, it would be the only hallucination I heard before that onset, and it must have been a recurring hallucination (I heard it many, many times - each time the same sound, only heard from my bedroom, and always coming from the apartment upstairs).
Now to the new part. When I came home from the hospital and read a note I had written (but can’t remember writing it) there was written, among other things, that: “Earlier I had written about some strange things that seemed to happen in the apartment upstairs, and I have had voices in my head since that time.” I think I found that writing. Here it is:
"First of all, most of the time there is a feeling in my head that I would describe with the word “block” - there is something that inhibits some of my mental abilities, like learning and reading: often while I’m reading I’d finish reading a sentence and notice I do not remember what I just read. I have to read each of the phrases a few times until they make sense, and so it goes for each sentence. It is as if my mind is focused somewhere else. It started quite a while ago, and I did not notice it initially because despite it being a disabling feeling you can get used to it, l like you can get used to discomfort or mild pain. So far it sounds like a problem someone with a mental illness may have, but I am almost 100% sure I don’t have schizophrenia or anything else of that kind; keep reading why I think so.
About that “block” feeling. I mentioned it persists there most of the time, but not all the time. When that thing goes away the experience is as follows: you feel as if something in your head physically ceases to exist - it was there before but has now been lifted off. There is a sudden feeling of relief, you may breathe more freely than before, your perception of the world becomes much more vivid, and you will have no longer trouble with reading.
Now this is where it gets strange: one day when the “block” feeling disappeared one of my neighbors suddenly started stomping fairly loudly in their apartment. The first time it happened I felt annoyed as the feeling crept back, but when it happened for the second time not only did the feeling come back again, but it also gave me goosebumps because the timing was so precise at both times. It’s not the stomping that causes the block feeling in my head to disappear, because 100% of the time the feeling disappears 1-2 seconds before the stomping begins. I don’t think this is a coincidence, because it has happened several times. And it is not a hallucination because I’ve captured the stomping on a voice recording (when it happened again later). The stomping ceases as soon as the “block” feeling returns. It has happened several times now, and each time the block came back. On one occasion they (1 or more persons) apparently couldn’t get the block feeling back in my head straight away, so they started to do more noise in the room by moving stuff (chairs/tables) around in the room and using a vacuum cleaner (it escalated from a gradually increasing stomping to the other noise within seconds). One day the activity started on the morning, continued through the night to next morning and late afternoon - I know that because I couldn’t sleep at all that night. Makes me wonder if they ever sleep. I consider this a telepathic ability how precisely they can tell when something in my head changes, in order to start making noise. I am usually sitting still while it happens, but often when I am walking (silently) I hear the neighbor follow me with unusually loud steps / stomps. One time when the feeling in my head started to fade, the neighbor immediately with loud steps came from the other room to the spot directly above me and started stomping. It seems they are doing it on purpose to gain my attention, for reasons unknown to me. Because they haven’t explained me why they’re doing it and because it gives me nothing but ill effects I am assuming their intentions are not benevolent.
I will now describe an even stranger event. One night I was lying in my bed, the feeling was there, as usual. I felt as if something or someone was connected to me, and they apparently wanted me to increase my focus on some mental point. When my mind drifted away from the focal point they would signal me a “no” via my eyes moving involuntarily from left to right, and when I managed to keep focus respectively I received a “yes” (eyes moving up, down, and back up, as if nodding). All of the communication from their part happened via the yes and no signs and images. They got me into a very suggestive state and I followed the instructions. At the end they made my breathing stop and instructed me to proceed focusing. I don’t know if they wanted to see if I could kill myself by focusing hard enough while holding breath, or tested how intense focus I can achieve, but in the end I breathed. I am not a swimmer and haven’t practiced holding breath, and it was not a complete control over my body but a very suggestive state. Some strange scent can be smelled at times, which seems to have a sedative effect. I heard various kinds of silent sounds from the apartment above. Throughout the process my limbs and other parts of the body were involuntarily moving in an apparent manner to maintain the focus, in addition to the yes and no reminders. Also, during that time I could not make any voluntary movements myself - when I thought of moving hand or getting up in the bed someone else did those movements for me. Apart from it straight up feeling like someone else is doing it, it also differed from my usual movements in that they were ‘perfect’ - there was no fumbling around for the zip on the pants or door handle, every movement was performed with 100% precision."
Another things I’ve written at that time:
“I could predict when they were about to make noise, with 100% certainty within a couple seconds when that change happened in my mind.”
“To clarify, they are very quiet otherwise. If an otherwise silent neighbor starts stomping only after a change happens in my mind, I think it counts as a pretty solid argument supporting the theory that they have telepathic abilities.”
Also, this text reminds me of another thing I had written in this forum a bit more than a month ago:
I wonder if my “schizophrenia” actually is a real schizophrenia.