Hello. I’m back from a break. I’m starting to believe I really do have psychosis or something along those lines. I recently quit my energy drink addiction and I feel better. I restarted my medication. I take Vraylar and Cymbalta. I think I need to find a new doctor.
I don’t hallucinate or hear voices, but I have very low motivation and poor hygiene. Before I went back on meds and was drinking those drinks, I had bizarre thoughts and stuff. I had no increase in motivation off meds. I was thinking way too much. I kept thinking I was psychic and stuff like I could read people’s thoughts but they couldn’t read mine. That I was telepathic and stuff. I had bizarre theories about reality that I choose to ignore now. I rarely think about them. I guess I was messed up but I wasn’t suffering. I was happy just like I am now.
I don’t do much. I like watching YouTube clips and stuff about TV shows. I get obsessed sometimes. I live in a fantasy world. I guess my favorite show is Lost. My favorite character is Richard Alpert, probably because he is immortal. My psychic abilities are 85-90% gone. I have barely any positive symptoms, except strange dreams. I have depression, low energy, no motivation, and no drive. I have no interest in working, although I like school sometimes. I fantasize about getting a BA in math or CS someday. I like practicing on Codecademy. If I ever work someday, it will be a menial job at Good Will, Dollar Tree, or Wal-Mart or something.
I’ve been having bizarre dreams but I try to ignore them. They don’t interest me at all. Since I quit the energy drinks and started taking Vraylar, they have decreased substantially.
Without getting too out there, I sometimes think I’m going between parallel universes and such. But I feel like 85% normal now. Maybe the caffeine was causing the meds not to work or exacerbating the psychosis. I was drinking 6 monsters a day, not including coffee or soda.
I like people, but I prefer to be alone. I sometimes think people don’t like me or that they hate me. I sometimes feel like I’ve given up on life.
I’m seriously like 60-70% happy. I’ve improved so much since I found Vraylar like 3 years ago.
My mood swings are down, but sometimes I get bursts or energy or something, but not much.
I stopped all supplements. I don’t take anything besides Ashwaghanda.
I replaced the monsters with a cheaper, safer alternative called Kickstarts. I drink less and I can afford them. They’re like a dollar each.
Sometimes, I’m obsessed with the idea that I have ADHD and that I need Adderall to function or be successful, but I think it’s a lie. I have problems with thinking too much, too little, laughing at inappropriate times, zoning out, not listening to others when they are talking, day dreaming, and executive functioning like planning things and putting in effort. I sometimes upset my mom too.
Thank You!