Do you have any sort of delusions that follow you here?
For me, I have a few.
If I click a thread about someone having the flu, I’ll catch it.
I think everything I type the mods can see, even before I post it.
In general I worry that the mods can see whatever I’m doing on here as I’m doing it so sometimes I won’t click through dead threads/ search topics out. (It’s dumb I know)
I also have a need to prove myself to a lot of users on this forum. Especially the ones who seem indifferent to me (it’s not that they aren’t nice but I feel like I somehow need to make them like me)
Sometimes I think something someone wrote is directed at me or about me.
I also worry that mods can see my browser history (highly doubt it but still get paranoid)
I feel very validated by likes. I try not to make it such a big deal but notifications really get me excited on here. If I post a lot and nobody likes or responds I tend to feel hurt. And if someone’s comment that’s similar to mine gets a lot of likes and mine gets none I think people must hate me.
I also feel sometimes untrusted as a new user, or that my psychosis isn’t as severe as others because I don’t hear typical voices.
I know that all of this is dumb nonsense, sometimes though it’s hard not to think like this.
I can’t think of anything else at this time.
Do you have any delusions/paranoia involving this forum?
Well, not so much this forum, but reddit. I became obsessed with the idea that my pdoc is following me, ridiculing me.
I ended up deleting my account.
I still think she can read my thoughts and spy on me from the sky.
Well, I kind of do have some forum based paranoia.
If I post something and nobody responds to it, but responds to the posts before and after, I start to wonder if it’s because I’m boring, or people hate me, or maybe I didn’t time it right.
If I edit something, I worry that people will see that I editted it, and think that I did it to make myself look cooler.
If someone likes my post, I immediately check to see if it’s because because they liked everyone’s posts or if it’s because they agree with mine. If they liked it as well as everyone else’s, I get paranoid that they did it so I wouldn’t feel left out, and I get angry at the same time because I use likes to gauge whether or not people are agreeing with me or finding what I wrote interesting.
I’ve had a few times when I’ve logged on where I thought everything was directed at me. I got really paranoid that this was all some kind of set-up. I thought everyone knew about me and they were all in agreement to fool me. I don’t know why, I guess it’s just the nature of sza. I’m like you, I could logic out that it’s not true but still couldn’t shake the feelings. I guess we just have to reassure ourselves that no one is out to trick us or harm us. As far as getting likes and notifications, I think we all like to get those. It makes us feel welcome and a part of the community.
Tbh I’m scared the mods are watching me and are just waiting for me to mess up so they can ban me because they think I’m horrible and annoying. Especially since our first introduction wasn’t the best.
And I’m also convinced I’m the reason the forum went down the other day. So im sorry y’all.
If it makes you feel better @Noise it wasn’t just this forum that was down, it was all of the forums that used discourse. So chances are none of us were involved in the crashing of other forums like the weed growing community and whatnot.
Then I decided to fight about it with the mod through a string of pretty heated emails.
My beginnings weren’t the best here either, but I assure you, the mods are people like us that enjoy the forum and respect our illness, because they’ve got it too.
I also think this! Usually I just edit it because of a spelling error or there’s a better way of saying what I wrote, but I worry that people will think I edited it to hide insults or something. Weird thinking, I know.
Sometimes I’ll start getting all conspiracy-y and assume there’s some plot to get rid of me and that’s why I never get many responses to my threads or posts, but that doesn’t usually last long. I’m just not a people person, so it’s not really surprising people don’t care.
I have left the forum (and all internet stuff) in the past cause of being paranoid. Even a couple of my computers have met their end. Very costly
I know how you feel
I changed my user name a while back, because my old user name included my real first name, and it was making me paranoid having people on here know that about me.
At one point, early on, I thought a member (who no longer posts here) was actually my ex-gf, spying on me.
I’ve also had thoughts about what if when I go back to teaching one of my students on the first day will recognize me from here and say something like, “freakonaleash, it’s you!” I would be mortified if that happened, though I realize it is extremely unlikely so I post selfies on here anyway.
Thankfullly no delusions but I get idea of reference when I’m getting paranoid. Like why are you posting that and saying this…sometimes I have to take a step back and just have a time out. All the topics are related to me and it’s usually easy to spot…I’m not that important that the ASIO need to follow me!
Sometimes wondering if certain posts are directed at me.
Even if this post is an attempt to find my weakness. But I’m answering anyway because I fight.
The polls are set up in advance by a few people and they wait for me to go on and click my answer so they can see what I clicked. And then talk about me behind my back and spread rumours.
Those sorts of things and a couple mentioned above.
The whole crashing forum thing yesterday freaked me out. Then I realised what had gone on. I totally thought that was directed at me. I’m ok with it now.
Glad to see I’m not alone in this. But sorry to see others go through it too. It’s not nice.
For a while I was too. Then I decided to sign out and try and creep my profile on here, and I couldn’t find a thing. (Other then my comments on threads, and even then I couldn’t see my information/stats page)
So the only way for someone to know who I am is to sign up for this, and it just seems like so much work that I highly doubt anyone searching for me would look here.
I however don’t like how I get more likes on my selfies then any of the advice I try and give others. If I continue to post them, my top liked posts will all be pictures of me, not anything I said that reflects my intelligence. And then again I will just be known a pretty face to everyone instead of also being smart or strong or whatever else I am.
(Maybe this sounds selfish, I’m not complaining about getting likes on a selfie. It’s just dull since I’ve always known I’m pretty. What I really need validation with is my intellect, or courage.)
I wouldn’t necessarily call these delusions. As applied to forums in general, not just here.
Feeling I don’t belong. That I’m not genuinely ill like everyone else.
When posts don’t turn up-that someone’s deliberately blocking my posts.
Thinking people are not who they claim to be/posting false information (not so bad here but was a regular thought on another forum)
