She’s going through rough times right now. I feel bad for her. But I realize having her in my life is dangerous. All it is going to take is one weak moment from me and bam, using again. I don’t know what to do.
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Unfortunately you have to stay away from people who use. Maybe go to AA or NA and meet people who want to be clean.
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Oei. That’s difficult. I think none of us can really decide for you… but i don’t think you should risk your own life and mental health for her struggle to change her bad habits. That’s really her responsibility, not yours. I’d stay out of this contact. However harsh that may sound. I wouldnt like to see you get caught up in a drug habit again. Take good care of yourself first.
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If you are an addict and trying to remain clean then I would dump all of your druggie friends.
But of course it’s up to you
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I had a good friend with an addiction to crack. I was basically paying her to keep me company. She used to do a bloody good job cleaning. But then it ended in me supporting her habit.
I never touched it - im just an ex-pothead as far as drugs are concerned.
Its a careful one - i got too sucked into her problems, and forgot myself.
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@Wave can I ask how I do that if she keeps coming to my house? She understands the situation I’m in and that I’m no longer using. She isn’t offering me drugs or encouraging me to use. She hasn’t done anything wrong. I don’t know how to cut ties with her when she’s behaving so appropriately. If only she would cross a line, then I could give her the boot.
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Yes, I know what you mean. I do get sucked into her problems somewhat. But, I also see how her addictions are at the root of her problems and don’t wish to enable her. For the most part what I have to offer her is an ear and support. I used to help her out more but I sort of cut that off when I saw it was constant and never ending.
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This is an area where I struggle a lot. I want to help people, but I can see the personal toll it takes on me when I don’t keep firm boundaries, and I end up hurting the person worse when I finally have had too much, because from their perspective, it looks like I was fine and then suddenly snapped at them.
Is it possible to set the boundary with her that she can only come over when she is sober? And that she doesn’t mention drugs, or only mentions them in terms of trying to stay sober and looking for support?
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Actually that is a really good idea because when I have seen her high it does trigger me to have cravings. So, yes, I think I will have a conversation with her letting her know not to come around if she is using and that will make it much, much safer. Good, thank you very much, nice solution.
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I hope it helps. If she is being polite and respectful of you otherwise, it sounds like she might be able to understand why she needs to respect that boundary.
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Oh, I definitely think she will. She’s not a bad person, she’s got a heart of gold. She doesn’t want me to have the same problems she has. I think she’ll totally understand.
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That’s good to hear <3
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Must be really hard to make a decision.
I wouldn’t say ignore your friend, Shut the door on her etc. That wouldn’t be a nice thing to do.
This is where you have to have self control. Anyone can use if they’ve used before, but it’s self control that stops this.
Make a rule in your home, that it’s a “drug free zone”. Think of how far you’ve come. Get angry at it again. See what it did to you and those around you. Don’t go soft, look at it for what it is. And put your foot down and declare your home a “drug free home”.
Sharing how good you feel being off drugs helps those struggling. When you’re an addict all you really want is a normal life again. So remember that, I think that’s very important.
But you’re courage could be a testimony to those who want to get clean. It is true. When you’re screwed up all you want is to be clean. Just remember that at all times x
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I had to leave friends who did weed and one friend who did cocaine. I never tried cocaine or hard drugs in my life, I left that friend using it out of fear of getting in trouble with dangerous/criminal people and the police. As for weed its been legal here for years so I tried it and it makes me psychotic sometimes ended up in mental hospital. I have no self control with weed and my friends using it don’t believe in mental illness and said that psychiatrists are dumb, bs and just want money which I found pretty ignorant.
Two even told me to quit my meds and that its my meds making me sick not the weed, so stupid of them. Another one of them told me to quit my meds and to pray to God to heal from sz. Finally another friend said in his country they beat up mentally ill people to cure them.
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Anyways I only have good friends now and no one does drugs, not even weed or cigarrettes or vaping. Myself I vape though. My current best friend know I have sz and he encourages me to take meds, he has no problem with me having sz and he understand me well.
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It sounds like you know what you need to do, but don’t want to do it. If nothing changes, nothing changes. If she’s using she’s a threat to your recovery and needs to stay out of your life until she herself cleans up.
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Thats what i originally wanted to do. But i got dragged into her problem. I wont tell you how many times she used to turn up in odd hours - begging for a wire transfer.
If your on this forum discussing it - its clearly raised a flag in your head.
Do what your sensible self tells you - bin them off and carry on with your recovery x
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