So, I visited this friend of mine today. She kind of asks me over and over to do something. I don’t like leaving the house much but I finally agreed to meet her at her apartment today. Anyway, we talked for about an hour and a half.
Later on this evening I got a phone call from her that woke me up. She hesitated to tell me what she called to tell me because she woke me up but I urged to go ahead and tell me what she called for. Finally she said “I love you”. I said, well I love you too. She said “No not like like. Not like a friend” Anyway I told her I wasn’t interested in that. And she asked if I was interested in that from anybody, and I said no, I’m not really interested in that kind of relationship with anybody. So, she said she would quit talking to this other guy she is talking with if I changed my mind. And she asked if I would consider her if I ever wanted that kind of relationship and I said sure. She said we will be friends forever regardless.
Anyway, that was the core of the conversation. What do you think I should do? I really have no interest in a romantic relationship with her but I have a sneaking suspicion that this is not over and she will ask me again. Should I just keep turning her down? I don’t want to end the friendship over this but I don’t want to give her any illusions either.
I don’t generally share anything this personal but I felt like I should get some opinions on it.
I think it’s too much too fast. I’d give her a chance to just be friends, but because you were clear on your preference she should respect that and if she doesn’t, That’s not respecting your boundaries and so if she does it again, I’d end the friendship
Opportunities like this are rare for schizophrenics but its your choice afterall. The daughter of my parents friends also kept asking me to do stuff for her until one day she asked me to come have a coffee at her place. I didn’t reply. She didn’t ask again last time she came with her parents to eat at our place. I don’t know if I should date with this sz and without work staying in bed most of the time etc I can’t manage a house honestly, I never did in my life.
Honestly I don’t even feel good myself so why date. I want to improve myself before dating like working, losing weight by going to the gym etc
This isn’t the first time she’s approached you is it? You’ve brought this woman up once before. I know friends can be hard to come by but how good of friends can you really be knowing that she wants you?
Maybe I should just not meet up with her anymore? This seems to be the trigger for this. When I just talk to her on the phone, which is what I usually do once a week, she never brings this up. It’s only after I talked to her in person that seemed to bring this on.
If she’s your friend she will respect your boundaries and move on while still being your friend.
When friends have crushed on me, I’ve kept them at arm’s length for a while so they won’t get confused.
It breaks my trust that a friend considers my (and their) actions to have more than friendly intentions.
For the same reason, I rarely ever tell people when I like them “that” way.
This is a large part of the reason why I don’t date, either. I want to be in a good place, before I consider dating. I feel like it would be unfair to both myself and the other person, otherwise.
To help yourself, try to see from her perspective. For example, I have fallen for friends, back before I found my husband. I fell for friends, hard. I got big crushes on them. I once even thought I was in love with one of my friends. But once I revealed my feelings to that friend, they stopped talking to me! But that’s a good thing, honestly… because it wasn’t meant to be.
I wish they would’ve started talking to me again, and we could start as just friends again, but that didn’t happen.
My advice to you is: Keep your distance for a while. Just say you need some time apart. And then once she clears her head and gets interested in someone else, you can resume your friendship.
Does that sound like a good plan? I’m speaking from my personal experience of being on her side of the situation.
I know you don’t want to hurt her feelings, but do you think you sent a mixed message considering what you said prior? Maybe you should have stayed consistent and told her only as a friend.
I’ve been in love with a friend before. It was pretty painful for like 90% of our friendship. I wasn’t able to actually move on until after we stopped talking altogether. I saw them once at a mutual friend’s wedding 3 years ago, and all the feelings rushed back. I would never be able to be just friends with them. I know not everyone is like this, but that was what I needed at the time.
In contrast, I have had crushes on people I was freinds with, and those faded over time. I was left with a solid friendship.
I guess, in my particular experience, it depends on how strong my feelings are.
