Has anyone ever helped place a loved one in a 55+ community?

So, my parents need to move. Their house is too much for them and I can’t be responsible for cleaning the whole house.

They’ve been ‘looking around’ since I started looking at other housing. But I feel they’re totally playing my bluff.

I say I don’t want to move, and they stop ‘looking around’.

So I called a-place-for-mom today which is a service where they will help you find appropriate senior living for a loved one. I found a nice place nearby that they better go check out or I don’t know what I’ll do.

It’s actually really hard. I was almost in tears making the call. It’s almost like the first step in me caring for my caregiver.

Thanks for reading.

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I used to write for A place for mom!

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That must be so tough on you. We’re your parents receptive to it when you spoke to them about it?

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Thanks. I talked to my mom about it. She seemed interested. I just brought it up so I’m not sure my dad has had a chance to check it out yet.

Moving is tough at any age I guess, but something about being old makes it a lot harder I’m finding out.

If they knew I was on the phone with a place for mom they would have gotten so pissed. They don’t want to admit that they need help. They want to do it on their own I’m sure, but the reality is that it’s too much for them.

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Are they wealthy @anon99082702?
Because living in assisted living or nursing homes can be very expensive without Medicaid.

Senior communities are less expensive but not by much.


I live in a place for over 55 oaps am only 31 youngest here its not so bad better than my old place

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It’s a hard conversation to have for sure. I’ve talked to my mom about it before she needs the care so I know what she wants in her future. I imagine the conversation is that much more difficult when the time is now

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Its alot less expensive to hire a maid or a home health aide. Where are you going to live Mike?


Just wanna add here. Those places will take everything your parents own. They could die penniless. Leaving you with nothing to inherit.


@wave. They make a bunch in pensions/etc. plus they have a ■■■■ load invested.

@ZmaGal OMG it’s way harder than I thought it would be. Making the call I felt so adult having to help them with something that 6 months ago they could have done themselves. People don’t want to move when they get old for whatever reason. They put it off and leave some/all of the responsibilities up to someone else(depending on how long they wait). I felt like being the caregiver.

@anon12381882 in their mind it would be a waste of money to hire a cleaning woman and get a service to help with law care and landscaping. And it’s difficult to contract someone around here to shovel a driveway. I’m going to be living out in the boonies in northern IL or somewhere in WI. I have some money saved up/inherited and I can take out a mortgage on a small house.

Thanks for the concern everyone! Makes me feel better about this tough time.


Also I should add there’s a 6 year age gap between my parents. Mom is 73 and Dad is 79. They said an age gap is important when you get old, like it would be when your younger. My dad requires more care.

Also My dad almost got broadsided by another car a week ago because he ‘can’t see for beans’ as my mother puts it. But he doesn’t have to pass a DMV test for like 3 years. Actually I have a HUGE problem with this for obvious reasons… but old people feel entitled to drive. My grandfather drove until he was 96 years old and almost got t-boned by a cop.

Think of how bad I’d feel if they got in a Car accident and people got hurt. They won’t listen to me but I bet they would listen to their other 5 kids. Perhaps I should let my sister in on more than I have been…

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