Schizophrenia.com

Everyone's Tearing Me Down Left and Right IRL


#1

I’m beginning to get really overwhelmed by this pressure. So, my psychiatrist hasn’t faxed my prescriptions or they weren’t ready, and the pharmacist claimed I said to put Abilify back when I said to refill it, but that it was a new lowered dose. The fact that she told my father I asked her to put it back confuses me. They also didn’t fill Vistaril. So all I got was Adderall today.

I feel fine though, but my dad is treating me like I’m turning into a monster and nothing I do is good enough ever. I saved up constantly this week, but I got a call from the collections agency so I had to pay my $100 monthly bill, for the second time so I’ve put $200 towards a $1,000 shepherd bill this year. I’m sorta in debt but it’s only for a refund check. I’ve never had over $1,000 in my bank account, so having a refund check made me get overly excited.

I haven’t been advised on how to do accounting or pay income tax. I didn’t even know I was supposed to file for income tax and I’m turning 26 in January, so like wtf. I’m not used to being independent, I’m used to being controlled and treated like a child. So this is a difficult adjustment. I’m realizing that doing what my father says all the time doesn’t necessarily benefit my personal needs or interests. I don’t want to live here anymore, either.

I want to move to the city or somewhere more diverse and populated.

So I have a few plans in order of how to become fully independent of my family, without relying on them for finances AKA being financially controlled, and if I don’t do what he wants with my life I’ll be disowned or cut off. He’s threatened to disown me and cut me off almost four times. I know he’s frustrated, but he never admits to anything and he takes everything out of context!

If he seriously wants me to use good judgement, he should stop judging everything I do on my own without his say or input beccause I’m tired of feeling powerless.

While my own friends get on my case about bitching when they don’t have gas money or that I do this and that, these are things my dad is telling me are going on-

And my biggest fear would be that if I moved back home at 25 or continued living there, that I would become unmotivated and depressed, that I would lose time, and get trapped in this house. I need financial support to leave, which I do not have. I have no financial resources at all. No help from grandparents or aunts or uncles, I feel cut off and I don’t feel like my dad cares that I’m trying and that I can’t function under his control.

I don’t even want to work at a restaurant. I hate my life. I want to leave this ■■■■■■■ shithole place and move somewhere where I can actually effing breathe!


#2

you are young. I suggest you pay off your debt before moving out, that could be a real bad burden if you were on your own. I would suggest moving in with a friend? I split my bills with my girlfriend otherwise I would be very poor living here alone. Something to think about. Moving out for you would be huge because it sounds like you are used to a controlled environment? Good luck @StarryNight


#3

Thanks Jukebox, yeah my dad and I had an argument this evening, but it makes it difficult. I still see where he comes from. He wants me to be financially independent of people, him included, and also not to be walked all over upon. I can see why it upsets him because he knows I’m getting older and that I need to move out, but that I can’t live on my own if I don’t manage well. I think that’s why he limits my spending etc. But it has helped, and I have begun saving a lot more.


#4

Trust your father, he only wants you to be happy deep down but a father must do things or say things that maybe the daughter doesn’t really want to hear, but she must hear them? don’t listen to me, I’ve only been a step dad in my life but I understand my own father. or at least I used to. me and my father are very distant and he is getting older now and can’t hear anymore. My mother and I are close. when I first got stable after being ill I lived with my mom on her cattle farm and had to do a lot of chores around the farm which in fact was good for me but at that time I hated my life. I was supposed to be an architect. I later accepted that. Do you think you’ve accepted your illness? Do you think you are completely stable right now?


#5

Well TBH I’m not sure how to define stable. If by stable you mean not having symptoms of bipolar or schizophrenia, yes I am stable. I am not hallucinating, I’m thinking clearly, and I’m motivating myself at a new job. I’m happier, confident that I’m doing well and I’m working towards financial independence. I simply tend to have trouble working because this disorder prevented me from gaining a lot of knowledge as a teen and now that I’m almost twenty-six, I’m expected to know everything when my dad’s traveling the world all the time.

I’m extremely happy with the prospect of getting a job and supporting myself. I want to live in a small town house close to work, start socializing with new people, and present myself in a good way, but people are tearing me down left and right.

I am the only one who really gets me, who is constantly pushing me to do things. I have no one else who has time to help other than my close friends who he hates and wants me not to be around.


#6

I guess the only constructive advice I have is to take this transition from dependent to independent slowly. I jumped out of care from my mom and I wasn’t ready to do it but after I jumped mom made me stay away so I had to learn how to live on my check. I wish you luck with your job. I don’t work nor could I ever work. agoraphobic and PTSD are two main reasons with other reasons but don’t feel like going into it. anyways, good for you on working.