signed up a few days ago on line and immedietly on the first page of their spiel
was basically if you have severe mental health difficulties ‘we’ would not expect you to be the next super - revolutionary
i don’t know the exact words they used
I’m so glad i read that
I can’t cope with it
Finding myself in a yoga class ( i was pretty involved with it )
a meditation centre or retreat ( i was a little involved with this )
or place where the general practice thought for the week was ‘Ahimsa’
non violence to all beings
I was at the time on a mainly veg based diet and still the second the retreat started it became obvious to me that I was useless and had no worth. That i was cruel and skirting round nasty thoughts and nasty attitudes, motivations, irritations, judgements, isms
and all the hell that goes with that if you are to be held accountable some day because we reap what we sow
with this Extiction Rebellion thing has me feeling completely worthless. I have been buying stuff for my whole life - excessively - and have spent literally weeks - several probably - in planes if you add it up… and have eaten all the meat and dairy i could handle
Other than my vegan and veggie 10 yrs ( i lapsed for a decade ) and my current few years back in the similar right direction (kit-kats excepted)
I need to share this grief!
I am responsible,
as much as any political pawn
it only takes about 1 Oligarch or some kind of usually white man in power - for each 30,000 people or so who are able to pick up a blindfold and get on with a ‘normal life’ (huge numbers guess)
don’t know if i was clear. I have a severe attack of self annihilation even after one yoga class ( years after getting really into it )
or one medition group (having done weeks of retreats but once or twice basically since i met my husband.)
I’m certain that it has in a couple of days of looking it up on the net has been UNBELIEVABLY destabilising
if i were not schizophrenic i would be going to london
I am feeling so much better and more stable. The news has been so shocking i cannot ignore it
I’m in the midst of changing almost everything about my life.
Default birth strike - all my life i believed this… Schizophrenia makes it necessary as well
buying second hand furniture and clothing as much as i can
No longer having baths - only showers
80% vegan (it is not great this - can’t stop eating sweet sugary junk)
Gave up my car, got an electric bike
Feeding my husband a variety of veg that he will eat - it’s a lot of effort to do that
he has been so incredibly moody about the whole thing… he wants his steak and potatoes 2 x a day
I stopped smoking 13 years ago
I have completely stopped ordering anything on line because of postage…
not buying Air Freighted foods as much as possible - this will be a big learning curve with lots of potatoes all winter - just seasonal and British because of food miles
haven’t given up bananas yet but they are dying off at an incredible rate due to a fungus
In a month we are moving to an area with the best experimental recycling system in the country. The place is smaller and we will have solar panels installed instead of a new carpet
Buying Eco products like all cleaning (inc using refill) and personal hygiene and make up
If i can up my meds - my CPN suggested some PRN - which seems to be working - maybe i can do this without the initial shock making me psychotic…
yeah -
as long as you are going in the right direction i guess
be careful maybe
my research has a huge lifetime sized dent in it
however at this stage doing nothing or half measures there is no option for that in my dedication
I had it done couple hours after talking to you
I’m very happy with it
because it stands for action and love i chose back of left wrist near piziform bone
my husband still hasn’t seen it
