only to get the kind of welcome back that makes you feel like going right back into isolation?
yes? no? That’s how I feel right now.
Haven’t left the house much this past week or so as I’ve had some down time this summer and well just haven’t felt like going out any more than I’ve had to. So I went out today and first got ID’d buying cigarettes…I don’t find it flattering thinking that someone thinks there’s a possibility that I might be a 17 year old. I rarely even got ID’d buying alcohol during my drinking days…why would someone think I was not of age to buy cigarettes?
So then I swing by a drive-through to get a bite to eat and at the window is a little person or someone with a height difference or what ever you call it and he not only starts laughing hysterically at my last name on my debit card (this rarely happens as well) but also calls me “Bud” and I hate being called “Bud” as this is what my dad used to call me particularly if he was annoyed with me when I was a little kid and it always makes me feel disrespected and belittled on the rare occasion someone calls me this.
Perhaps I am being overly sensitive as I am overly sensitive but my experience venturing out in the world today was less than reassuring. Maybe it’s that I need a haircut fairly badly but that’s a whole 'nother issue right now…
I shy away from the world too. I feel like there is nothing out there for me. I’ve gotten used to being alone, though it does have its drawbacks. One of them is that you don’t get as much information as everyone else, like about jobs, etc.
It’s a struggle to find motivation and plan activities everyday to keep myself plugged into the world. I have to track the few friends that I have down. I rarely get invited out to play. These boards are nice though I consider them one of the ways to get connected to the world.
Tapping and swiping through cutting edge gadgets…can easily connect to networks of networks of data centers globally. Unless the job is in the hidden market, spread by mouth only. We are overwhelmed by gigantic of information leads.
I always take in to account “dumb people” when I am out and about so I don’t get angry. There are a lot of “dumb people” in the small hick town I live in so I hear what you are saying about not wanting to go out. My mental health group is no exception. my therapist is republican and drives me crazy but if I don’t go to group I don’t get free psychiatrist. I have more “good trips” than “bad trips” when I go out usually so I just overlook the pains in the neck.
and yes I went to asda with my sister it was and had a huge panick attack came home and thought im only going outside again if I need a place to throw up LOL
I need to make the lifestyle change & just stay home except for occasional shopping runs.
I have a ton to study to land a work from home arrangement. I was harassed badly out of last job (for third time) by coworker making threats…I would rather work contract jobs for a while & not deal with these in person. I’m so close to getting these jobs…The classes I took were real disappointment last year so need a little supplementing to get there.
Looking to move from suburban to smaller town in coming year. Must pay off credit card with $4,400 balance by being black belt frugal…Got to get used to being at home a lot more, nothing much to do around town & just occupy myself working from home, pets and gardening…
Right now can go to shows, concerts, theatre, shopping, parks, hiking, sports but will give it all up for some relief from the gang stalkers here from a church of 5k I tried here years back …
I usually have something going on so I go out in the world a lot. That’s going to change when my class starts because I will have to study and turn in assignments. It’s an online class. And I work part-time.
I’m too paranoid to leave the house much. I’m always afraid people are looking at me, judging me, watching me, staring at me, going to rob me, kill me, laughing at me, teasing me…
I have often been accussed of being too sensitive. Actually, my Dad often accused me of being too sensitive. It hurt to be told I was too sensitive.
If it takes a sensitive person to make a good painting or take a good photograph, then how sensitive is too sensitive?
Believe it or not, I was a clerk in a store, This store sold cigarettes, and the owner was fearful that one of her employees get caught selling cigarettes to an undercover ploy and get her in trouble. Trust me, I’m not good at judging a person’s age. Trust me, I was doing a clerk’s job when a lot of social skills were a real reach for me.
Also as a clerk, I was not well paid, and I was sometimes too idle. Therefore, I did sometimes toy with customers. I’m not proud to say I toyed with people in the position, but I desperately needed practice is socializing, and there was the opportunity before me.
Okay, I’m reading on a schizophrenia site how doctors are power tripping with us. Maybe. I was a schizophrenic selling cigarettes to folks who very much wanted cigarettes without a hassle, and I would hassle them if I wished.
Some stores ID for tobacco products if you look like your under the age of 25. I’m 42 and sometimes get ID’d. It’s just their policy.
As for this guy calling you Bud… Ya I can see where that can irritate. I don’t like certain names due to my childhood. I try not to take is personally as it doesn’t mean the same thing to the person saying it as it does for me. But it’s hard…
I wouldn’t be able to function in the real world without the clonazepam I’ve been prescribed to deal with paranoia/anxiety. Takes the edge off, kinda like a shot of rum.