Feeling depressed

The last few days I have been feeling depressed. I think it has to do with being at a cross section in my life. I’m either going to keep being ambitious or just float through life. Every time I think about floating through life I get depressed. Life is just too bland and boring that way. I know at this point nobody expects anything more. I’m sure that is what many think I will do. I guess the answer is to continue to be ambitious. It’s just hard and a lot of weight. Before my psychotic break a couple years ago I wanted to be a lawyer. I’m still having that goal in my head, but it is a difficult path. It’s depressing to think about what if I fail. Then I will have to live a bland and boring life by my standards. I’m also depressed about the fact that two things are likely to happen to me: killed by police or imprisoned. BLAH life is just depressing.

Side note: I just want to run and walk. Yes, like Forest Gump

Can’t forget the fact that I supposedly lose 4 iq points every time I go into a psychosis. At this point I’m going to be retarded by the time I’m an adult.

4 Iq points? Nah. You smart; we smart.

Why say killed by police? Are you a youth like me?

I find it hard to look into my future and realize that I may have been dealt a rough hand of cards. However, this isn’t always the case. I hope things get better.

Well, you have some control over whether you get in trouble with police. It’s simple; avoid doing illegal things and it lessens your chance of getting picked up. I don’t know you but becoming a lawyer seems a little too ambitious for someone with schizophrenia. I’m not saying that it isn’t possible but it takes a lot of work, concentration, patience and it could be too stressful. I would love it if someone on here became a lawyer because it would be very inspiring, but just look at it realistically. This is just my own personal opinion. I’m sure other people on here have different opinions then mine.

I was 19 when I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. I’m now 55 years old. The first two years of my disease was hell. I was locked up in a psychiatric hospital for 8 months when I was 20. I felt hopeless, suicidal, and crazy. I suffered a lot and I did not know if I would ever get better. I had nothing. I had no car, no friends, no girlfriend, no money, no job, no sanity, no school. Just endless excruciating suffering for every minute of every day.

Well, I have worked almost steadily since 1983. I went to college and I am only needing four more classes to graduate. I’ve driven my own cars since 1997. I’ve lived on my own since 1995. So it is very possible to suffer from this disease and you can still get a little something out of life. I don’t know if you could be a lawyer or not. But be smart about it. With this disease you have to compromise a lot. Good luck.

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