I’m struggling with a lot of rude hallucinations right now. Just got done folding and putting away clothes; I even spruced up mine and bf’s room some.
Even when I do my best to be “normal” and productive, there’s no peace. Near-constant belittling–if not over me failing to be an adult properly, then over minor ■■■■ that would be ignored if anyone else did it or that hurts no one. Especially ■■■■ about my lifelong balance issues or muscle control issues that lead to me banging into/banging things around.
I swear, some of it is real–the sound quality seems too perfect to be hallucination… But because I’m a schizophrenic who hallucinates ■■■■ talk or criticisms, I am terrified to call my bf and others around us out on any hateful behavior.
I’ve tried that as well as asking for clarification vs what I thought I heard. He gets irritated about it, and it can be confusing when the correction sounds completely different–like a different length of phrases or vowels (which I don’t mix up usually) or completely different words entirely. I can never tell if he’s covering for himself or if my hallucinations seriously bastardize what was actually said to a point of going beyond mishearing and misinterpretation.
He says nobody talks about me ever, but I’ve got a hard time believing it when I swear it’ll happen right in front of my face.
I Really understand the very hyper realistic sound quality
If it is any help, I read that the schizophrenic mind works so much faster that our reaction to hearing an actual real voice is so fast that we mistake it for happening before the stimulus
That is really like sticking the knife in for a symptom
Fascinating. I actually experience a phantom voice prior to the hyperrealistic one when I hear hyperrealistic ones, as though the first voice was psychically telling me what was going to be said by someone about me. It’s like I hear everything twice.
As a result of hearing loss, I hear completely wrong sentences innocuously at times when genuinely spoken to, though usually it sounds like gibberish, especially if overlaid with ambient noise or I’m distracted for literally seconds.
It often feels damaging for me. I second guess myself often and unnecessarily. I apologize for doing nothing wrong. I make extra mistakes because the voices make me paranoid and upset that I’m not pleasing everyone, since it gives me performance anxiety.