Grief really sucks

My dad died thirteen years ago today. Freaking sucks. I don’t want to be alone, but all my family and friends are busy. Starlet is home, but I can’t really go to my own child for comfort. So I’m turning here instead. I really miss my dad every day, but especially today. People think I should be over it by now. I have no idea why. I will never be “over it” entirely.

He was my best friend in the world and the only person I could count on as a kid. I try to carry on his legacy, and be the kind of parent he was to my own kid. I have no idea how successful I am at that. My kid actually talks to me though, when something is wrong. He is open and shares about his day, which I’m led to believe is rare for teenagers. So I feel like I at least got that right.

I wish he could have met my kid. I wish I could go to him for advice in parenting. I don’t really have anyone who can help me anymore with that. I’m just out here figuring things out by trial and error. Mr. Star and I just throw parenting techniques at the wall and see what sticks.

To anyone contemplating suicide, please don’t. You think your loved ones would move on and forget you. But they won’t. Not ever. They will always have to carry around the pain of losing you, no matter where they are. You can get used to the pain, but it never stops. You just have to figure out what kind of life you have left once they’re gone.

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I’m so sorry Ninja. I’d give you a big hug if I could and you let me.

I’m sure your dad would be very proud of you if he could see you now.

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It sounds like you were really close to your dad. It makes sense that you’re still missing him a lot. That’s normal! I hope you find some comfort here in the forum. A lot of people care about you.

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oh I am so sorry @ninjastar it’s very true what you say about taking your life…my ex fiancee took her life two years ago in November. It still hurts a bunch…you are an excellent example of a parent if I ever heard…especially the loss of other children you took care of…you are a hero to me…honestly.

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I’m sorry, Ninja. Losing someone you love is never easy. One of my favorite quotes is “grief is just love with no place to go.” And since you’ll never stop loving him, it only stands to reason that the grief will always be there in some form.

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I lost my son to suicide nine years ago. I miss him very much. My only solace is knowing he’s in a better place now than he was when he was here. And he’s no longer suffering.

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Thank you. 15151515

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Thanks everyone. I’m sorry so many of you can relate. I’m debating taking my PRN for anxiety. I haven’t had it since becoming a parent, because it makes me a bit foggy brained. But tonight might be the night for it.

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llama support

My condolences for your loss.

I hope he found peace.

But more importantly I wish peace on you Ninja dude. Take solace in the time you spent, but please don’t ruminate on lamentations.

Mods need to vent sometimes too, you’ve got a llama with two pert ears if you ever need one.

To be honest, I think this might be the perfect time to talk to starlet. Show him you trust him to see your “harder” emotions. Talk to him about how you lost your dad. What that did to you. Why you’re grieving today. And why people need to talk to someone they trust when those feelings and thoughts happen.

If I was a foster kid, I think I’d want to know about my parents parents, good and the bad. If you as a parent can spin it into a positive lesson, all the better.

Another good topic would be what he instilled in you, and what you hope to instill in starlet

But that’s a llamas take, I don’t know the whole story.

:llama: :peace_symbol:

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I’m so sorry. That’s such a huge loss. I don’t ever expect you to be over it. Treat yourself to something that makes you feel good until you can have people who care around.

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I’m sorry to hear you’re having a tough time.

My best friend took his life and I find myself angry at him these days.

Take care @ninjastar.

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I lost 2 people who were my closest friends, my ex gf who i was with for 15yrs and my dad, both of these were avoidable i’d say, if my dad had not drank too much and if he cut down then he may have been ok, and my friend could have got treatment for her cancer sooner and could have beaten it.

But what can i do? i just got to keep going until its my turn, life is very fickle that way :frowning: and btw i dont determine my own fate. suicide is a horrible thing :frowning: its the worst thing anyone can do, dont do it.

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I’m sorry you’re suffering, @ninjastar.

(((HUGS)))

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I’m so sorry @ninjastar. That’s really rough. I hope you can take care of yourself and find some peace.

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Very sorry for your loss, @ninjastar-- hoping you find comfort during this time :purple_heart:

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I’m sorry, @ninjastar. i understand. Lost the woman who raised me in 1996 and then my mom in 2010. It’s a never-ending prpject, grieving.

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I’m sorry @ninjastar.
I’m still grieving over my Moms passing.
I will always miss her.

Please hang in there.

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I’m so sorry you’re hurting. You are so wonderful. I don’t know what I would ever do without you. I’m sorry for the pain this has brought you. It makes me think twice about the choices I’ve made in the past and it will effect my choices in the future. I would never want to leave my kids with such pain for so long. The consequence of ending my pain is just to pass it on to them, I see that now. And I love you for this. I hope you feel better knowing you will never hurt your child the way you’ve been hurt.

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I’m sorry about your dad @ninjastar. I’ve been so fortunate to have a good dad and to have him in my life still. My life would’ve been much worse without him. I get sad knowing he’ll die someday. It makes me want to make the most of my time left with him.

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Thanks everyone. I’m going to share a classic story about my dad. TW explosives. He used to take us down into the abandoned rock quarry behind our neighborhood to light off fireworks, and make hot dogs that we would cook on a makeshift grill we made out of an old coffee can. We cut a hole in the top of the can, then punctured several homes in the bottom, then flipped it upside down. We would light a fire under the can and then set the hot dogs along the bottom, which was now the top. The hot dogs always came out tasting mostly like smoke, but we would eat them because we were real pioneer kids!

Anyways, one day, my dad thought it would be cool to stick an M80 inside our coffee can grill to see what would happen. He had us kids wait behind a sand dune and then he ran out, lit the fuse, and ran back behind the sand dune. Well the explosion goes off, and bits of coffee can came shooting in every direction! They were going fast enough to shoot straight through the sand dune and out the other side. One piece flew right by my head! We hit the ground and covered out heads and waited fo the shrapnel to stop flying. Dad checked that everyone was safe, then look very seriously at every one of us and said “if your mother asks, we came down, we had lunch, and we came back. We did not cause any explosions and nobody almost died. Deal?” Of course we agreed, because it was the awesomest thing we had ever seen, and we wanted to be allowed to do it again!

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