Foisting his problems on me when I'm in the right

My roommate will not clean up after himself.He just doesn’t care. I moved in thinking I will fix the apartment up with a few essentials that he did not have or could afford. I mean real basic stuff. so I bought salt and pepper shakers. I bought a sugar shaker too. I bought a really nice, two tier, compact dish drainer that takes up less space and opens counter space.

My step-mom gave me a set of knives for the house and a blender. I bought wastebaskets for the kitchen, living room, bathroom and he has little money so I gave him a wastebasket for his room. You think he would be grateful and motivated to make this place livable and clean and neat so we can live like respectable humans unlike my last living situation. I thought he would be grateful to get someone like me who is clean and neat.

To be fair, I don’t often verbalize that he needs to clean but it’s rather obvious to wipe the grimy stove top and counters after using them without me telling him. He has a mental illness bit it’s not schizophrenia.

He leaves food out and our kitchen table often has his junk on it even though it’s very small. And this is the tip of the iceberg. When I moved in I wanted to always be on top of things when things need cleaning. But I didn’t want to stress him or bug him at first so when he leaves his jacket and gloves laying on the couch all the time I let it go. When he leaves a mess of papers and crap on the nice desk in the living room I let that go too.

But he will literally not take initiative to do one ounce or modicum of any of the chores that need to be done without being asked. The week I moved in he told me, “I’m messy” and kind of chuckled and I thought that doesn’t sound too terrible by the way he said it. I pictured leaving a spoon out on the counter occasionally or a few crumbs on the kitchen table. But it’s lot worse.

Apparently, he thinks by announcing he’s messy translates in some weird way to allow him to make messes and not do any cleaning.

It’s starting to depress me to walk in a messy kitchen each day. I’ve talked to him about this and he will wipe the counters for one day of the week and the other six days he leaves crap out. Damn idiot. He doesn’t work which I don’t blame him for but to me it means he has plenty of time to clean up after himself. I’m gone all day at work so he has eight hours with no distractions to spend 15 minutes to straighten his stuff up. I’ll ask him and remind him more even though he should be doing this without prompting.


Do you both have the money to hire a cleaner for once a week? Sometimes they can be expensive though. And it probably means your place is only cleaned one day a week.

Sorry you have to put up with that.


I told my sisters after I moved in, this place is easy to keep clean. It’s not big, it’s sparsely furnished, nothing fancy, bathrooms pretty basic. There’s only two people here, no animals or kids. It takes little time to clean, he’s just lazy and wants a free ride. A counselor visits once a month, she says she’ll talk to him if I want. She’s a backup plan. But a cleaning lady would be a luxury.


That sucks @77nick77. Or should i say your roommate sucks.
Every rental situation I’ve ever been in has involved shitty roommates. For all sorts of different reasons.
For the last 6 or so years its just been my girlfriend and I. Even when we lived in a crappy apartment with all sorts of issues, it was better than when I lived at places and when my girlfriends house had a revolving door thing with all the riff-raff that comes with renting rooms in a large house.
is it possible to get on a waiting list for a studio or one-bedroom at a low-income apartment? Not section 8 necessarily, but maybe just a place you can afford to live alone in? Or even a bigger apartment or house, where you could choose you else lives there?
Finding a place in a retirement park or apartment might be an option too. I really like living in our retirement park. Nice and quiet, nobody bothers us at all. Although I couldn’t live here on my own, the second person living here only has to be 45 or above.

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My SO is the same way. I think its how he was raised, so he continues on like that. No initiative either.

I’ve found its better to not let it fester… have a straight talk with him without distractions.

Maybe make a chores deal/chart/list or something. He does a few things that have been bothering you and you do the things he doesn’t like to do?

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Good luck getting thebslob to pick up after himself if he doesn’t want to, some people are just pigs and don’t care-and never will.
I was married to a slob (as in he refused to pick up anything or clean). if he ever put his glass from dinner in the sink when done I probably would have died of shock.
I cleaned once a week, and that’s all I would do since he did nothing else anyway,sometimes it’s easier to lower your standards that get high blood pressure.

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I only lived with roommates once- if you don’t count my now husband living with me- and those three roommates were ■■■■■■■ slobs I hated it. They’d leave food in pots right on the element after dishing some on their plate. Wet towels on the floor or laundry in the bathroom. I can’t have roommates.

But I suppose now I kind of still have three roommates in the form of husband and children. They’re all savages too. I can’t keep up. And it’s a bugger when I become low energy sometimes laundry and dishes don’t get done for a day or two. It makes me very uncomfortable.

I should clean now. Ugh. I shall return internet.


Savages, lol… I love it!

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I don’t know what his diagnosis is, but I had a bipolar gf once who was terribly “messy”. She literally lived like a pig. She was so messy that it was hard to get around in her apartment. The severe depression that they get makes it very hard for them to do any housework.

I’ve seen some really messy people at the assisted living center where I live. I’m no neat freak myself. Maybe Nick could get another roommate.

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