She doesn’t leave for work on time, normally leaves the house by 945-10am, when she starts work at 9am. The only reason her employer lets her get away with it is because she stays late after closing, not leaving work until 8pm, when they close at 530pm.
This has put her work/life balance into a nose dive. She never picks up after herself. She has piled about 6 loads of dirty laundry in the kitchen, counter is covered with her stuff. Half the living room is her storage. I can’t access my couch without crawling over paperwork from when she worked from home two years ago. Our dining room Still is a makeshift office, with desk covered in paperwork and Diet Coke cans.
She’s promised me time and time again she will get her stuff cleaned. When she gets home from work, she eats, then goes straight to bed. By the time the weekend comes, she’s either too tired, or has made plans with her family for the day.
Im tired of my home being used as a storage, I’m tired of doing my part of the chores when hers go by the wayside.
If she was paying my bills, I would be willing. But she’s not. We split the cost of everything. Chores were agreed on split too.
If you have agreed to share chores and split the cost of everything, it DOES sound like she is not holding up her end of the bargain by what you described.
I can understand having little energy after working long hours though.
Based on what you described, I don’t think its unreasonable that you insist that she step up.
This point is valid too though. You may have to be willing to bend if you are determined to make things work out and have a clean house. Forcing someone else to change their behavior is not always easy.
@Charles_Foster while I have your ear, I’ve got another question.
My place was fully furnished when I met her, she wants me to get ride of my stuff so she can fit more of her stuff that she’s still got at her mothers place.
I’m unsure on that one. Any words of wisdom? I respect your opinion on the subject.
I struggle with this as well. The lateness, the empty promises from SO to clean and the messes everywhere though not to the same extent as your SO. Fortunately he keeps his mess to his own corner of the living room. But still it’s in the middle of the living room and is in view to the world whenever we open our front door. My place used to be pristine before he moved in:(
That said, I love him to death and talking about it with him really helps. Usually we can agree on a day that things need to be cleaned up by and he will get it done. I give plenty of time so he can clean on breaks and weekends.
It inevitably gets messy again and you can only have so many of those talks before they become just a nag or worse meaningless. So my compromise is to let him live this way but I ask him to clean up once a month.
Maybe you can help with an initial clean up if you feel like. Then have an agreement for her to clean up after herself once a week or once a month or whatever you think is necessary?
I’m not so sure as I’m in the same boat as you. You’re not alone.
I figure the tardiness to work is ingrained in her. I wouldn’t dare be late to work. I would’ve been fired by day 2 of tardiness. When I was able to work I had a very good work ethic. So it boggles my mind when people think they can show up late to work.
Dr Phil had a hoarder on his show. Turns out this lady had been abused. He said that we create in our lives what we think we deserve. She didn’t feel like she was worth much so she filled her life with trash. Her house was filthy. I don’t know your fiancée. Maybe she’s in emotional pain. Maybe I’m over reading the situation. Just my two cents.
She does. I won’t aire her sensitive past in detail, but she went through a pretty sudden and painful death of a loved one.
She’s only ever dated two people, him and I. I’ve never gone as far to tell her this, but she’s certainly not as experienced or mature about dating and relationships as other people.
She was single from 19-28, I feel I have to be patient with her sometimes. But it’s wearing thin.
Hey, you like/love each other, right? That means you’re on the same side. If she cared about you than she should respect your wishes, especially in this case when she’s in the wrong. And that’s the key; she’s in the wrong here. She can’t expect you to accommodate her so much that it’s making you unhappy.
She should not be piling stuff everywhere, it’s not a good way to live for either of you and she needs to suck it up and get on the ball and clean her own mess up. It’s the right thing to do. I’m dealing with the same thing except it’s a roommate who wants to use the tiny living room as a storage space. I’m not going to live like that because I pay half the rent and I know for a 100% sure I’m right about this.
I didn’t know the guy before he moved in but I’ve lived here 5 years before him and 25 years on my own and I know what a living room is supposed to look like and I know it’s not normal to have cardboard boxes under a coffee table or bags of sh*t stuck under tables and in the bookcase. You’re going to have to lay down the law and stick up for yourself. I’m sure you can do it.
