Last year I attended recovery-focused classes at a recovery college but they only let you attend for a year and my time finished in December. Now I literally have nothing to do. Apart from therapy which is one hour per week and we’re still doing the assessment.
I tried volunteering in a charity shop last year but the anxiety I got from doing that was awful. And a man there really upset me. If I was volunteering the next day then at night I would wish that I will go to sleep and never wake up. Now I am scared to volunteer again because the last place made my mental health much worse. I did apply to volunteer at the recovery college but I haven’t heard from them yet.
I can’t bring myself to do things I enjoy because my mind tells me I don’t deserve to do them. Like stupid girl you can’t even volunteer in a freaking charity shop, you don’t deserve to do nice things or have fun. Useless, worthless Jesspresso.
You are not useless or worthless. That was a great idea to offer to volunteer at the recovery college. Hang in there, they might ask you to come in and do it. You never know. Do you have friends you can hang out with to feel better?
You’re not worthless or useless. These thoughts are not truly representative of the person you are. You’re dealing with a difficult illness and have to give yourself a break sometimes. If you didn’t like working at the charity shop, maybe you’ll find something else to do. Just take it one day at a time. Hang in there @Jesspresso.
We get the idea that we have to earn life and that isn’t fair when we are sick. Relax and be useless as you call it. Something you would like to do may pop into your mind.
You are right, I feel like I have to earn my life even though I have one already. I feel guilty for not being able to do ‘productive’ things like work or studying or even volunteering. The guilt is so crippling like now I have just spent the past hour crying wishing it all could just stop.
Try something online. Maybe learn web design and sell your services on upwork.com, something like that. Working from home is wayyy more comfortable than working face-to-face.
I did two years at charity shop they put me on shop floor and anxiety was up the wall and sometimes paranoia and voices so they put me out back steaming and tagging I have left there now
I now have admin volunteer work two mornings a week much nicer job
I’m supposedly high functioning sz. I have been unemployed since July and know the feeling of loneliness and second guessing myself and abilities. Don’t get discouraged. Sounds like the last volunteer experience was not a good fit for you. You can explore other opportunities. I think it’s good for people like us to get out and interact with other people. If we don’t it’s too easy to get stuck in our heads and that’s not healthy. Be kind to yourself. Explore new opportunities and give them a try. You really have nothing to lose by trying something.
When I sit at home all day by myself I get more symptoms. Its better to get out for a small while and distract myself. Maybe that could work for you. I can definitely understand the feeling of life having no meaning. But you can create meaning by having meaningful interactions with other people. I tend to do better when I have some contact with people.
@Jesspresso
Oh, Dear, I wish I could take it all away! You’re trying so hard and so much is up against you! Please be proud of all the hard work you’re doing. You’re accomplishing much! You’re fighting battles and struggling to win every day! You can volunteer again with time. There is no rush. I hope the recover college position works out for you! But if it doesn’t, something else will come along!
I am also feeling like my life is off-track and without much purpose. I used to believe there was a strong purpose to everything that happened to me. I was “developing.” But now I feel old and think about the end of my life.
I would suggest to you that even if you have setbacks over work, don’t generalize that you are no good.
Confidence that there is a major purpose or design to our lives is most valuable. I want that belief.
Just try little goals to start with, you might be expecting to much of yourself, maybe a one day a week volunteering and go from there. If I remember right you are young and have lots of time left to explore lifes options
You may have read some of my posts on working. Failure at one job absolutely does not mean you will fail at all jobs. I’ve failed at many jobs; I’ve been fired many times. I’ve failed sometimes at two or three jobs in a row in the past! But so what? It doesn’t matter because I have gone right back out and got new jobs and succeeded and my next job I lasted for three or four years.
Not succeeding at one job does not automatically mean you will fail at all your jobs for the rest of your life. There’s many jobs out there that are doable for a schizophrenic. Maybe the environment at the antique shop was not good, maybe your boss could have been better, maybe your co-workers could have been better or maybe simply working with the public is not your strength. So try finding a job in a different environment. Getting fired or quitting is a setback, but it doesn’t have to be permanent. You just haven’t found your niche; a job you can handle that is not too hard to succeed at.
I’ve worked while psychotic before, I’ve worked with anxiety so high I thought I was going to go out of my mind. I’ve been at a job and it was so stressful that I thought, “Another hour of this and I’m leaving and checking into the psyche ward.” It wasn’t fun but the feelings passed.