I’m beginning to get really overwhelmed by this pressure. So, my psychiatrist hasn’t faxed my prescriptions or they weren’t ready, and the pharmacist claimed I said to put Abilify back when I said to refill it, but that it was a new lowered dose. The fact that she told my father I asked her to put it back confuses me. They also didn’t fill Vistaril. So all I got was Adderall today.
I feel fine though, but my dad is treating me like I’m turning into a monster and nothing I do is good enough ever. I saved up constantly this week, but I got a call from the collections agency so I had to pay my $100 monthly bill, for the second time so I’ve put $200 towards a $1,000 shepherd bill this year. I’m sorta in debt but it’s only for a refund check. I’ve never had over $1,000 in my bank account, so having a refund check made me get overly excited.
I haven’t been advised on how to do accounting or pay income tax. I didn’t even know I was supposed to file for income tax and I’m turning 26 in January, so like wtf. I’m not used to being independent, I’m used to being controlled and treated like a child. So this is a difficult adjustment. I’m realizing that doing what my father says all the time doesn’t necessarily benefit my personal needs or interests. I don’t want to live here anymore, either.
I want to move to the city or somewhere more diverse and populated.
So I have a few plans in order of how to become fully independent of my family, without relying on them for finances AKA being financially controlled, and if I don’t do what he wants with my life I’ll be disowned or cut off. He’s threatened to disown me and cut me off almost four times. I know he’s frustrated, but he never admits to anything and he takes everything out of context!
If he seriously wants me to use good judgement, he should stop judging everything I do on my own without his say or input beccause I’m tired of feeling powerless.
While my own friends get on my case about bitching when they don’t have gas money or that I do this and that, these are things my dad is telling me are going on-
And my biggest fear would be that if I moved back home at 25 or continued living there, that I would become unmotivated and depressed, that I would lose time, and get trapped in this house. I need financial support to leave, which I do not have. I have no financial resources at all. No help from grandparents or aunts or uncles, I feel cut off and I don’t feel like my dad cares that I’m trying and that I can’t function under his control.
I don’t even want to work at a restaurant. I hate my life. I want to leave this ■■■■■■■ shithole place and move somewhere where I can actually effing breathe!