Hello. I have posted here a handful of times prior, looking for advice. For further context, I live in the USA, where we have a tendency to be pretty superficial and judgemental. This is just more word vomit than anything else, I dont have therapy for another few days and the world is angering me, as per usual. I work in a very “people-centric” environment for both of my jobs, one more interaction-heavy than the other. Ive had a flat affect and alogia my whole life. Never did any speech or corrective programs to move past this. Im so damn tired of the judgement. People think Im rude, hostile, think Im better than everyone else, that Im cold and unhappy. And they act like these words dont hurt when you hear them, because they think you couldnt possibly comprehend words like this and what they mean. For those of you with my same little “issue”, how do you not grow even more jaded and bitter about the world around you? Im so thankful that I have a little found family that makes me feel welcomed, and like Im a part of things. Its hard for me to bring new people into my life, largely due to the aforementioned issues I tend to face with neurotypicals, and hell, even some non-neurotypical people! Just need some advice to keep truckin along. Its getting hard to not isolate lately. The words begin to hurt when they are constant.
The journey to wellness is easier along the path to self acceptance. Along the way accept other people if they reciprocate acceptance with you. If not, walk away.
thanks… im pretty crap at the whole “self acceptance” thing. definitely my achilles heel, i am very insecure about the whole schizophrenia thing. its been a very bumpy road for me, but thats life i guess. i take it a day at a time… im working on it in therapy. ever since i was very young ive been taught that my being mentally disabled is something that should bring me shame. over the years ive been working to jump past this hurdle.
Hi. I also work a work a very people-centric job. I’ve been at it awhile and I’d say the first several years I felt the same way you do- judged and misunderstood. Know that this is the illness communicating with you.
Remission and recovery is the only way out of this loop. I went from feeling miserable one day to feeling less misery to eventually flipping the sz script. I’m not religious, but it was a God shot that allowed this to happen.
Existing sz-ly is a load of ■■■■. Perhaps one day, things will turn around for you. It’s good that you’re working.
I don’t know. But I’m in deep isolation.
It’s easy to isolate, but very hard to unisolate.
Occasionally? For 20 years, I took an ass pounding on the daily. If it wasn’t my friends shitting on me, then it was my co-workers. People I didn’t even know took swings. We appear to be parasites and are treated as such.
I’m in sales, 9 years now. What do you do?
There is no shame in living with schizophrenia. We who live with it walk a steeper hill on our journey through life than normies. We should be proud of ourselves because we endure so much yet still prevail. Take each day one a time. Some up a bit some down then up again. Never lose hope and reach out anonymously here to your friends here if you need to just vent or talk. 
Very true @Kxev . I have to do some self talk to go water the baby trees I planted but they need my attention so I do. Caring for others living things or caring about something even just a little can help undo the rusting up in isolation.
Sorry to have to say this @gene but you need to get out of sales if at all possible. Sales is a high stress job. High stress PREVENTS wellness for us (people living with schizophrenia). All “peopley” jobs are higher stress. I dont know what your best fit alternatives might be but my guidance for what it’s worth is to put your mental and physical health first. Try floating some ideas to get some feedback here on what other work might be good for you. Best of luck rebooting! Some times, a change is a good as a rest.
It took me decades to learn that most of the time it wasn’t about me. The rudeness from other people. Derisive comments. It was/is what they personally have going on that they are not comfortable with in themselves, whatever that may be. It’s very difficult to see it as it is, in the moment. Because it hurts. And you have every right to feel this. No one deserves to be someone else’s target. But if you can take a step back maybe when something like this starts to occur with someone and see it for what it really is, it may help to lighten the load.
I try to water the trees I planted every day just like you. Interesting that we feel exactly the same way about “rusting up in isolation” (I like you way of describing it).
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