Schizophrenia.com

Fighting the Wave: Paranoia


#1

I think step one is don’t panic. Easier said then done. The wave of paranoia is getting faster and more furious.

The kid sis and I always go out on Sundays. She picks small quirky stuff that’s around town and I found out she deliberately makes sure we arrive during the slow times. This time it was the U.W. student’s art exhibit at the loft gallery. I know this gallery. It’s in a park where I used to work I. I used to mop floors there. It’s a good open space, not huge, but has a spacious feel. But today, I had to get out of there. I was feeling like there just wasn’t enough exits, not enough hiding places and a few of the darker exhibits were really upsetting me. I was on the lookout for the kidnappers again. It didn’t help that I kept loosing her in the crowd because she dyed her hair from her natural redhead to shiny black. I kept misplacing her and getting panicked that the kidnappers got her. I was able avoid a panic episode and shouting in the gallery because logically I KNOW she would never just take off on me. I know if a kidnapper tried to get her in the middle of a semi empty gallery, she’d be noticed fighting him off.

(But I did have her paged. I told the curator my 7 year old kid wandered off. They paged her and he was surprised when he saw that she was 17 and not 7. She was wondering why her Dad was paging her to the front. Fun times had by all.) I also had a personal earthquake, and then I ended up walking around the park for a while, trying to catch my breath and calm down. She was fine with leaving.

The other day I was upset that she just walked into a store without looking through the window’s first to find the fire exits, the security lay out, the lighting, and the safety zones. I’ve always taught her and my other siblings to look through the windows and make sure the place is safe before going in. She was surprised we’re doing this again. I was surprised we ever stopped. It makes me think that maybe I’m not doing so well. The more I panic about not doing so well, the worse I get.

I haven’t had a paranoid wave like this in a while. It started off sort of small as I’ve been dealing with a negative family member who really set me off; and now I just can’t seem to catch up. I feel like I’m loosing ground. I’m trying to use logic and common sense and keep my mind from racing. I’ve been able to slow down a bit now. I still have more good days then bad ones. But I don’t want that scale to keep tipping.
I’m wondering if my old milk cartons are bring up all this memory and just continuing the paranoid wave that my younger brother helped set in motion? It might be time to burn the old milk cartons. Yes, and go talk to my doctor. That too.


#2

J,

I think talking to your doctor is a GREAT idea.

Paranoia is one of the most destructive and disabling symptoms. I’ve learned that, once you’re deep into it, it takes so much time and effort to get back out. You kind of have to start re-training your brain. So an adjustment in medication could definitely be called for.

I also noticed that your recent posts have been focused on paranoid feelings and memories about the kidnapping/personal safety issue. It’s as if some event triggered that in you again. I’d like to see you get out of those feelings and memories.

So a good talk with the doc is a great start to ending those unpleasant feelings.

Be proactive, and stay strong!

Blessings,

Anthony


#4

That is pretty much exactly how it feels. Just like a real earthquake that only effects me. I’m pressed against a tree or a wall waiting for the earthquake to end. It lasts a few minutes for me. When I can catch my breath, it starts to go away.


#5

Radmedtech…
Thank you for that. You are completely correct and I do plan on taking to the doctor first thing Monday for an appointment ASAP. I usually really fear negative symptoms. It had been So very long since I’ve felt anything like this, I forgot how awful and confusing and disorienting it was. (and how easy it is to fall into again.)

There never was an actual/factual kidnapping. It was one of my most persistent paranoid fears when I was first starting to crumble around the edges. I was never so scared for myself as much as I was for my kid sis and younger brothers. What ever just triggered me, the J preservation unit is gathering closer and getting ready to be on stand by again. That does help me out and calm me down. The kid sis helped me un-condense and reschedule some of my workload.

“I’d like to see you get out of those feelings and memories.”
There is a box of old artifacts from the worst of my darkest days that have entered the house. The kid sis read your post and is outside now in the rain, burning them in the barbecue for me as I type. The huge collection of milk cartons is almost gone. That feels better too. She’s a very swift acting young woman. (Most lifeguards are pretty quick. I’d hate to meet a slow one)

My main measurement about this is… Three months ago, if the kid sis was 30 minutes late home from work, I used to think, “Oh, probably stayed to swim or something.” Now; if she’s even 10 minutes late, my brain starts to panic, and I think that word again… kidnappers. When she was 6 and I was 17, there were times that I did physically handcuff her to the side belt loops of my jeans. I was very close to doing that again today.

My meds have been adjusted. Today is the end of is my first full week with no Seroquel at all and on Geodon alone. I’m sure that is a huge contributor. I’ve also been feeling a little floaty and unable to concentrate as much. At first I was thinking since I’m giving up smoking, maybe this is a side effect of no nicotine. But I’m sure the med change plays into this as well.

I always appreciate your ideas. Thank you for your continued help and good will.


#6

During group therapy one lady was so uber fearful of her husband dying and leaving her alone it colored every waking moment of her life.
The therapist mentioned since he wasn’t ill, perhaps it was more of an unconscience wish fulfillment on her part.
Applied it to my fear, and found it applied to me as well.
Stopped my irrational fear cold.


#8

Geodon isn’t doing anything for me either. Definitely talk to your doctor, and just try to remember that these thoughts you’re having aren’t rational. When I get worried someone who’s late got into an accident or had a heart attack or something, I take a few deep breaths, maybe call them if I can, but I try not to get too worked up. I tell myself that they’re probably just in traffic, or they got caught up doing something back home, or they had to stop to pick something up. Even if I don’t believe it, repeating these rationalizations in my head helps keep me distracted until they show up. Then of course I ask what kept them.


#9

I’m sorry you are struggling with paranoid thoughts. Can I ask why you are no longer on Seroquel? I’m glad you will be calling your doctor for an appointment today. Being proactive is really good. Sending love.


#10

I think we were trying the switch because I just couldn’t really engage in reality. I was feeling sort of not all there. Latuda was added to my Seroquel and I felt a lot better. The Seroquel kept the head circus fairly quiet, and the Latuda seemed to really help with the wax build-up but I was starting to loose the battle of the weight gain. I think Geodon was supposed to help with that. I feel horrid. Again, on screen I’m coming off as some what in control, but I’ve not been easy to live with. Now that it’s been a week of no seroquel, the panic and paranoia levels feel like they are through the roof. Last night was a crisis episode. I’ve got to go back to Seroquel.


#11

J,

It sounds like you’re doing a very good job of taking control of this situation. I know it’s hard for you to think clearly right now, but I see you and your support network doing all the right things.

I had a feeling that maybe your meds have been adjusted recently. It’s been my experience that Geodon is not effective as a stand-alone medication in treating paranoia. Seroquel, however, does a great job of calming the mind and body, due to it’s sedative effects. As part of a combination, Seroquel and Latuda work very well together in treating psychosis and paranoia.

Definitely something to talk to your dr about. Keep up the great work you’re doing and keep us updated on how you’re feeling.

Blessings,

Anthony


#12

Radmedtech… Thank you so much.

I snapped last night and my kid sister really had to save me. I owe her so much and a piano. My latest post, “I’m still surprised I’m alive” is a huge thank you to her. She got me an appointment Today. She did a lot of things today.
I have to go back to Seroquel and Latuda. The meds have been in transition this month. This is my first solid week on Geodon with no Seroquel or Latuda. As you can see from that post it’s not going well.

But I am very motivated to get back on track. Look at the photo on that post and you can see my motivation.

How are you doing? Are you still motivated to keep walking and keeping positive?


#13

I just read that post. It was such a beautiful picture and heartfelt message to your sister. I’m sure you know you’re very blessed to have her in your life :slight_smile:

I’m so glad that you made it through the night. And that you’re getting to talk to your dr today. Everything is going to be ok bud! Just be patient and take it easy.

I’ve been really fighting my paranoia and trying to get outside as much as possible. I’m still taking walks almost every day. And this weekend, I made another trip to the grocery store with my friend.

It’s not been easy, but I’m determined to beat the paranoia that’s kept me shut inside for so many months. This group has helped me tremendously. Seeing what others are going through has really given me courage and perspective on my own symptoms.

Thanks for asking how I’m doing! I really appreciate that very much.

I hope your doctors appointment goes well!

Blessings,

Anthony


#14

Radmedtech,
I too know how hard it is walking into a market. I don’t take that task for granted. I’m very glad you’re able to do this more often. I’m glad you have some friends in your corner as well and that your getting out and keeping motivated. I’m rooting for you. It makes me feel better to hear that you have a friend in you corner too.

Thank you for reading the other post. She’s been put through a really weird life because of me. I killed her piano last night and she’s still on my side. I pushed it out in to the street and a huge truck hit it. Our street is littered with piano keys.


#15

Oh no! Sorry to hear about the piano. Did something about it trigger you?


#16

I was already pretty far gone by the time the piano had to die. The voices were just hating the piano and it seemed to be growing. I had to get it out of the apartment before it took over. It rolled a way to far, down the sidewalk, out in to the street, just as the garbage truck was making it’s rounds. I haven’t had a rabid night like this in a very long time. I don’t want another one.

From a perspective of the medical field, how easy would it be to just maybe strongly request to be put back on Latuda and Seroquel? Would a dr. be receptive to a request like that?


#17

I’ve had patients who have demanded to be put on certain medications. And I’ve done it myself with my psychiatrist. Some doctors are receptive to this, and some aren’t. But it’s very important that your doctor at least LISTENS to your requests and considers the possibility. That’s what any good doctor would do.

Be FIRM with him or her, and let them know WHY you feel that this would be the best medication combination for you.

Best of luck with it!

Anthony


#18

Thank you for that. The kid sis and my Dad are going with me today. He also has seen a sharp increase in panic and paranoia as well as a sharp decrease in verbal ability.
With the kid sis’s detailed journals, the Dad’s observations and my sheer lack of lucidness compared to just three weeks ago, this should help me get back on stable ground.

I’ll keep you posted, another wave of floaty is hitting me hard right now. it’s like being drunk, only I haven’t drank a drop.

I hope you have a chance to get out and enjoy a good walk.