Schizophrenia.com

Have time that you dont remeber

I had time that I couldn’t remeber like I had a freak out in the therapist office and my mom said that I did stuff that I wouldn’t normally do. Also another time with my uncle my mom has a video of me freaking out that I dont remeber. Has any one else have had time lapses of moments they do dont remember or things that people say you did that you for the life of you cant remember or remember differently

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The voices say they took me out of my reality and tourtured me

i have complete memory blanks…on one occasion I was told that I abused my aunt verbally when she called round to me to help me with my psychosis
ive been told I abused her verbally but I have no memory of it whatsoever…I have a complete memory blank…I cant remember it at all

Yes, i had that.

F.e. my brother told me i said certain angry things in psychosis and i said i didnt. He told me i lied and he had the texts still. I said then it must be true, but i genuinely cant remember. He was very pissed and accused me of lying and minimalizing things. I was hurt - i wasnt lying, i just had a blank period.

I’ve had this 3 times. All 3 times were me being abusive towards my boyfriend (who i would never hurt). The 3 times were pretty similar. It happened when he lied to me and excepted i was stupid enough to believe him. I remember getting very mad and yelling but i don’t remember the parts where i hit and punched him. He also said that after i hurt him the last time i grabbed the heater in my room and started hitting myself in the head. (i broke it) He understands that i have schizophrenia and so he’s never gotten mad but i hate that to him the voices are probably just an excuse for what i did.

I hope you all realize that whether you remember it or not, you still hurt these people and they have a right to feel however they feel about the situation. They don’t have to believe you or ever forgive you. You still have to apologize, and try your best to make sure it never happens again. Whether that means new meds, therapy, or whatever. You are responsible for your actions even when you don’t remember them, and you are responsible for making sure you don’t hurt others.

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That happens to me during psychosis. I try not to remember what I did during psychosis when I was unmedicated. It wasn’t respectful to ppl around me for sure. That’s why I will stick to my meds Latuda 80mg and I will never stop it.

Freak outs?

I dont think the environment you’re in sounds very supportive.

Seems like a lot of people want to believe this stuff happens for ‘no reason’.

No. You’re having a response to something.… do you not feel loved by the people in your life?

Most people can say, “My parents loved me.” based on their actions, but the question remains:

Do you feel loved? Especially, for who you are? Are your feelings (whether 'good or ‘bad’) being validated or invalidated?

Be careful around here. This place wants to gas light people into believing what we feel and see isn’t happening…

So it improves memory too…

That’s not a shock.

I agree with that…i feel very sorry for having hurt the people i love in psychosis and through stupid choices and behaviour. I hate how they suffered because of me and it makes me feel deeply ashamed. It is something i kind of avoided because i felt so bad about it. Also others (psychiatrists etc) tend to say “ohhh…you couldnt help it, you werent yourself”. I think i disagree with that. I should have prevented it and taken more responsibility.

Im working through/on it a lot at the moment. I think part of my hurt was because i genuinely couldnt remember and thought i never said it, and felt very ashamed when he told me.

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I’ve done that under the influence of alcohol. I’d get drunk and do crazy things, and then I wouldn’t remember it the next day.

I do think the fact that my feelings and boundaries were often invalidated caused anger in me and confusion. Shame.

I still think my response to that was terribly wrong.

Instead of lashing out from pain and shoving back all the blame to the other person, i should have looked at myself and responded in a good way. My bad responses also invalidated my feelings and boundaries - and those of others.

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I’ve had responses that were not at all ‘right’ but the feeling underneath of getting angry itself is not ‘wrong’.

People in our environment can and do stress us and make us feel unloved for who we are.

We don’t have to beat ourselves up over what we’ve done though. I still go to places that feel really really awful when I ruminate on those things.

We do need to recognize our feelings as valid or we will stuff them down and try to ‘cope’ them away - for as long as possible.

This i agree with. I put feelings away for ages and learned to distrust them. I think that brought me in bad situations and made me psychotic.

Actually repressing emotions also made them come out in bad ways and inconvenient moments. Which made others feel unloved too.

Ive been a bit of a hypocrite.

Im in the process of beating myself up for past mistakes at the moment. It feels horrible, but facing my own stupidities and feelings of guilt/shame is perhaps also necessary to be a nicer person…if i dont get stuck in them. Wallowing in selfhatred does nothing to be kinder, i guess…it makes me self-absorbed.

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That was what happened one of the 3 times i bugged on my bf. I hate the person i am for that and i still apologize to him even though it’s been months.

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