I guess I’m writing this because I need reassurance, but a little over a month ago in a drunken depressive rage I attempted to kill myself and I think I failed. But lately I get this overwhelming feeling that I did not fail and I’m stuck in this post death dream state searching for some purpose to why I’m stuck here. Or that I’m in a coma perceiving everything around me and manifesting this dream world that I’m in right now. And I feel like I can’t properly address this with anyone because they are all just figments of my subconscious.
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It sounds like something you need to talk to with your psychiatrist
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I think you should get on meds. That way you can calm down, sleep and youll be able to rethink these things in a calmer frame of mind. That way youll be able to see things as they are.
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I also experienced something similar. I felt like I was in the afterworld and the living world was sending me messages via the TV. That was during my first episode.
You need antipsychotics, definitely. And counseling too.
Being suicidal sucks. Don’t give up on life!
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Welcome to the forum @Sav! Hope you find it helpful. As to your delusion, I have experienced something similar. Sometimes I think I’m in a coma somewhere and I’m dreaming all of this. But with the medication I’m able to not think about it so much. Do you take medication.
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I think you need to be on med’s. Such flights of imagination can take you to bad places.
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I use the twelve steps to control my drinking and drug problem. I take psychiatric medicine because I have to. I would like to avoid both these things but that’s the way it has gone with me. I am semi suicidal and have been for many many years. If I lose my home maybe it would be better to call it quits. I’m physically out of shape and I need privacy and rest. I would rather be able to live in a shelter if it came to that. I stay out of trouble in my building and I need to clean but hurt my arm carrying groceries home from the store. But it’s no big deal. I live across the hall from the laundry room and the door slamming shut bothered me for years but I no longer care. I’m not sensitive to sounds anymore, which is a symptom of schizophrenia. Relate to any of this? I’m just rambling, unable to sleep.
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You give yourself too much credit. You are alive in a world that is separate and is, at best, neutral to you.
I am familiar with the feeling of being unable to control my life. I am also failed to hang myself once. I was already losing consciousness when the bar that I hang from bent. I didn’t try again. Instead, it was the last proof I needed that I am not depressed enough for suicide.
I suggest you try to find comfort in the simple things that you have control over. Try mastering cooking or baking. Maybe you will feel enough satisfaction from your work then to not think about suicide anymore.
Also, quit drinking. I am a recovering alcoholic too. It’s possible to quit.
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Welcome to the forum. You still got a hang over from the alcohol. Drink lots of water 2 liters a day. It will pass. You still got your things together it seems. When you are sz i trust you got a doctor and take antipsychotics.
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Alcohol is my kriptonite. I can’t drink one drop of it. I go straight to pshycosis. Regarding suicidal thoughts I recommend to keep a steady intake of prescribed meds. Never leave your meds. The more you fall the longer it takes to get up again. Falling is fast. Getting up, not so much.
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I have had the same thoughts before. I used to use a lot of cough medicine and I almost overdosed a couple times. I wonder sometimes if I died, but I honestly don’t think too much about it anymore.
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