So I’ve been seeing a lot more faces recently…which is unsettling. I was in my friend’s dorm and we were watching shows together and I kept getting distracted by all the leering faces in her posters…aside from that my battle with the demons has been going quite well! FOR ONCE! Sheesh. Anyhow I made a connection between my dreams and reality, because I mean technically all the psychotic stuff happening to me is like a dream, right? Father (one of my voices) called it a “waking nightmare” once. My dream world has very specific rules it has to follow. I realized that I could battle the demons using rules like this. I realized all this time I had been trying to fight the demons on my own even though I hold the strong belief that a demon is much stronger than a human, this is a rule. So I decided to not make it my battle anymore and left it up to my guardian angel and any other protectors I might have, since I believe angels are much stronger than demons. And they haven’t been able to attack me since!! Granted they’re still very weak from me moving rooms again…but still. Awesome!
Oh in addition to all that wackiness I had my first session with my therapist yesterday. She was nice and easy to talk to. We talked about my anxiety but I understand my anxiety and how to manage it. She set up an appt for me with the psychiatrist who’s probably going to give me anti anxiety meds to take when it gets really bad so that’s cool. Anyways I hope she doesn’t try to focus on my anxiety. Mainly I’m coming to her to help with the crazier side of things. When I told her some of the things I experienced (I told her about my hallucinations mostly this time and briefly mentioned I could feel the demons touching me but didn’t expand on that at all. Really dreading talking about that. A lot.) The more I talked about my fears and what I experienced she kept asking if I had gone through any abuse or been in a cult. But I’ve never been in a cult or abused!! Even though I swear a ton of my crap could be trauma related, I’ve never BEEN through trauma! Aside from what the demons have done to me but how can you be permanently traumatized by something that in reality hasn’t happened to you?? It’s so, so confusing.
Haha sorry I was kind of rambling all over the place there.