Don't know what to think of my brother

he left the clan. up and joined the army at 18, saw the world, moved away, moved back, moved away again. im not sure what to make of it. it’s like he has his own life and we’re not really a part of it but he makes sure to call on holidays. his calls are less frequent then they used to be, no call yet today. and now it’s like we don’t matter because he has his own family. but then again he expects us to be understanding and welcome him back when it comes into his head that he should visit. I know for awhile it got to the point where he was dead to me. I didn’t care if he lived or died in a war zone after re-enlisting a couple times. no person in their right mind puts their family through that. it just was what it was, he was too much older than me to have a real relationship, he was always my heroic older brother. once I started to grow up and no longer saw him as such, it got to point where I wrote him off. a lost cause, dead to me. then he up and calls and wants to go hiking last October and invites me to go to Arizona to hike the grand canyon. I don’t know what to think of my brother but im starting to think that he doesn’t need another hiking trip with me. his life is one event after the next. I don’t think he appreciates his own life he’s so busy. he’s lead a full life and doesn’t seem to be settling down. who knows what the future holds but im not going to hold my breath waiting for him to move back.

he grew up and went his own way. so did my sister. then what? who cares I guess, good luck with that.

Why would he move back?

1 Like

he won’t. why should I care about him is what im saying.

paragraphs are our friends.


It’s obvious to me that you still care about him.
He is your brother after all.

1 Like

yeah im a little conflicted. im open to a relationship when he visits because he’s my brother. but the dude is reckless, if he weren’t my brother I wouldn’t like him

1 Like

One point that is not exactly the same situation but I’ll say it anyways: I have two sisters who are a couple of years older than me. Basically our childhood consisted of fighting a lot and going our own ways. As we reached our teens we had separate lives. I had my own friends and I spent most of my time out of the house playing with a couple of friends of mine. I was with my friends so much that I barely knew what my sisters lives were like or what they were doing.

But once we all got out of high school and moved out of our home on our own and got our own independent lives, things changed and we all started getting along great.
My sisters had a lot of issues with each other but they still hung out and after high school I was kind of limping along in life, just partying, working various simple jobs and getting fired a lot and driving around in my old beat up '66 chevy. But they both started inviting me to do stuff with them. They had boyfriends and went all over the place and did fun things and I was often included.

And that was 1978. And it continues to this day. I’ve done too many things to list with them. Restaurants, parties, barbeques, movies, comedy clubs, plays, concerts, hiking, camping, etc.

Which leads into my second point: My step-dad was married to my mom for more than twenty years. She died few years ago. I won’t go into that here; many of us already know the pain of losing a parent. But afterwards my step-dad was alone but we kept in touch. And we started visiting my moms grave regularly and then going out to lunch. After my mom died me and my step-dad got to know each other better. When he was married to my mom, he was the stuffy, old, kind of boring and long winded, business professor at the local University. I visited them a lot when my mom was alive and the visits with him consisted of long lectures, that had no end.

But after my mom died we started bonding for some reason and I discovered he was an OK guy. He was funny and interesting and had done a lot of cool stuff when he was young. And when we went out to eat we would talk about women a lot and other interesting things and I could see that he was actually a little bit charming.

But I’m only talking about him so much just to make a point. I got to like him better but he was still the same control freak that he was with my mom. And he could still be a little boring but I only saw him once a month and exchanged e-mails sporadically. But he started ending his e-mails, “Love, Frank” (not his real name). The “love” part was new. It just started a couple of years ago. It freaked me out a little because he never said that before. But my point is that as people get older, they tend to value friends and family more. You realize as you get older that this is a tough, lonely, cold world and at the end of the day no one cares about you more than your family and maybe a few others. And having someone that has known you for most of your life and will look out for you and try to help you is rare. I think your brother seems to be getting sentimental. He probably remembers the old days and wants to rekindle those feelings with you.

I wouldn’t write him off just yet. See what he wants. Maybe as he got older, he regrets his treatment of his family and wants to make up for it. Maybe he feels guilty about his past with you guys and wants to make up for it. A camping trip is a big gesture, maybe he’s offering the olive branch to you. And this is what he thinks is the best way to do it. It seems he wouldn’t want to spend this much time with you if he wasn’t interested in you in some way. Your adults now, maybe it’s time to forgive and forget. I don’t know if this is answering your question exactly but I would give him another chance.


This topic was automatically closed 14 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.