Which came first, my hyper-sensitivity or schizophrenia?
I have financially supported the ASPCA and World Wildlife Fund since I was a kid sending my allowance. I sent money to a child in India and exchanged letters with him while in high school. I have been a member of both Greenpeace and Amnesty International. I care. I’ve always cared. But at some point I gave up all these causes. And because of intense attacks by demons and personal exhaustion I even stopped “witnessing” to people about salvation. I can’t save anyone physically or spiritually.
The other day my husband came home, himself burdened with some news stories. He shared one after another with me, and I started sobbing. I told him to stop. I told him I can’t hear one more horrible thing.
This world is a swirling smelly piece of ****, and I want off.
But I’m compliant and stay, waiting until it’s my time to go. But I don’t understand the purpose. Very little here has meaning, and the suffering of animals and children is unbearable. I work with kids who are largely from unstable, abusive and broken environments. I do very little for them, but all I can under the circumstances. But nothing gets better. The population grows and everything gets worse. I really hate it here.
For all of the hardship in this world, there’s still goodness all around. It’s just harder to see and appreciate when you’re in a funk.
It’s a beautiful day today. Biked to the nearest park with the twins. Families having picnics…toddlers playing in the sunshine. Just a peaceful, enjoyable afternoon.
Your day will come, @Hedgehog. You’re a kindhearted spirit. And I believe in Karma…that those good deeds you do will come back to you in spades, some day in another form. You’ll see!
I completely understand. since I was real young, I’ve always thought about suicide, because of all the ■■■■■■ up sad ■■■■ in the world. haven’t ever done it, clearly, or attempted, for that reason, but sometimes I just strongly feel I want to kill myself to get away from all the bad things and people in this world. but I’ve realized it will fix nothing. so I’ve decided to try and be the change I’m seeking, manifest the words I’m speaking
That’s super sweet, @Patrick, thank you. You know, it’s a beautiful day here too. Finally some chill in the air as we head toward Autumn, my favorite season. If I look on the bright side, there’s much to celebrate, and God has been faithful to me. I’m super blessed. It’s just hard to stay focused on the bright side sometimes. If I turn my head just slightly, the darkness is all around…
But, I’m a drag, and I honestly don’t mean to be ungrateful or get anyone else down. This is my mind, and this is my truth, and sometimes venting helps a bit.
Thanks again for your encouragement. Being reminded of good stuff does help.
You’re hilarious, @MoeFaux. I really cared and meant to help and encourage hurting people when I witnessed. I’m sure I’ve had my head up my *** at times, but I won’t deny my sincerity back then. It was the demons that made me stop. The attacks were cut in half when I went away from that fundamentalist lifestyle. Which is selfish, I guess…
Anyway, baby goats…gotta check that out. Thank you
I’m sinning @MoeFaux for using the beauty of gods creations to counter all the ■■■■■■ up ■■■■ god is equally responsible for…also sinning the world for being a douche to children and animals…
You might want to look up videos from a guy called Hans Rosling for a bit of a different take on the problems in the world. Uses the actual facts and statistics from proper sources like WHO, IMF etc. and visualizes them such that the trends become visible, trends that often do not make it into the evening news. It’s not all good ofcourse, but quite some important figures show very significant improvements over the last few decades towards the better. It does not all get worse.
There are a lot of positive things going on. There have been breakthroughs in generating electricity from solar panels that make solar energy competitive with coal and natural gas. That means we’ll have an abundant supply of pollution free electricity. Also they’re developing vertical farming techniques that will allow the growth of food plants inside cities. They say a baby born today has a good chance of living to be 120 years old. It’s looking like we have the resources to support a population with that kind life span. There are so many new, promising technologies. I think the quality of life will continue to grow and spread from generation to generation.
I can take it, @MoeFaux. And your larger message is received as well. I grapple with the purpose of our time here as if it’s a prison sentence. You have a better outlook and I acknowledge that. I don’t feel this way all the time, and I wish I felt this way less.
I try to look up videos on youtube that make me happy. usually surrounding reptiles or animals in general. I have seen videos though that have disturbed me I won’t go into details but one story was so tragic about a poor dog in india, I cried the whole video and even afterwards. people say i’m too sensitive.
about witnessing people? I say good for you, I don’t believe in God but I respect people’s religions and what they believe. it takes great character to believe in something now a days.
I give to unicef, SmileTrain and Child Fund even though I only have a parttime job. It makes me feel good that I have helped people. As screwed up as I am and as negative as I can be, at least I am helping out in a way.
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