I spent ~6 months believing that I had died and gone to hell. Some days I’ll still briefly wonder if I’m gonna wake up in that hospital bed, but it doesn’t grip me like it used to anymore. Has anyone else been through this delusion? It’s got a disorder of its own, no less.
hi lexicon, my first psychotic episode was when I was 16 (now 37) I was on an LSD trip. I started hallucinating really badly, trees were people buried upside down, shadowy demons surrounded me, leaves in the garden mulch were all worms wriggling. I went to lay down in my bed, and things started crawling into and through my body, I could see my thoughts being projected everywhere. I eventually had to give up and I let go. I felt like I petrified, like the things crawling in me filled me up and went solid, then I felt something click in the middle of my brain. I think this is when I died. the next thing I remember is being out of my body floating towards a white light, like a star. I was at peace and no longer freaking out. I felt enlightened. I’m not sure if I actually reached the light/star, as the next thing I remember is lying back in my bed again.
sometimes I’m not sure if I died and moved on to a different place, sometimes when things are bad I think I’m in hell paying for my sins. other times when things are good I think I’m in heaven. sometimes I think god sent me back as no one resuscitated me, or maybe it was brain death and I came back because my body was physically ok. though the hardest thing to consider is that it was all in my head and I just passed out, as people have suggested. 21 years later I’m still not sure what happened that night.
I’m really glad you shared your story, because I’ve never heard anything like it. That sounds utterly horrific. I tried LSD, only once, and it’s very likely that I never will again. It wasn’t a bad experience (maybe I should be grateful for that), just not for someone like me.
thanks, yeah it was, I hope it doesn’t freak anyone out. I did too much acid, but up until then it was all good experiences. after that I did trip a few times but was all freaky, but nothing like that, so I stopped. about ten years later after being on meds for about 7-8 years I had another trip on my birthday, but it was an awesome experience, but haven’t done it since. I’m doing quite well now. but yeah schizophrenic.
My first trip was one of the best nights of my life, up until that point at least.
When I was first hospitalised, I was convinced that I had died and was in some afterlife recovery area. This feeling lasted a few weeks at least.
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Very similar to my experience.
EMTs: "Do you know what’s happening?"
Me, a very freaked out atheist: “…the rapture?” (I was dead serious, pun not intended)
And then I started arguing with the one EMT (who I thought was both the devil and someone who I was formerly very in love with simultaneously) about my free will in the ambulance, because I thought he was trying to take me to hell somehow. May as well have been, after how they treated me at the hospital.
Yeah it was pretty bad
And talking about it kind of triggered me, of course. |:
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After my suicide attempt, I was sure I actually did die. It lasted years, eventually turned into the belief on reincarnation and went away.
I wholeheartedly believe in reincarnation for 99.99% of us.
The other .01% gets to go elsewhere imo.
I don’t know, I don’t believe in anything that I’m not sure of 
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I did think for a while that maybe I got reincarnated, but from the same point I left. like moving on, having to learn from my past mistakes. so paying for my sins from that point. but have moved away from that thought since turning to Christianity. been studying the bible since the end of 2015. which has different views on what happens when you die.
This delusion hasn’t bothered me in over a year, and yet I woke up today worrying that I really had somehow died. Sometimes it’s like I can’t even talk about my struggles with mental illness without getting triggered. Very frustrating.
I don’t have a delusion that I’m dead but I think I have one that I can’t die because I just have a feeling that I can’t die and it makes me want to commit suicide to see if I’ll actually die. I think it’s because of my simulation delusion which I’m not going to get too into because I know it triggers you but I feel like the only way for the simulation to end is for them to end it so I feel like i can’t die unless they make me.
Cotard’s Delusion, maybe?
That’s what it’s called, yes.
Damn that sounds rough. I have never had that precisely. Thought I was the reincarnation of hitler and I was in hell. But since have made peace with my Jewish father. I thought he purposely raised me wrong to torture me. That night my sister cheered me up with some lava cake and I said “this can’t be hell”. I guess I’m lucky to have a supportive family. But I always thought iwas in the real world. Just a reincarnation of hitler
I thought you had the Jesus thing though?
Jesus, hitler, satan, an alien in a robot society, the president…I’ve had lots of identity delusions
Jesus was the most persisting though.
Had that too. Thought I was dead for some time.
It is supposed to be quite rare to have that delusion. I wrote a post about it not too long ago. It’s called Cotard’s Delusion?
Yep, the Jesus delusion.
Jesus thought he was dead for “three days and three nights” before he finally came to his senses.
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