Nothing seems good and worth-it right now. I go to work and I come home to chores. I have the choice to do nothing, but then nothing will get done. So I usually choose to do some form if labor here at home.
I’m tired. I’ve had no accommodations for my disorder. I deal with myself and my surroundings by myself. And there are no breaks.
No fun night out, no day trips to anywhere, and never a vacation. Year after year it’s all work, or nothing. And no change on the horizon.
I’m feeling horribly sorry for myself and have no one to hear me.
Sorry, guilty of selfish venting.
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My life is pretty much the same, I hear ya
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It’s the weekend. Take a break and treat yourself to something nice. Maybe take a road trip.
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I’m sorry, @Mountainman. I have a pretty good life and shouldn’t complain. It just occurs to me sometimes that other people I know have so much more…
And I have a husband, which puts a certain amount of expectation in my thinking. He’s happy keeping himself busy with his own interests here at home. Tonight it’s sports on the tv. He’s perfectly content and I resent him for it.
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MY life is basic, alone 99% of the time for years, work and home and getting near the end of work, so many years have slipped by and wasted living like this, it gets to be habit and change is just to hard
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I can’t. I don’t have freedom either. My husband wouldn’t appreciate me just leaving, and I have to pick my son up from work in a few hours. Thank you, though, @TomCat. It’s a nice idea.
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Well, I feel for you, @Mountainman. You’re alone, which sounds like maybe it’s worse, but you can do whatever you want to do (within reason) your life is yours.
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I agree with @TomCat. Take a break and do something fun. There must be some kind of local entertainment or activity near you. Can you go to a movie? That’s just sitting anonymously in the dark with people focusing on the screen and not you. I haven’t been to a play in 5 years but I used to love going. Again, it’s just sitting in the dark while everybody looks at the actors on stage.
But I understand, I’m in that rut too. I don’t do fun things as often as I could. I was just thinking of either driving up to San Francisco or going to the Egyptian museum or going to the tech museum in downtown San Jose. No one can stop you from doing a fun thing, just plan ahead and budget your time so you can take an hour or two to do something fun one day.
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Thanks, @77nick77. I hope you’ll drive up to San Francisco. If you do, please post about it on here. I used to live in Tiburon, then San Rafael, then Novato, and then Sonoma… now I’m in Southern California and miss being up north.
You and TomCat are right. I feel like I can’t just go and do things because I’m married, but going to a movie sounds good.
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buy something pretty = “beautiful candy, too pretty to eat” Yeah, I feel for you feeling like you’re on a treadmill and never getting any thanks. Taken for granted, etc. Have a good pity party on the house.
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Thanks, @PinCushion. 
I’m the same way but I may never have to work again cause of SSI. I usually don’t do chores either except just my dishes sometimes. I’m so tired of life. Even if I had more money to do things I’d still be unhappy. I’d be a little happier sometimes but probably not much and not often. I’m also depressed because I don’t know anyone who’s been bullied anywhere near as much as I’ve been. Plus my future is all bad soon in lots of ways.
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I totally empathize with you @Hedgehog I used to paint. I still play guitar every day…maybe you can find a hobby? poor idea…sorry…I wish I could help you.
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I think that having a family is a pretty good achievement. All I seem to do is work much of the time, and there are snippets of other things, but no where near enough to be content with things how they are.
I’d love to have these connections. You’re lucky to have them. Perhaps it may give more meaning and purpose to your working to support them? I am not important as I am just me, alone. You sound like people around you that need you, and that has to be a positive thing to hold onto.
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I feel sorry for myself all the time and don’t have a lot of good reasons anymore. I understand the feeling
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I’m sorry, @anon21849028, and @sea00115699, I don’t want my post to bring you down. I have such a hard time just “being”, and I find happiness the most elusive thing in the world.
I’m going to make one positive change for myself. Can you do that too? One thing.
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You’re right that I should be grateful for my husband and my son, and I am, especially for my son. But my relationship with my husband is difficult for me, and I get tired of struggling. But I do love him and I need to keep trying.
But I disagree about you having less meaning being just you. I felt more empowered when I was alone. There’s a trade-off either way.
@Hedgehog I feel more empowered single as well. I have more capability to do what I want and i feel free
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Thank you, @jukebox. I used to paint too. I haven’t painted in well over a year, and that’s part of my unhappiness. That’s great advice, that I need to start painting again, and/or find another activity that will give my life a boost.
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I can make better and healthier choices
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