Losing hope for my future

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I’m losing hope for my future. How can I carry on like I am doing? Life is so empty and pleasureless. I want to just escape but to where? Escape to oblivion. Stare into space. Retreat into my mind. Shut down. But I can’t because hubby needs me to be ok. He needs me to be there for him and I understand. I feel so fake putting on smiles when I feel so ■■■■. Anhedonia and avolition are so crippling. The house is getting dirty again. I’m getting dirty again. I don’t care. I don’t care for anything. Just want to escape this sza brain … run away…nowhere to go…stuck in my brain trying to distract myself but anhedonia … uggggh

Sometimes I wish I had sz not sza because it sucks big time having both sz and mood problems. Depression oh it’s awful… It’s times like this that I want to die. But what’s that going to help? Nothing helps. Nothing. Only falling into the pit and getting eaten up alive I guess.

They say hell is where you’re neither alive nor dead. Now it makes sense…

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I know when you are ‘in it’ so to speak, things can look bleak. But there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

Perhaps you are do for a med adjustment?

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And you aren’t lost…

I’ve seen you laugh, post poignant thoughts…etc. You’re just in a temporary rut. You’ll snap out of this in time.

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Medications adjustments help. In fact if you take anti-depressives, most are serotonin reuptakers, but in some cases they don’t work. There are other families. Maybe you should propose to your doctor trying out other families of anti-depressants.

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(((Hugs))) @Hadeda

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I’m on highest dose of citalopram now (40mg) and it still feels like I’m down. Last year January I was put on 20mg and for a year I had no depression. But it returned in this January. I hate it. It feels like most of the time I’m depressed. That’s why I have sza not just sz - the ■■■■■■■ debilitating depression

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Escitalopram is a serotonin reuptaker which means it keeps a high level of serotonin on your sysnapses and for some people this family does not work because the serotonin levels is not what is unbalanced. Maybe you should consult your doctor about trying another family. I have my depression sometimes come out of nowhere and I have no defense. I hope you find a solution

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Im in the same place. This morning i convinced myself that there was a magnetic rod that they drove down into the center of the earth that detects my position at all times through a chip in the back of my neck and it alerts them whenever i get too close to another person, so they can come and drive me back into loneliness.

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I just play mandolin and/or guitar and it helps me leave myself alone for the day.

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Try not to awfulize. I know it’s hard, but you suffer worse when you do that.

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You can opt to be cheerful even when down. Hard to explain why, but being cheerful doesn’t have to mean being fake.

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sounds like you need a med change…tell your pdoc and be honest with him…this could easily downward spiral to feelings of suicide…do get help please and tell your husband you are really suffering…

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