God left me

Unusual Beliefs
1

Hey guys I really need help. If your reading this please respond for I am getting a lot of suicidal thoughts and feelings.

About three weeks ago I fell short and sinned sexually. I had a massage lady rub my genitals but that's all I did. For when I was younger in the military I use to get a lot of happy ending massages but I ended up quitting that. But ended up there the passed couple of yrs. because of extreme anxiety symptoms from my schizophrenia. Most of my attention was to get a massage to try and start a new life ( Schizophrenia symptoms) but it never worked out. My last encounter after I have finished I felt or received a thought that God had left me.  I know it's a delusion because I received/believed before God had left me in more extreme scenarios but overall this is the worst. Even though I don't believe this, I still receive the emotion and thoughts as if it's true. It's like my schizophrenia is causing me to believe in a lie. I tried everything, prayer, repentance, holy communion, confession, incense/ I even tried to go along with it as if  God had  left me so hopefully I can get over it and cope, but that didn't work out neither. I ended up taking my medication because this happened when I was off of of it for at least a month. This is my 6th day on it and  it gotten a little bit better but I still cant stand the symptoms. I realized on or off the the medication I cant stop thinking / get repetitive thoughts and continual keep on thinking about the same thing which doesn't help. I keep telling myself and reading the word and hearing from other people that this isn't true, even God spoke to me, and I still cant shake this delusion. Has anyone gotten this delusion before? and if so,, how long did it last? and does anyone have any advice?

P.s when I ignore the thoughts, something else takes that place. For I realize when I wake up in the morning or when I am still, I can feel the symptoms of my schizophrenia.

2

Please dont think about suicide. Thats a permenate solution to a short term problem.

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God is always with you

4

Obsessive thoughts are, unfortunately, a nasty product of this disease. Keep reminding yourself that God is with you whenever an obsessive thought pops in your head.

5

Do not commit suicide because of a massage. The truth is that while some guys might think what you did was OK, it’s frowned upon by many other people. Everybody knows that goes on, it’s not a secret. If you don’t like the consequences of “erotic massages” then don’t do it anymore. Simple. You have free will. No one is forcing you to go to those places. In my drug days I went to a couple and I know what people think of those places. Maybe when you were in the army those places were appropriate to go with your buddies. But here in my neck of the woods I would be ashamed to tell my sisters I went to one of those places. To me, it’s not a sin. Sinning has nothing to do with it.It’s simply embarrassing. And when you tell ANY guy that you payed for sex I guarantee they are looking down on you and thinking, “Ha! I’m better than him! He has to pay for sex because he can’t get it for free”.
But you are OK. Maybe in your area it’s not as bad to do that as where I live. You’re very religious. Sometimes it’s a good thing. Sometimes it’s a bad thing. But anyway, don’t do stuff that makes you feel bad in your religion. It’s under your control.

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