I’ve been living with family (my parents) for the past 20 years since graduating college. I’m grateful for their company and support but I’d like to venture forth and live independently. My mom is against me moving and dad is neutral.
My main concern is my addiction to marihuana. I’m approaching six months sober but everyday is a challenge. I’m apprehensive that if I live on my own, I’d fall back into using. Even just thinking of moving elicits thoughts of getting high… no doubt I’ll lose my independence.
Without question my chances of relapsing goes up when left to my own doing. I wish I’ve turned the page on my addiction, is it worth the risk? Or maybe I just have to do it, one day my parents will leave and I will have to continue on alone. It’s time I sought independence.
Living on your own isn’t necessarily going to be any better than living with your parents. I moved out when I was 18 and have had two houses and an apartment in the course of my life. I have been living with my parents since being diagnosed sz(not including stays at a group home/mental facility and hospital.) What exactly do you expect to gain by moving out? It’s just more bills, more stress for you and more isolation. You add in your addiction and I would say it sounds like a bad move to me. As you said, one day you will have to when your parents are gone but personally, as a sz, with all the financial hardships that come with it I would put off that day for as long as possible. I guess it would be different if you plan to have a family or something…then you need a degree of independence. . I think maybe you just have a bit of the “grass is always greener on the other side” going on. But thats just my opinion
For some, achieving independence is a goal. I’ve worked enough to save enough to buy a small place of my own. I’d call it home.
I tend to agree, I like the idea of having my own place. Not having to answer to anyone. I love my parents dearly but I’d just like to see if I can make it. It’s a calculated risk but one that might be worth taking up. I appreciate your input!!
I agree with you on this one. But what if you are getting up there in age and feel embarrased. Like how old are you?? I am 37 and I sometimes feel embarrassed to be still at home. I just don’t want my sisters that are younger than me with there own place visiting and judging me. But I do agree that by moving out its more stress and more bills and more isolation.
i’d stay home with my parents. But I can’t say that I experienced the other side although when I was in the army I lived in the army barracks for long time and living by myself is just not possible.
Of course if you think you can do it and it would be achievement to you then i’d say go for it but i’d think over it a couple times though.
Your parents won’t always be there so living independently is a good goal. But, if you don’t think you can, you could always go to a group home when they pass on
I don’t tell people my dx due to the stigma. I am an introvert so must people just think I am shy. The only people that know I have an illness are the ones I had a breakdown in front of, the people where I used to work and family. Other people who know I am disabled just think I am out of work due to my back because I strained my back working as a STNA.
I can’t live independently yet because I don’t have a job or enough money to rent a place and pay for living expenses etc. And I don’t have a car or a licence.
I’ve either lived with my parents or husband and now with my sister. I plan to perhaps go into group home for a while until I have earned enough money to live on my own. That is - if I can get a good work from home job!
I am not sure if I can live alone because of my illness - if I’m depressed and have nobody around I can easily harm myself, or yell back at the voices.
Living on your own does cost a lot. My parents charge me $475 a month for rent and I’m looking at maybe 3x that amount if I live independently in a studio.
I turn 43 this month. I’d say about 10 years ago, I wasn’t able to even think of moving due to a lack of money. But I worked hard and penny-pinched along the way, I was able to save enough for a 10% down payment on a condo. So it can be done!
I’m 47. I’m not embarrassed by it. I lived on my own for many many years. But since developing schizophrenia I live off disability. I was diagnosed very late in life at like 42 years old. I don’t have the multiple jobs I use to work. It would be a extreme hardship for me to afford to live on my own without getting a part time job and I would always be low on cash and stressed. It’s much better for me post sz, to be where I am. I pay a modest rent amount and buy meals from time to time. I am able to save up for that time when I will be on my own again when my parents are gone. Hopefully by that time I will be able to afford a decent house, so I don’t have to have that mortgage payment, and still have some savings as back up. Thats my plan anyway.
Thank you for answering. I Have been at home with my parents for about 10 years now and I have no plans to move out. I am on disability and cannot afford to pay rent by myself. It’s hard having this disorder and being all alone. I am thankful for my parents. If I was alone I think it would be easier for me to harm myself during an episode.
I’m on my own for the first time since falling ill seven years ago and the isolation is challenging. But living with my parents wasn’t conducive to recovering.
do you keep in contact with your parents? Why did you feel living with them was not conducive to recovery?
There are times I feel the same way, as they say sometimes you hurt the ones you love. I’m cool with my dad but sometimes mom can be overbearing and not respectful of my privacy.
Your parents won’t be there to babysit you. Which can be a good thing or a bad thing. For me it was mixed.
I move out in July and brought my cannabis problem with. It took a lot of buying bags, smoking some, and throwing the rest out to get to where I’m at now. If you frequent this forum you ha ve surely read my posts. But I’d pass a drug test today if I had to take one. And I’ve never felt better.
Your independence will eventually bring on maturity. Finding exercise had been my anti drug. You’ll want something like that. There are other hobbies/interests out there that will help you fight your addiction.
My suggestion is get a good start before you move out, and it sounds like you have one.
My late wife until she developed vascular dementia, at the end of 2002, had always been the dominant and more practical one of the two of us.Adjusting to a new role was hard for me, but it was tempered by wanting to do my best for my wife,
After she died in 2005 I went into a gradual and increasing rut. As a non acute, middle aged person with SMI, there was, to put it bluntly,sod all support. I had one home visit in 12 years. That is very much par for the course for non acute service users. I was independent, but basically self neglecting.
My stepdaughter was concerned, but lived 3-4 hours away.She tried to get me to move to be near her. I was too anxious to do so. It took being told my block of flats was going to be demolished to anxiously agree to move near her.
Now I live independently in a smaller,but more appropriately sized,flat. I get a fair amount of support when it comes to daily practical. matters. I was put on the list of people who are regarded as vulnerable re the Care act 2014. That never happened in Essex. Like a lot of things, for a lot of people, the annual assessment, which was due in March/April, was postponed indefinitely.
In my case my mom went into the nursing home in 2010, and she died in 2018. My sister sold her house back in 2010. I don’t have any choice but to live on my own now.