Since as far back as I can remember, I have had this pervasive feeling that there’s something missing. I think it is due to not having purpose or a solid foundation to live by. I’ve searched for the answer in books about the world’s religions and political systems, ideologies of numerous kinds. When I discover a new one of these I think I’ve found the answer but soon after it doesn’t fulfill me and seems hollow or dogmatic lies. I just want to be a part of something you know? I can’t handle the thought of remaining just one insignificant drone of the masses, going about buzzing around like a worker bee, trying to maintain a meagre job and just getting by. It sounds grandiose but I disagree. What’s the point of this world if you can’t live a great destiny or purpose on it while here. This probably sounds like so much rambling dribble, but I need more. I don’t want more money or riches or fame or anything like that. Just more. Something. Anything. I guess it comes back to the flat affect and blunted emotions from the illness and meds? If I felt more alive I probably wouldn’t be craving more fulfilment.
Anyway if you read all of this, thanks for listening.
Anyone else get like this a lot?
Would love to hear similar mindsets from whoever.
No, that makes sense. I felt that way at one time.
I think a lot of it is all the compromises you have to make when you socialize with other people. It taxes your bank of self fulfillment. I wouldn’t worry about it too much. About the only way you can avoid these compromises is to be totally alone. In time you will get to understand who you are and what you have to do to be around people. Take it easy. It will come in time.
I think I totally get that. For me it’s definitly the sedating of the drugs. Something is missing, and unfortunatly it can’t be completely fixed with the current medication I’m taking. But it helps a lot to go outside at least once each day. For example get on the bus and eat lunch in the city while I do my crosswords. Just being out there amongst people for a while each day helps take away the worst of that craving for something more feeling.
Thanks for the replies peeps.
that makes sense
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