Hello. So I feel off the wagon after two days straight with no codeine. I had to buy my lexapro at the pharmacy and I thought I’d just try to buy some codeine.
I thought to myself they will probably check my ID so it will be a no go. But they didn’t check and I bought it and I got home and I got high.
@Rhubot, you shouldn’t be proud to know me. I’m feeling very ashamed of myself. It is difficult for me to admit this to all of you because you were all so supportive and encouraging just the other day and all through my quitting / cut down period.
I’m sorry to anyone who believed in me. I’ve let us all down.
Hey, sweetie, I am taking a little bit of time off from the forums for my classes, but I just got this notification.
Of course I’m still proud of you! Did you think this would be easy, that you’d never slip up? Of course it’s tough!
@anon84763962, you just went two days without codeine! Did you even think that was possible a few weeks ago? I am so proud of you! You can do this!
Do you mind me asking what happened to make you decide to take codeine this time? Was there a situation, or did you just crave it too much? Maybe if you can isolate the trigger, you can come up with a strategy to cope with it if it comes up again.
I’m really impressed with you telling us about it. You have a lot of courage, @anon84763962, and I trust you to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try again.
Thank you @Rhubot. I think I just really craved the high so much. I missed it. And I’m bored without it.
Like the psychologist said, part of the hardest bit is breaking the habits of buying and using. It started everyday for me.
I have a plan to start a new diet next week. It means eating breakfast. I can’t get high if I have a full tummy. So I think the new diet will help break the habit of using first thing in the morning. I’ll be replacing the unhealthy habit of taking copious amounts of codeine, with the healthy habit of nourishing my body.
I’m also starting naltrexone at the end of the week, Maybe I was looking at this high today being a bit of a last hoorah if you will. Once I’m on naltrexone, no high from codeine.
I was also testing the waters. Some of my regular pharmacies have started asking for ID (which is the law in Victoria) when I buy. I have such an extensive history of purchasing codeine that when my ID is entered into the database, I have to try to think of lies and excuses to buy more. And that’s just plain embarrassing. Since I was able to buy it today without the fuss of presenting ID, I kind of reveled in it.
Addiction is terrible. We’re never completely over the stuff, so setbacks are expected. Don’t be too hard on yourself, no point in that, just continue your recovery and put it as your priority.
You didn’t disappoint anyone, it’s how it is, like that guy said to Jon, “nobody gets it right the first time”
I agree with everything @rhubot said, being off it 2 days is an achievement. Please make sure you let your doctor know about the slip as he may have to slightly delay whatever he was going to do next ( naltrexone).
You’ve started the fightback against codeine, it’s just fighting back a bit. But it’s going to lose.
Oh I know how hard it is. I remember the peak of my alcohol use when I started getting sober I could go 7 days then I just wanted to scream and I ran off the property at rehab to go to the liquor store and got kicked out. It’s never easy. Even when I started naltrexone I relapsed. It’s no guarantee. I need aa and naltrexone together for me to achieve what I’ve achieved today…which is 43 days. I had a bit of a craving on the 40th day. No one gets it the first time. Good luck. I’m not sure what else to say. You said you can’t do in patient? But I think that’d be a good idea. Even if it was just a 7 day detox
And congrats on the 2 days! It’s an achievement! You are strong turtle!
In the end of my addiction I sensed god has a plan for me and if so my addiction was part of it somehow. I learned that addiction is dumbo ears. We can learn to fly with our troubled experience to help another human being who has similar troubles in a loving network. Hugs. Keep trying.
Just remember. Addiction is a disease. It’s not a moral failing or doesn’t mean you are a bad person. It is very hard to quit on will power alone. But it’s treatable. I smoked crack for four years. I’m surely not in the position to judge anyone else who is struggling with addiction. And it takes guts to come on here and admit your mistake to all of us.
