Fear of Women

Health and Recovery
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I have a fear of women. I was molested by a woman as a child. I am bisexual and have virtually no anxiety about men, but I get sick feeling and even sweaty and nauseous when I think about a female that I am interested in.

For example, I met this girl who is very much my type in a class and i told her I wanted to get to know her and got her phone number, then last night at midnight before the final exam she had a bunch of questions and called me an angel and said thanks and see you tomorrow. I said hi in person before the exams and I texted her an hour or so ago asking her how she thinks she did and she hasnt repsonded- she does work, she told me that, so maybe she will text me back later, im just feeling sick to my stomach right now, im sweating and I have a headache.

Does anyone else have a fear of the opposite sex? I always feel like having anything beyond a casual sex partner wont happen because those happen easily for me, but I want to be close to someone who can accept me and my past and the fact that I am a medicated schizophrenic. I want someone to see the darker side of me, not just the honors student and competitive athlete. I dont like pretending to be someone else- schizophrenia shaped me into who I am today, and it will always affect me.

I try so hard to be perfect, I am a competitive powerlifter and a straight A student, I never feel like I am good enough because I am in fact mentally ill. I really long for a real relationship where I can maybe just share my past and cry about it, and quit being a badass who is all muscular and always smoking a cigarette who wears a lot of black and skulls and crossbones.

I just feel frustrated. All of my casual sex partners knew about my diagnosis, they just kept it sexual and not emotional. I guess people overlook my brain in favor of my body. But I feel like I am stuck in emotional growth. I find I want someone to have a real bond with, someone to quit being a “badass” around and just be myself.

there are 4 gay men texting me. But I feel like they just want to hook up, gays are notorious for casual sex. I myself havent met a single gay man who was on my level who did not just want to hook up.

For â– â– â– â– â–  sake I have a better relationship with my gay art teacher from high school, he knows more about me personally than my â– â– â– â–  buddies did. He is sort of a mentor/father figure to me, with me being bisexual and all. We would lift weights together in the school gym after school when I was in high school.

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At least it’s better to know all this than to be in denial I think.

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Straight sex is much more stressful. Behind it is the purpose of parenthood. No wonder it’s making you a little sick. I’d say you’re just being normal.

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Dear Mr. Mortimermouse, That small statement might be the seed of the anxiety. By the mere fact of being human, we are not perfect. In my experience, human perfection always seems to be defined by external ideals. I would in no way pretend to be on your level, I’m only 17. But I do push myself harder then needed. I do try to save everyone, I do try and take the world on my plate.

As my brother J says, “When one grips the sand of perfection with a heavy fist, the sand slips through the grasp faster. When one holds the sand of perfection in an open and relaxed palm, the sand sits, content and perfect.”

In other words, you don’t have to race and push yourself to breaking point over everything. The second question is, if you’re happy with what you have achieved then what is perfection? Getting pulled through CBT for my anorexia and my stress ulcer I’ve been realizing that it’s easy to fall into the mindset that NOTHING is good enough, nothing is perfect therefore nothing is acceptable. That’s just not how anyone can live.

What would happen if you work for contentment and happiness? No matter how fleeting? If it makes you happy why stress on perfections? You have already achieved what you have achieved; your 20.

Given your past history and trauma, I understand your anxiety about this date. As far as only having casual relationships and not having anything on a deeper level, I bet you will. But again, why are your rushing? It’s only been just a few months in discovering a new facet of yourself along with adjusting and trying to make the new you fit with the old you. A deeper relationship takes time like a garden. If you rush into it, rush through it and rush out of it, you’ll miss it.

Don’t let external forces (ie; opinions and perceptions) define this. Please don’t get angry at this but if you stop being a badass around yourself, will it be easier for you to stop being a badass around others? It sounds like only recently that you’ve been letting go of the anger and killer machine/man past of yours. It sounds like your trying to make that transition from gang fighter to artist.

Again as my brother J says, “One must know themselves before they can know others.”

You do have a talent for art, what if you nurture that side as well as the killer machine side? Many of your physical stories about yourself are violent. You say you come off as a badass and you hold tightly to the persona of someone not to mess with, not to get close to. I understand you’ve had this trauma, but now that your in the position your in, you might be able to lay down the sword and pick up the pen a little more. Drop some of the armor and I bet more people will get to know you on a deeper level if that is what you really wish for.

Sorry if I got too personal or offended
Thank you for letting me post.

Inner strength can endure the crashing waves.

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That was very supportive is very true, thank you. [quote=“kidsister, post:4, topic:5764”]
You say you come off as a badass and you hold tightly to the persona of someone not to mess with, not to get close to. I understand you’ve had this trauma, but now that your in the position your in, you might be able to lay down the sword
[/quote]
I think you know me pretty well. I do in fact cling on to some remnants of my past, which I haven’t ever fully explained on these forums, but I was hanging out with gangsters at one point and they wanted me to be their muscle. They told me exactly what my job would be, I would have just stood there with a gun while they bought big shipments of drugs and rode with them on big deals. I turned it down and they respected me for it. This was after I began showing symptoms and was told by my doctor to NOT apply to ROTC, so I just felt like I was without a cause.

I get frustrated with wanting to be strong but also wanting to be healthy. Heavy weightlifters, powerlifters, olympic lifters and strongmen are some very troubled men. Something is wrong with you if you feel a need to squat about three times your own weight. I try to keep my workouts social by talking to other members of the gym (which is like a haven for powerlifters, its the only powerlifting gym in the city) and I often have a workout buddy.

My trauma does show itself by defense mechanisms- I reek of Reaction Formation, in which I compensate for being short and having been bullied and molested and outcast as a kid by being a dangerous grown man. I sometimes put hundreds of pounds on the bar, chalk my hands up and wonder what those people would say if only they could see me now. It’s a defense mechanism, it means I feel weak and vulnerable and so I try to overcompensate, which I do successfully, which builds my ego. But the ego is only part of a person, for me it is seemingly all I am made of, which is sad and not healthy. I end up being very dominating in casual relationships, I will spare the details. I mean it has all been consensual. I don’t even enjoy it that much, rough casual sex is not that different from just masturbating vigorously. It carries no emotional nourishment, only causes me more problems. I think I am done with casual sex.

I do come off as someone not to mess with in real life, people don’t make eye contact with me and strangers on the streets dont even look at me most of the time. I just get frustrated when I meet someone I want to get to know, because there I am looking intimidating when intimidation isnt what I want to do with those people. I often talk to a girl and she looks at my body and then averts her eyes, I dont know why but that makes me feel like they are scared or think I must be crazy. Men dont really act like that, they often approach me, and I have tried saying the most stupid and random things and they still just laugh and give me complements. What the hell.

But a funny thing about the sword reference- I have tons of drawings of myself with a buster sword- an extremely thick heavy sword used to break other swords and destroy armor. I might post some of them up in the creativity section, but they’re disturbing. Freud would have something to say about my drawings of myself wielding a very thick but average length sword.

A girl started talking to me from one of my classes so Ive been texting her. I told her in person a while back that I wanted to get to know her and she gave me her phone number and said to hit her up after exams. We talked about the exam and there were lots of congratulations and "LOL"s. But I am pessimistic and I embrace for the worst- but I am going to ask her out on a date. Whether she says yes or not is not in my power…which is frustrating, cuz I am a powerlifter, 470 lbs are in my power, that’s the most ive ever lifted.

My ex girlfriend starting talking to me and I also met a girl in a psych class who gave me her number and said she wanted to go out after exams. So I have options. That and the 4 homosexuals who have been texting me lately.

Here’s a song by Slipknot about fear of women.

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I do not have fear of women, but I do not need them in my life at this time. I am not really sexually active and I like my life alone.

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Mortimer, the question that comes to my mind is this : What do you want from women? Sex? A friend? A close relationship? To be the gay friend? Since you found out you are gay can’t you just strike sex as being a factor in any relationship you will have with a girl? What’s left that you want from women? Just buddies? Find out what you want, and if it’s realistic I’m sure you will go for it. It seems you can get respect from women and you should focus on getting your emotional needs met by someone of the same predominant orientation. You have to think where a relationship with a women will go and why you want it.

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hi yes I do I have fear of men. I had a road to Damascus epiphany today that its my hostility towards males that is my main issue and that I need to forgive menkind.

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Well I think I might be bisexual after all, I had some dreams about women the last couple of nights. It had been a while and instead I had been having dreams about men instead, like exclusively. I think I look for acceptance with women, but more than that, I think I wish to be dominant. That’s what my dreams and fantasies and experiences with women have been all about- dominance. I dont really quite dominate other guys, at least not forcefully. I just prefer men for some reason and enjoy being the one in charge, but most of the time I have been somewhat dominant- not rough, just in charge.

But right now I am pretty close to gay. 4.5 on the Kinsey scale. lol

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I am the opposite - I don’t trust other men right away - especially authority figures. I was raised by females - there was my grandmother, my Mom, my aunts. I had female friends as a toddler growing up - the older girls would watch after me, making sure I was safe. I had very controlling older males telling me how to live my life, and later in my life, I was controlled and mistreated by an abusive pdoc - an older male.
I tend to confide and feel more comfortable around women in general - I dont feel 100 percent safe around male strangers, I tend to steer away from loud, intrusive, macho type males - especially authority type figures.
The majority of my coworkers were mainly female - its just the way it is

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reading my previous state four months ago is very interesting. I seem to be growing at a pretty fast rate. I am not necessarily afraid of women anymore as much as I am just…no wait, that’s ■■■■■■■■. I am still afraid of attractive women. I have started a relationship (with a guy) which is beyond casual sex- which is what I always wanted, a real relationship where I can be honest. I hope it works out. The only problem is that it is long-distance, but its only a three hour drive…I know a couple from my high school who have become engaged after going to colleges across the country. This guy’s job is only during the school year, he works at a yearbook company, so if it does stay alive, the summers would be just fantastic. We skype and talk which seems to be working. We have spent a few days with each other in person, and I am planning on visiting him within the month.

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The only person who isn’t afraid of attractive women is Warren Beatty. The rest of us peons are under their control.

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Please excuse my sarcasm… Maybe us women just dropped the ball somewhere back in mythology and gave up our rights to equality. Our bad…

http://www.legendsandchronicles.com/ancient-warriors/amazon-warriors/

Maybe we should be feared lol :open_mouth:

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Uh Oh!

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