I suffered several psychotic episodes over a period of four years. All this time I kept arguing that there was nothing wrong with me, and I believed that the mental health authorities and my parents were just hospitalising me because they feared my presence. I felt like everyone was against me, and that people were using the label of mental health to cover for their ill wishes.
After my third psychotic episode, out of nowhere, I realised I was seriously ill and I complied with my treatment. I started taking Olanzapine
Today, I have full control of my mind - no delusions, no voices, nothing at all that bothers me
However I feel I have ālostā a lot - I feel I lost my personality. I no longer feel like the charismatic young man I was. My ability to sense energies and situations is absent. I used to love mathematics and the sciences, and I scored very highly on all college exams but I can no longer appreciate the beauty of mathematics.
Since Iāve been on this medication I canāt seem to operate on a high functioning level. I tried to work, and landed several jobs but all the time I had trouble going into work in the morning.
Does anyone else feel like this illness robs you of your entire mind and personality?
I feel mentally stuck, I canāt start positive routines or actions? It feels like a permanent padlock on my brain
I feel like I want to go the hospital but I know it would not help. I am usually am out going and like to go out shopping but today I feel like I am suffering because of intrusive thoughts. I hope for a good day today and peace of mind. I donāt want any voices tell me I am going to die anymore. I want to be left alone.
I certainly feel a loss. My cognition wasnāt what it was, and that makes me feel very depressed in a way. I used to feel like i could do anything i set my mind to, now i feel like i have limits. I get very exhausted after work for example, trying to act normal and focus all day long. Takes it out of me.