I had a mini episode last week. I had to take a day away from college because I was paranoid and hearing voices. The next Monday (last) I was still hearing things and feeling threatened. It’s gotten better, but the sense of dread isn’t going away.
Dread is the right word, here. I am absolutely convinced something awful and catastrophic is going to happen. I mean, I know “rationally” nothing will probably happen. But that conviction is still there. Really hard to explain. SZA is like an emotion for me. I feel different when I’m symptomatic.
I’ve got all this studying to do. Tests to take. I’m really behind on just about everything. My lab partner “divorced” me. I can’t concentrate on my reading because I’ve got people in my head telling me things I don’t want to hear. I don’t know if it’s even worth trying anymore.
Everyday you make it… is a day closer to being done. Of course you should pay attention to the symptoms and if it’s too stressful back off and get help and decompress. Don’t sink your health for a class.
As far as the catastrophic thinking, I sometimes manage to combat that by listing everything that has gone right and how I’ll be in a space I know and if things go a bit wrong, how to work around them.
If I’m feeling a big catastrophe coming on, I just have to face that fear down and tell myself I can help if it happens. But it hasn’t happened yet.
Good luck and I hope you feel better and catch up very soon.
Dear Absalom, I had exactly those feelings!
Have you told your school about your illness? I would not tell a boss as I’ve explained before, but schools and instructors can give you more time for tests or let you hand in work later so you don’t feel so stressed. and its the stress that causes the symptoms.
Luckily work can be Less stressful than school, so if you can pass the trial by fire, it will get easier later. I used to think God was punishing me in school for some reason and that I was going to be judged or something and that’s what caused the dread catastrophic feelings. Ask your doc about taking more meds temporarily maybe when you are stressed and then you can go back to normal.
Just hang in there and take care of yourself and it will get easier later after the trials of school.
I also wanted to add… I do know not everyone is comfortable with this idea… but for me…
I went to the student’s with disabilities office and during a slow moment told them a bit about my diagnosis. So I won’t get docked if I can’t make it to class all the time, I do get some help with tutors and notes. I am allowed to take test in a quiet room before or after the others in the class.
so far I’m impressed with the fact that they said they were going to be confidential and so far I feel they have been.
I did the same thing as J. I went to Student Services and spoke with the Dean. She’s a social worker. I filled out some paperwork, had my pdoc fill out some dx stuff. Now I get extra time on tests and a quiet place to take them. The instructors know that I have a disability but not what it is, so its confidential.
Thanks @SurprisedJ. I did go to disability services before the semester started, so the instructor knows that I may need some days off. They didn’t tell him my diagnosis, thankfully. But I worry that he might think I’m weak for needing all this “special attention.”
I just want to make it on my own. But the stress of class does aggravate my symptoms. It’s really hard to want to persevere. I know that I want to get this degree because it means a better job and getting off disability someday.
Thanks everyone for your kind words.
@Absalom, You can make it. My son has been in college for a while now and he is not far from graduating. He went to disability office and there is a counselor who helps him every semester to fill up forms for every class. Though my son takes tests with everyone and has full attendance, he sits in the back of the class. He doesn’t do class participation because he has anxiety after he got ill. Would you be able to make an appointment and see your psychiatrist and tell him that you feel threatened and you feel that something catastrophic is going to happen? May be he can work with you to ease your fears? Good luck! Hang in there.
You’re stronger than me, brother. I was going to school for JUST graphic arts and Mohammed Ali wouldn’t stop beating me or leaving me alone…he would scream in my ears (I AM MOHAMMED!!!).
I had a learning assistant that (divorced me also), I needed his help and it felt like he threw me under the bus.
What you’re doing may be the hardest thing in your life…you are NOT WEAK. You are a very resilient person, and I admire your hard work!
Thanks, man. That must have been a bad experience for you. Thanks for sharing.
I flat out told my Theater teacher last semester. I figured he was an artist, so he’d be more open minded. I really would hit this problem head on and tell your professors. At least tell the one’s you’ll think will be okay with it. I hope things get better for you. I’d have my parents come and speak with them with me if I had an episode. Psychologically, people are more likely to be compassionate if they put a name to a face, so try to explain if you can.
Yeah yeah I agree totally I had LD preference and a student assistant. If it really gets bad I’d totally go and setup specialized schooling. Good morning man I hope you have a great day at school!