Psychology went bad today. Just worried that I am putting it all on and not even realising it. Like my brain is malingering but I just don’t know it.
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Common symptom. I’d say that isn’t the case for 99% of us.
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I am not sure about malingering in any deliberate sense. However I do wonder quite often whether I am really ill or just weak for not pulling myself together.
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This is a common delusion of mine. When the meds are working and I haven’t had any major symptoms in a while, I think,“I was never sick in the first place! I’m just lying to get attention!” I think this comes from having parents who never believed I was really sick. In your case, I think it’s from the people who judge you for being on a social welfare program. Either way, it’s a delusion. We are really sick, and we really need the treatments and special supports we get.
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In your case, and others, you are no doubt right. As for me it’s a constant battle between “you are mentally ill” vs " you are socially dysfunctional". That’s how my mind works.
I know a lot of people say its not an either/or thing but for some reason I struggle to see that.
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Yes, all the time.
I am constantly swimming in the guilt of this. Especially when I talk about hearing or seeing something, and my brother just laughs and says it’s all in my head. He says I have just convinced myself there are things wrong with me, and if I just stop, everything will stop too. I think he may be right, though.
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Today I thought I had tactile hallucinations - turns out on of my buttons on my jeans had come loose and a cool wind got in my pants. When I was explaining this my mum said I know too much about symptoms and was convincing myself I was hallucinating.
Maybe she was kinda right.
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The best answer for that is: “Isn’t it all, though?” Keeps them wondering about life.
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Haha, I do this too.
Every time I hear a faint sound or voice I freak out and think the voices are back.
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Good one! I just say, "You’re right. I made up everything. It’s all just ‘in my head’."
Then he leaves me alone, about it.
I do. It makes me crazy because it all feels so real until it doesn’t, if that makes sense.
That’s a cruel thing our minds do to us. It’s a big tease.
This! All the time. I don’t think I need to be on medicine.
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Me too… When I’m doing ok I forget how unwell I’ve been and I feel guilty for ever having wasted the time of so many doctors, and when I’m really unwell, a big part of me still thinks I’m faking it, and that I’m a liar and a fraud, an attention seeker. I didn’t realise this was so common until I read this thread.
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Not quite the same thing but a while back the pdoc said I was doing better. I just couldn’t see it. Yes in some ways I might be, but in other ways not. I saw myself overall in pretty much the same position as I have been for years.
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The way I see it, the only person who can know if you are doing any better is yourself…
My psychologist told me that often a patients idea of recovery can be different from their doctors. Personally I think I have come far but my doctor keeps on going on about how I am a young man who has all his life ahead of him. He has a high level of expectation.
Myself I am quite content leading a quiet, domestic life. I have an appreciation of what I can and can’t do.
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I think what your psychologist said is true, I’ve had doctors tell me I’m very ill when I feel I’m doing ok, and that I’m doing really well when things feel hellish to me. I also lead a very quiet life these days, sometimes I miss my work and my social life, but I get over-stimulated so easily and that always leads down the same dangerous path. I have realised that this way of life is better for my health, and most of the time what I do have is enough. I have also gained a much deeper appreciation of the simple things, just the pleasure of sitting in the garden watching the birds, long walks in the country. I think a peaceful life helps maintain some peace in the mind.
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