Effed up my sleep schedule

This about the third night in a row that I’ve stayed up until the late morning and slept until the early evening. My mother just gave me some grief for it. Probably because I woke her up. Don’t really know what to do I’m actually more comfortable this way. Complete isolation. Been bored for so long I don’t even notice it any more. It has been really nice to get away from people in essence it’s the only way I can get away from myself what with these blasted telepathic. Messages reminding me of how ■■■■■■ up I am.

How is your treatment plan holding up? Sounds like you can benefit from a med adjustment if you’re still dealing with the belief in telepathy.

I don’t really know how to fight it its just so persistent. I kind of simultaneously believe and disbelieve in it. I’m sort of forced to by the whole situation. Anyways I just call them telepathic messages because I don’t really know of any other way to phrase it. My SZ is different than a lot of other people’s. I think jaynebeal went through something similar. I haven’t had a break in what has just about been two years. Everytime a person crosses my mind whether it be when I’m talking to them or when I become aware of their presence I get a telepathic message. It used to really creep me out and confuse me now it’s as normal as anything else. Except it’s not real that is what is really trippy. Anyways the time alone has been nice.

I spend a lot of time trying to predict what the effect of this SZ is going to have on me. How I am going to develop and adapt from here. My head is totally ■■■■■■ but I think it’s a little better than it has been for the last year and it’s totally different than when I was at my worst. Becoming psychotic, being psychotic, being psychotic but on meds. I still can’t really think worth a damn about anything I just merely consume consume consume all day. While I still get the invasive judgemental messages from people, my voices have pretty much subsided as far as affecting my alone time. They used to be an equal burden to the telepathy so it’s really relieving to have time to relax unwind and get distracted from all the ■■■■ the telepathy makes me think about. I’m just rambling and it probably doesn’t flow very well. Sigh, I used to be so affluent in my use of english. Who knew a disease like this was going to wreck my mind. Oh well I feel like I’m slowly learning how to be the human I want to be. I probably would have never had the perspective to see it if I was allowed to keep living like I had been. But still ■■■■ this disease.

Is the telepathic message accurate? I suspect is it a form of understanding of social behavior on a deep level???

I ■■■■■■■ hope it’s not accurate. It’s just the timing of it is creepy.